“I… don’t live here anymore, Minho-ah. My job-”

“I mean, just stay here for now- before you leave.” He looks up at you, eyes pleading. Lost for words, you stood there staring right back at him. “You still have time… right?” Every word that escaped his mouth seemed to hit you harder the more he spoke. Your relationship with him surrounded around his time, never yours. It was always you that had to adjust to his schedule accordingly. Many times he’d call, I’m so sorry, baby, something came up. I’ll make it up to you! leaving you to wait for him with two tickets to a movie premiere that had started hours before.

“Sure… I guess.” You breathed, unsure on what to do next. Even when the lobby had gone crowded, to you… it felt like it was just you and him. You your lips as you took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts and feelings.  He was looking at you, his eyes drifting slowly as he searched your face. Struggling to keep his thoughts to himself, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you. 

~

Minho closed the door gently after you and stood there awkwardly as he scans your hotel room. You walked away to push the curtains open, relieved that at least the sunlight could brighten up the mood. Flashbacks of you and him continued to scatter your mind and you envied yourself back then, how different and effortless it was. “I love the person I am when I’m with you, I don’t know how I should thank you.” “Stop it, you don’t need to thank me for anything.”

“I’m sorry for the mess.” You crawled across the bed, grabbing your things to make space for him. “I literally just woke up the minute they called me.” You chuckled softly. It was useless to bury yourself with thoughts of the past, that ship has sailed, don’t be so bitter. “You can sit here, if you don’t mind.” You motioned towards the empty space on the bed as you stood up, straightening your shirt. Minho shook his head and smiled to himself, I could stand for hours for all I care, as long as it’s with you.

“How long have you been here?” He shifted to look at you as he sat down.

“Seoul? Uh… three days?” You had your back towards him, kneeling down to charge your phone.

“Is it the first time since you moved?” He asked.

“I’ve been here a few times after that.” He sees you turn around and your eyes meet, properly this time. The sun had kissed your face, highlighting your delicate features. Even with the distance between the two of you, he could see the curve of your lashes as you blinked and how, even with the light, your pupils enlarged as you looked his way. Despite having memorized your face, he was convinced that he can never get used to it just yet. Minho snapped out of it as you moved to hug your legs into your chest.

“How’s your mother? Is she doing okay?” You cleared your throat, breaking his focus on something.

“She’s great, she asks about you often.” He lets out a small smile, sliding down the edge of the bed to the floor, occupying the space in front of you.

“Oh. I’m sorry, tell her I’ll visit soon.” You smile back as you remember the first time that you met his parents. “Let me know if he makes you cry, my love.” His mother looks at you, her eyes thankful. “He treats me very well.” you whispered, hugging her goodbye.

“I take that as a promise then.” His face brightened at the thought, glad that you’re not planning on cutting him out entirely. You gave him a small nod and he grins in return, still as adorable as ever. You continued to observe him, your mind flooded with questions you wanted to ask him. How are the members? What do you draw these days? Do you still go to that restaurant we loved so much?

“How are you, honestly?” You blurt out. He was startled just as you are, his playful expression faded, lips slightly parted as he looks at you. Seeing him like that, made you really see how you weren’t the only one that was hurt.

“I’d be lying if I told you I’m okay.” His voice deep and quiet as he looks down to the floor. “You’re doing a pretty good job at hiding it.” Your voice barely a whisper. “I need to.” Because of what I do for a living, you can almost hear him say it. “I suppose.” You didn’t want to look at him then, his voice was apologetic and you felt guilty because it wasn’t something he should be sorry for.

“I took the wrong thing too seriously didn’t I?” He looks up as he asks you, not knowing where he’s getting at. “You know, I thought I was complete with everything I was doing. But I wasn’t.” He closes his eyes as he sighs and smile at the same time. “To be honest, I don’t know if I will ever be…” He stops mid sentence, hesitating to continue. “One thing I’m sure about is whatever’s missing… or whatever is left of me… it’s you.” For a moment, you swore everything must’ve stopped. You looked at him, your mind blank, convinced you had forgotten how to speak.

“You’re… different and in the beginning I thought I had so much to offer you but man, I was wrong.” He laughs as he rubs the back of his neck, stealing a glance at you. You were looking at an empty space, a smile forming on your lips. “You didn’t care for such things, but I won you over anyway.” Your mind, your words, your thoughts, your music, that’s what I care about, Minho-ah. You hated how he had this power over you, how he can just pull you into him just like that and it never fails to remind you why you fell for him in the first place. The two of you could be at the opposite ends of a crowded room, and some time along the way you’d catch him staring at you and he’d smirk slightly when you do. It was just a moment shared between you and him, making you feel a burst of all sorts of different things. You were pretty sure that it wasn’t possible to make love with someone when you’re meters apart, but it sure felt like you did.

“You were just… always there, even when I didn’t ask for it. I guess it’s a little too late to realize I took it for granted. I never thought of what it would be like if you weren’t, I don’t think I can ever forgive myself.” You hear his voice crack as he looks the other way. You wanted to crawl to him, wrap your arms around his neck and say that it’s okay, but you were frozen in place.

“What we had… it’s no longer there, isn’t it?” You wanted to stay silent, to hear the rest of what he had to say. But his silence persisted.

“If it isn’t… tell me why I feel this way?” You finally shifted, moving towards him, tilting your head to see him better. Minho looks at you, glassy eyed. You felt a pang in your chest, he looks so hurt you’d forgotten your own suffering. Then out of all the things that he could’ve said,

“I promise to love you, I will love you with my every being. I will love you and I will spend it all on you… until I’m indebted to you. If you just let me.”