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Ha neul’s POV

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Sleep. I need sleep… but what’s the use of sleep if you know that once you wake up you’ll be faced with problems? Just deal with those problems first then go to sleep, otherwise it’s not going to be peaceful. Without even waking up I know where I am. But I also know what the other person is going through. He’s asleep… he’s in a deep sleep. Taemin oppa. Just saying his name makes me want to punch someone so hard that it’d break their nose. Hearing his voice makes me cringe at how much he’s going through and how he hadn’t told anyone. Seeing him makes me want to sleep. Sleep. Wasn’t sleep a good thing? I’ve been sleeping for three days and I have no intention of getting up, but I can’t help it when I hear Kibum oppa telling me to wake up. He’s been through a lot too. Looking after me day by day, looking after Taemin oppa who’s next to me day by day. If I saw his face I’d probably see how torn up he is. Jinki oppa hasn’t come since the incident with their manager; they’ve got a new manager by the way. One who means business and not personal matters? Doesn’t that make it harder on Jinki oppa. He’s been through a lot too. He’s responsible for all the things which happens in SHINee. He’s the one who’ll be the most punished if they do something wrong. He’s the one who will get all the pressure from the press when they do something wrong. I remember watching the first performance of ‘Hello’ after Sekyung-sshi and Jonghyun oppa announced their relationship and I remember seeing the fatigue in Jinki oppa’s face. Jonghyun oppa must have it hard too; dealing with the bashes from the ‘ShaWols’ against him and his girlfriend. We don’t the right to control who we love; we don’t even have control over that. And why is Minho oppa always sitting there? Just observing…He smiles and he laughs but he’s like the watch dog. He can tell when something’s wrong but he lets the other oppas work it out. It’s like he’s afraid to get involved, like he can’t.

“Ha neul-ah…” Kibum oppa… I swear you said you didn’t know me. What’s this I hear? You know my name, can you even tell that I’m pretending to sleep or are you… still shocked from Taemin oppa? “Ha neul-ah mianhaeyo… This shouldn’t have happened if I told Lee Soo Man-sshi everything” Are you crazy oppa? Think about how Taemin would have felt… ah, but that’s what you did, didn’t you? You didn’t know what to do so you called me here to help him… I’m sorry I didn’t do my job properly.

“But I need to look after Taeminnie and Minho-ah… Minho… he, he’s not what people think he is. He shouldn’t have a cold front, nor should he have become what he didn’t need to become. Look what happened, he injured himself a while ago… I didn’t look after him.” Why are you speaking like this oppa? Nothing should be only on you. Everyone has to share responsibilities.

“Then there’s Jjong. I told him to not hide his relationship, to be proud of it, to tell the world who he loves and he ends up being backlashed along with noona and injuring himself. I had a feeling it wasn’t an accident” Oppa you were just telling him to follow his heart, what’s wrong about that?

“Then Jinki… if I had looked after Taemin properly, if I hadn’t tried to sort things out on my own, this wouldn’t have happened. Jinki hyung had a tight schedule to begin with and I just made it worst”

Aniyo… Should I wake up now? He’s blaming himself for everything. For Minho oppa, for Jinki oppa, Jonghyun oppa and… for the oppa lying in the bed next to me, he’s taking all of their worries and sadness and pinpointing the time he got involved.

I heard footsteps go around my bed and I heard oppa open the curtain to Taemin oppa’s section. “Taemin-ah…” His voice was weak. His voice was like he was holding back his tears. But from what I see, when oppa holds back his tears, he won’t last long and start crying longer than if he had let it out in the first place. “I’m sorry”

“Stop apologising, Oppa… it’s not your fault” I turn my head and look at his back, tense. He looks weak; I doubt he’s been eating much. I need to look after him too. Taemin oppa, Kibum oppa… these two are weaker than what anyone else has thought.

“H-ha neul-ah…” His eyes made contact with mine, he looked relieved but nervous. “How long have you been awake…?”

“A while.” I said blandly.

“Then did you hea-”

“Oppa.” I interrupted him.

