9 June 2012

Eonnie,

Today was another training! Thankfully, though, it’s the unofficial one (so no Teacher Myuk!!!).

Today it was Gary’s turn to teach me his skills.

“Do you know what is the purpose of writing lyrics?” he asked.

“To convey a message?” I suggested.

He shook his head. “It is to convey feelings,” he said, stressing on the word ‘feeling’. “The message is secondary.”

I must have been staring blankly at the paper, so, very cautiously and watching me carefully, “Your sister…” he said gently. “Write about what you feel towards her.”

A sharp pang of pain hit my heart as I got reminded of you so suddenly.

“The more pain you feel,” he said again. “The better music you create. Channel all your emotions to your lyrics. You’ll feel better that way too.”

The more pain you feel, the better music you create…

Gary writes wonderful lyrics. I wonder how much pain he had felt for him to write all those…

I gave him a long look, but he looked away.

“If you need somebody to lend you a listening ear…” I told him, “I can help you with that.”

He gave me a sad smile and nodded. I didn’t press him any further, because I know he’s not ready to share it yet. There’s no point in forcing him to tell, it will just make him more upset.

Anyway I thought really hard about what I should write, and this came out: I hate you for leaving but I still love you. I miss you, so please come back to me.

I handed the ‘lyrics’ to Gary, feeling a little embarrassed. He furrowed his brows as he looked at it, and twirled his pen around his fingers as he thought of what to write.

Finally, he came up with:

‘I am smiling, but not really.

I am moving on, but not really.

Basking in our memories,

I shed tears and wait for you.’

“After you write… you need to… uh…make it sound nice