15 Jan 2012

Eonnie,

Today was one of those days where eomma’s in a better mood. You know, after you left, no one in the family is really happy anymore. But this morning, eomma made pancakes for appa and I, like how she used to, in the past, for us. I woke up with the aroma of the pancakes and syrup.

Eomma greeted me, and hugged me.

I don’t know why I felt so overwhelmed with emotions. It had been long since she hugged me, I think. Her smiles feel forced, but I think she is trying to make me feel happy, for, you know, starting high school.

We ate breakfast in silence, and I barely stopped myself from crying. I don’t know was it because I felt overwhelmed that we hadn’t had a meal together for so long, or was it because it makes your absence even more… noticeable… I just. It’s… urgh…. Eonnie, I hate you for leaving. I hate you for breaking apart our family. I hate you for making such simple things so difficult.

It was supposed to be a happy thing. Eomma was trying to make me happy. I guess somehow, it didn’t turn out right.

I can’t bring myself to sign off with ‘love, Jihyo’, so I guess I will end off with

Regards,

Jihyo.

16 Jan 2012

Eonnie,

Today Krystal didn’t go for lunch like she normally