“What?”

“If I’m going to help you with Taemin… you can’t stop me…” Confusion washed over his normally beautiful skin as he looked at me.

“Stop you with what?”

“Stop me from helping you. Not just Taeminnie oppa… with you too”

“I don’t ne-”

“Let me finish what I’m saying first” I know I have to be harsh. I have to start treating him this way to discipline him. I’m not his mother, no, nor am I his father. But I’m a friend, and I need to teach him how to trust other people more so than how he does now. “Oppa… How do you expect to help Taemin oppa if you can’t help yourself?”  He stayed silent. “I’m here as a friend now… Oppa help me up” He nodded and took my hand and held my waist as he held me up. I stumbled a bit and cursed myself. But I’m fine. I’m fine now.

“Ha neul-ah you sure you okay?”

“I’m fine… It’s fine.” He nodded. “Oppa, are you okay? You seem quiet…”

“Hmm… Yeah I’m… fine.”

“I just told you I’m here to help… You disregarded that right now didn’t you?” I pouted hoping he’d smile a little. Gladly he did. He looked handsome. He is handsome.

“Ha neul-ah… come downstairs in the canteen a bit, get changed… I’m sure you don’t like being in hospital gowns?” I scrunched my nose and nodded, and then I glanced down. I hate hospital gowns.

“Okay, then we can go eat or something, I’m starving” He smiled.

“I thought so, see you downstairs.” I nodded. He left after taking a longing glance at Taemin. I sighed and stripped myself of the gown; I put my jean shorts on and slid my boots on. As I put my pink top on about halfway I sighed again… I thought about everything which had happened so sudden-

“Ha neul-ah, you know you should really close the curtains” What? I turned around, one arm was through the sleeve but other than that you can see my bra and that’s it for my top. But that wasn’t on my mind fully. This was running through my mind; Taemin oppa… was awake.

“Oppa…?” I walked over to him and quickly put my top on, he was red, maybe he had a fever.

“Ha neul~?” He said mimicking me, his voice was normal. Besides the pinkness, his face was normal. Besides the messiness, his hair was flawless. He was alright. His eyes were beautiful. He was awake. His lips drew into a perfect smile and he sat up.

“Op-” He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into a hug, I felt him wince as the wire to him and the drip tugged against his skin but his warmth. It was back. He was back. Something wet rolled down my cheek and landed on his shoulder. He rubbed my back and shushed me; I couldn’t help but cry more. But why? Was it because he was awake? The doctors told us he was in a coma. Wasn’t a coma a long time to sleep? Like, sleeping for a year… But it’s only been three days, and he’s awake. Was it because he knew how much I worried? I don’t even know. He probably never knew. Could you hear people when you were asleep? But he wasn’t asleep… he was in a coma. But coma is sleep. It’s in between sleep and death. But death is dying… sleep is sleeping.

“Ha neul-ah…” His voice was so soothing, he pulled away from the hug and smiled at me. He was smiling. His smile was so angelic I almost fell into a trance.

“Y-yes?”

“It’s not your fault”

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No one’s POV

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Those four words took weights of emotion off of the girl Taemin was looking at. Those four words bought tears, those precious tears, to her beautiful eyes. It pained to see how hurt Ha neul was, it pained Taemin to see how he could make someone this worried. He pulled her into a needed hug and he whispered words of comfort to her. But all she needed was ‘It’s not your fault’ over and over again. The guilt had gone. The anxiety of Taemin not waking up had gone. The stinging words her conscious repeated had vanished. All there was, was Taemin, Ha neul and a shadow watching behind the door; a painful look with a serene heart. Kibum’s mind was fighting with his heart as he watched to two hug each other, comforting each other just by their presence.

He wanted that.

But Taemin needed it.

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I've been REALLY ill for the past week and the snow isn't helping it but i'm a LOT better compared to yesterday ;)

Thanks for the comments, i will reply to them tomorrow cause my mum is telling me to go upstairs =] 

After friday I WILL TRY UPDATE MORE ^^

Thanks guys!