6 Feb 2012

Eonnie,

Today Krystal and Seo Young invited me for a shopping spree tomorrow. I agreed to go with them this time, eonnie. They are the people whom I am closest to now, and I don’t want to lose them because I’m too caught up with you. I think they are helping me get out of this abyss, and I want to help myself too. I told eomma that I was going out with friends tomorrow. For a moment, I thought I saw her face froze. I didn’t know why, but I guessed she thought of you, somehow. You are always going out, and I think she saw a glimpse of you in me.

But then her eyes softened and she smiled. Then she bent down to hug me. I don’t know who started it first, but we ended up crying. Through her sobs, she told me that she was really thankful to have me still around. And she that was thankful that I didn’t let my life waste away just because you… she didn’t complete her sentence, but both of us knew what she was going to say. And that she loved me a lot. And that… and that she loved you so much. She said she was so sorry, that I have to live through my teenage years with such a deep scar.

And we just cried and cried and cried.

Eonnie, why is it that everything that I do reminds eomma of you?

I wanted to be angry today, but I guess I just felt too… too sad to be angry.

7 Feb 2012

Eonnie,

It was a long day today. First we had to select the clubs we want to join. I didn’t know what to put, so I just put drama club.

Do you remember? We used to play make-believe when we were younger. We pretended that we were fairies, witches, swordsmen, backpackers, astronauts…. We had so much fun back then. We stopped when you entered middle school. I think maybe reality pressed down too hard on us… and we no longer have faith to make-believe anymore.

I didn’t know why I wanted to try out acting… It was the first option t