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Kibum’s POV

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No one, not even my family, has seen me cry about something which isn’t about winning an award for SHINee. Not Taemin, not minho, not Jonghyun nor Jinki has seen me breakdown like that. I wouldn’t show them, I’m not the type of person to do that unless it’s a complete shock to me; just like winning an award. I never wanted to cry, it just happened.

Walking out of her room I quickly went to the bathroom to wash my face. When I came out Minho was leaning against the frame smiling at me which, personally, creeped me out. “What?” I said making sure I was smiling so he doesn’t misunderstand the tone of my voice.

“Are you sure, you and Ha neul-ah… are you sure you guys are only friends?” He laughed when I glared at him then he went back to the living room and joined Taemin reading UFO comments. I went to my room and lay down for a bit. Thinking about what just happened… I need to keep my composure. I’m supposedly her best friend, and it’s fine if I lie to the guys for a bit until she leaves… but what about me? I can’t help but show my true self in front of this person. I barely know her yet it feels we’ve known each other for years. I don’t like this feeling, especially when I saw her and Taemin getting close, but that’s what she’s here for. She’s here to stop Taeminnie from hurting himself anymore, to be a shoulder to cry on... for him. If I was clever I would know to ignore this but I’m stupid. I like a stranger.

I got up to go to get a bottle of water but my legs buckled a bit, maybe is from not dancing today, I’m not used to that. When I went to the kitchen and to the fridge Taemin came in too. He looked at me for a bit and I looked back. “Hyung…”

“Yeah?”

“…Why haven’t you told anyone about me cutting myself?” That kind of bluntness is something which I rarely see in this boy and honestly it shocked me I nearly choked on my water. He looked at me again and it seemed as if he was saying something to me through his eyes… I never noticed the pain behind them before. I’ve seen that look too many times that I thought it was normal; how wrong was I…

“Why should I?” he pulled an expression and then he sighed.

“Hyung… I know you. Sooner or later you’ll tell someone. I just want to know who you told or who you’ll be telling so I’ll be mentally prepared”

“No one” I glared at him. “If it’s going to bother you like that then just stop it.” He smiled at me but not the bright one. It’s the same one like in the bathroom before the meeting with Ha neul-ah’s dad.

“…Easier said than done.” I turned to face him properly and walked up to him.

“What did you just say?”

“’Easier said than done’… why do you think it’s easy for me to stop doing it when it’s become a stupid habit?” Where was he getting at?

“Taemin-ah. I’m trying to help… please…” I held his shoulders and tried to make him look in my eyes for him to brush me away harshly, my arm nearly hit the edge of the counter.

“You’re not helping,” he whispered as he looked down. His fringe covered his eyes and he held his wrist, “you’re doing everything but helping. Don’t…”

“Don’t what? Taemin-ah I’m trying my best for you. I’M trying my best for YOU” I repeated, I could feel my voice shake and I regretted raising my voice; despite the kitchen being too far from the living room it was close to Taemin’s room.

“Don’t do this to me hyung… hyung-ah you know I love you. Don’t make me go through this.” What the hell is he going on about!? I’m going crazy.

“Go through what? Don’t do what to you!” I shouted, seeing him wince a bit I calmed down a little bit because that was all I could do and I made him look up at me. “I don’t understand you…” He smiled at me, tears like liquid crystal were filling his brown eyes which stared right through me. His breathing became forced and he blinked; a tear fell from his eyes and rolled down to his soft cheeks. But why was he crying…

“No one does…” He wiped his tears and took the bottle out my hand and walked off with a smile then bounced on Jinki who was lying on the couch, hyung smiled at him and he smiled back. The same smile he showed to us for the four years we’ve known each other, the same one he’s showed his fans for the two years they’ve known us. How pathetic am I? I walked out of the kitchen and into my room again hoping I’d fall asleep…

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Taemin’s POV

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After messing around with Jinki hyung he told me I can go sleep late today because I have no schedules for tomorrow. He also told me to stick with Ha neul for tomorrow which is kind of a surprise because he’s never been open to a random person… but for some reason I felt that Ha neul wasn’t just a random person. The connection between Kibum hyung and Ha neul seems dodgy… and the fact Ha neul-ah came right after hyung found out made it all the more suspicious but I can’t judge him… or her. What right do I have to do that? Judging someone…

The other hyungs have left for a movie night and I’m at home, I can hear Ha neul on the phone laughing, it must be her best friend. I’ve never had someone like a best friend. I call the hyungs my best friends because they’re similar to it. Walking to the bathroom I hear Ha neul stop laughing, maybe she’s finished talking. Staring at the mirror in front of me, I can see the reflection of the locked door knob. Sometimes I feel like a door knob is like me; stubborn, you can twist and turn it but it won’t open unless you destroy it.

Smirking to myself I looked at myself in the mirror.

How can someone call me beautiful? Me?

Kibum hyung is beautiful. Jonghyun hyung is beautiful. Jinki hyung is beautiful. Minho hyung is beautiful. Ha neul is beautiful. But me...?

Why did I become a celebrity again? To dance? To sing?

Dancing used to be my life. It still is… but something else overshadows it and I feel so pissed off about that I want to punch myself in the face until it’s a bloody mess. That would be an improvement to me though. Wouldn’t it? The colour red as opposed to this yellow skin which looks like I’ve got jaundice.

Red…

I miss it. I know I won’t have time to do something like this for a while cause of Ha neul being here but this is the last one for a while…

I took out the blade in my back pocket and smiled. With just one small cut some pain can go away.

Holding it to my skin I smile. But something else made me think, and with that thought it made me hesitate to choose the other. It’s simple; With just one big cut… all of my pain can go away.

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OMG loads of subs!! YAAAY I’m very happy ^^ Glad you guys like the plot.

I left it on a cliff hanger today, short chappy cause I’ve got hand in three essays and re-do my notes for history and English L

Okay! So wish me luck =]  x

Bye~