I stand in a daze in front of Eun-ah’s house. It’s 9a.m in the morning and I realized I’ve been here doing nothing for about 15minutes. Last night I was very determined to meet her and ask her out today, but now when I’m here, why do I hesitate? Damn it. Quick, do something taehyung. I said to myself. 

I am about to walk inside and knock when someone calls my name. “oh! Taehyung-ah!” I turn around and it is mrs.Lee, Eun-ah’s mother. I nod and greet her, it is our first time meeting after I come back here and I feel guilty because I haven’t greet her properly before. “what are you doing here? How long have you been here? Aigoo, I’m sorry taehyung-ah, I just get back from mrs.Park’s house.” She continues.

“ahh, no, it’s okay eommoni. It’s also my fault not to call before coming here.” I answer.

“oh, taehyung-ah, let’s talk inside. It’s a bit windy. Come in.” she drags me to follow her. I walk inside and wait for her to unlock the door. She open the door and tell me to come in. I feel happy that mrs.Lee is still healthy and cheerful as always, but I just realized that eun-ah might dislike the idea of me inside her house without her permission, so I think to wait somewhere else. I must look so hesitant that mrs.Lee drag me inside and close the door behind me. “The cool wind gets inside if you stand there. Come in. you used to intrude our house like it’s your own house. Enjoy taehyung-ah, it’s still the same. No need to worry.” She continues. Only if you know that your daughter has changed and I cant help but worry. I said to myself. I try to calm myself down and I look around the house. Glad that almost nothing changes except the wallpaper on the stairs on my right. I took a glance to the livingroom on my left and smile looking at eun-ah netbook there. She must working on something before and she left it there. I walk inside and notice there are a lot of family photos, mostly with eun-ah in it. I stop at a high bookshelf which used as a separator between stairs and master’s bedroom. There are many photos glued there beautifully decorating the plain bookshelf. I found a candid photo of eun-ah sitting on a bench, looking so serious reading something on her book. Right next to it, is the same photo but this time eun-ah realize and she smiled at the camera. I smile adoring how cute she is. It must be her friend who took photos of her. Aaaiish, how I envy her friends who get to see her everyday. “you like it?”, mrs.lee question startled me. I smile awkwardly to her question. Mrs. Lee smile then she took the photo and give it to me, “here. You can have it” she said. I look at her in confusion; I try to guess whether she’s joking or serious. 

“eiiyssh, it’s okay”, she put the photo in my hand, “She won’t notice if only one photo missing. I can print it again later. Ah, taehyung-ah, you can wait upstairs in her room”

I daze at her statement but I can’t say anything. I must look so confused that she continues “she will be back in minutes, I guess. She went to meet her friends from college very early. I guess she will be back soon.” 

Ahh, I understand now that eun-ah is not home so her mother tells me to wait upstairs. It took me seconds to realize something then I said “ah, eommoni, how do you know that I want to meet her?” I ask feeling embarrassed. 

“oh, then, do you want to meet me? Of course not, isn’t it? No need to be embarrassed taehyung-ah. You are like my own son. I know you very well.” She replied. I smile feeling happy to be welcome by mrs. Lee. “ah, taehyung-ah, please take her laptop upstairs with you. She left it there like she is the only one in this house. Ck, I scold her later.” She adds.

“yes, eommoni. Then I’ll go upstairs.” I walk to the living room and take the laptop with me. It still half open and I don’t want to close it, in case she’s been working on something important and she want to continue after she’s home. I carefully take the laptop with me and walk upstairs. I feel so nervous but I am so happy that I get to see her room again. Will it still a mess like she used to or has she changed and clean her room every day. Does she put my birthday present in her room and does she still has our photos in her room. I am so curious to death. I stop in front of her room, once again feeling hesitant, thinking of so many ‘what ifs’. I finally brace myself to open the door and walk inside. Her room still looks the same. Her bed still there, nears the corner, beside the window and a small desk right next to it. Across the bed is her dressing table with small antique mirror on it. Besides, a body-size mirror decorated with stickers and her Polaroid photos with her friends, looking so cute. On the left corner, beside the closet, I notice her working desk. Looks messy as always, I laugh then busy clearing some space on the table to put her laptop with one hand while my other hand holding her laptop carefully. I place the laptop carefully on the table. I must’ve accidentally pressing the keyboard because suddenly the monitor turns on. I shock myself then I manage to put it back to sleep mode so that she won’t think that I looking through her laptop. Years ago, she won’t be bothered if I intrude her room and looking through her stuffs, but now is different. I think I need to start over.

I open up the monitor a bit more and I feel so stuffed but enormously happy at what I see. The monitor shows an old picture of me and her sitting on her bed smiling widely on the camera. I remember when did the photo was taken. 

July 2010

“yaa! Lee eunah! You have to eat something. Quick! Wake up or I force you to wake up and eat!” I try to make her eat something. She’s been ill since last night and he catches a cold. It’s a relieved that this morning her fever has drop. She’s been complaining about feeling fed up and pain in her stomach. She hasn’t eaten anything since this morning so I try to force her to eat something so she can eat her medicine. She refused to eat and she covers herself with blanket up to her chin because she said that it’s cold. “eunah-ya, please sit up and eat some. You need to eat your medicine.” I beg her once again.

“I’m fine taehyungie. I just need some sleep. You better go to school.” She said trying to look mad at me but it is obvious that she is not well.

“yaa! Do you think I can concentrate if you’re laying here, life less with empty stomach and high body temperature.” I scold her.

She laughed and trying to convince me that she is fine and I have to go to school. “yaa, I just need some sleep but you’re disturbing me so I’m unable to rest.”

“I wrote an absent letter and I’ll stay here until you are healthy again.” I said. 

She smiled, “tae, you don’t have to do that. Now how can I repay you?” she asked.

“feed yourself. You have to eat something eunah. Your mother cook you some tuna porridge. Should I feed you?”

“I don’t want tuna porridge, it’s fishy and I feel like I want to throw up.” She said cutely. 

“then what do you want to eat? Should I cook you some meals?”

She thinks for a moment then she answer, “chicken soup. The one that you cook for me for my birthday last year.”

I laugh at her request, even I don’t think that looks and taste like a chicken soup but she likes it. “seriously? Okay, you can wait here while I make it for you. But you have to finish it later, deal?”

“deal. Go, quick, before I lost my appetite” 

I ran to the kitchen and ask her mom for the ingredients and I start to cook. About 20 minutes later the soup is ready. I scoop some and take it upstairs. When I entered her room, I found her sleeping peacefully so I walk quietly, almost with no noise so that I don’t wake her up. I placed the soup bowl in small table besides her bed. 

I kneeled down beside her bed quietly. I watch her sleeping so peacefully and I feel peaceful. I watch her breathing calmly in steady pace. I smiled looking at her sleeping face. I carefully swap a strand of hair on her left cheek; make sure she doesn’t wake up. I relieved that she finally can sleep, last night was terrible. She had bad fever and she cannot fall asleep. 

I guess I’ve been watching her for about 10 minutes and suddenly got an idea. I took my phone and I took a picture of her. I laughed at the picture then I realized the soup must’ve cold. I put my phone on the bed and I wake up to put the soup back to the kitchen to keep it warm but I accidentally bumped into the table and the spoon on the bowl fell down on the floor creati