Prompt: “Please give me time, I-I can’t do this alone!” and “Help, me please.”

Warnings: Triggering (Mentions of drug abuse, addiction)

Sender: Taehyun (1:45 am)
Help me, please.

Time stood still as you go over the unexpected text over and over and over. Panic overwhelms you seeing the three short words that you prayed you never had to hear from him.

You promised, Tae.
You ing promised.

It’s been days since you heard from him, a week since you last saw him. He stopped picking up your calls, or anyone else’s for that matter, disappearing out of the blue. The last time this happened you found him locked in some random hotel, freezing in the balcony and barely conscious. The phone shook under your clenched hand, feeling that lump in your throat burning as thoughts blurred your mind, the worst possibilities of where he could be right now. You knew why he’d asked you for help, certain that it was that one thing that tore the two of you apart.

The line beeped a few times before he answered, he said nothing but the breathing that ragged through the phone was enough to ease you– the fact that he’s still breathing.

“T–Tae? Where are you?” You fight the urge to scream at him, hating how he has this much power over you.

There was no answer yet his breath still wavered from the other end, your chest clenched knowing that he’s in a great deal of pain.

“Please– your apartment’s empty, I can’t find you like this–”

~

The suspicions proved to be right, you find yourself tapping the fifth floor button repeatedly on the elevator of some hotel down town. It’s way past midnight and you had to put up quite a fight at the front desk, trying so hard not to sound like a deranged lunatic. By the time you reached his room, your pulse was erratic and your breathing out of place. It caught you by surprise to see how the lock clicked open, only it wasn’t Taehyun, but Minho by the door.

The room reeks of alcohol, cigarettes and a mix of other things you couldn’t quite pick out, yet it was a scent you’ve been familiarized with ever since you were with Taehyun.

“Where the hell is he?” Your words trembled out, and Minho holds you back, firm hands on your shoulders as you push past him. “Minho– is he okay?”

Minho looks at you almost in disbelief and it hit you, if he was okay you wouldn’t be here right now. It must have been something that slipped out of your mouth, because a part of you secretly hopes that he’s okay, that he hadn’t relapsed, that he’s not–

“Hey, hey.” You feel Minho pull you into a tight hug, not realizing that you were shaking so hard, he’d caught you before you could collapse onto the floor. He sighs deeply, just as shaken up as you were.

“He’s been in the bathroom for the past three hours, nothing I say is making him open that ing door.” He shook his head dejectedly.

Not wasting another second, you make a run for it towards where he was. As much as you wanted to pound your fists onto that locked door and scream your heart out, you knew better than to put fire to the whole situation. Taehyun hasn’t been himself lately, hell, it was difficult to recall the last time he was him. His addiction was breaking him to pieces and so were you. A full blown breakdown on your part will do nothing for him, and you had no choice but to keep yourself together just so at least one of you has got their head on screwed straight. Though at this point, you couldn’t keep track of the amount of times you questioned your own sanity. Pushing aside your anger, you gathered the strength you had left to gently knock on that door.

“Tae… It’s me.” Your breathe, hand clenched tight over the handle as you listen in to any sign of him.

Nothing.

“Taehyun, please. I need to see you.” Helpless, your head thuds against the door as you leaned in, wanting so much to be close to him. “Please, please let me in.”

You hear something clatter to the ground, your heart hitched, expecting to see his face that you’ve missed all this time.

You were asking only for so much, with the door still shut and no matter how much you rattled at the lock, it wasn’t enough to catch his attention.

“God damn it, Tae!” You were yelling then, feeling the sting on your palm as you smack the door harder than necessary. “How am I suppose to help–”

Click.

The door was barely open for a fraction of a second, you find yourself ramming against it only to see Taehyun hanging onto the handle for dear life, slumped on the cold bathroom floor.

It was a mess. He was a mess.

Your eyes scans the space frantically, catching the spilled bottle of pills on the sink above him. It was just as you had expected, yet it was impossible to dismiss that throbbing disappointment and hurt welling up inside you.

“W–What happened?” You rasp, dropping yourself before him, unable to contain your feelings any longer.

Taehyun had his head low, his blonde hair sticking to the sides of his face and he was shivering from cold sweat. You couldn’t remember the last time you heard his voice, and it sure as hell won’t be anytime soon.

“You promised.” It was the only thing you had on your tongue then, it was the only thing that you could say because you trusted him not to do this, not when he’s got so much to live for. You realize that it was easier said than done and in a way it was something that he did just to assure you, just so that you won’t leave.

But even if the countless times you threatened to leave, you knew damn well that you couldn’t. You couldn’t just leave him, you couldn’t.

Yet seeing him this way, it wasn’t a life you wanted for neither of you.

“I’m done, Tae. I’m done.” The words choked out your mouth and for the first time he lifts his head to look at you. That ugly pang in your chest hit you as his disoriented stare sets on yours, god, he looks like hell.

Taehyun shakes his head, barely, and you see his pleading eyes as he places a soft hand on your knees.

“Are you trying to kill me too?” It was a selfish thing for you to say, to use the one thing he didn’t want to lose as a threat and that was you.

“I can’t be with you like this.” You cry out a whisper as tears pricked your eyes, “I’m trying so hard, but I– we can’t go on like this. Not anymore.”

“I am too.” He finally utters, his voice hardly audible, “I’m trying too.”

His fingers felt cold, shaking on top of yours and he barely has the strength to hold on to you. It’s been too many times witnessing his withdrawals, and it seems like it’s not the first one this week. You knew he was trying to resist it now, but losing contact with him the past week was enough to tell you that he’d given in within the time span he was away. 

Trying isn’t enough. You bite your tongue, it wasn’t your place to tell him that he’s not trying hard enough.

“But you can’t.” Taehyun knew you well enough to read the look on your face, which was a miracle considering the state he was in right now, “You can’t leave.” 

He drops his head on to your lap, his shoulders shook as he sobs. Everything hurt and you push him away, staggering as you got to your feet.

“Please give me time, I–I can’t do this alone!” He cries out, still on the floor with his head buried in his arms. Frustrated, he grips onto his hair as he lets out a strained groan and it was heartbreaking to see him like this.

To think that this was the same person that lives to play his favourite pieces on that piano he loves so much, the same one that would peek his beaming face at you while he does so. The same person that would randomly serenade you out of the blue, it’s been too long since then but you hadn’t forgotten how Taehyun has the voice of an angel, no one could.

As much as you wanted to run away, your feet were anchored to the ground and your conscience sends you hurtling down to him, taking both of his clenched hands into yours.

“You won’t let me, Tae.” You say through quivering lips, “I’m always here, but you don’t see that. What am I suppose to do when you disappear for a week, refusing to pick up any goddamn calls?”

He was crying hard, choking his breaths and you feel him holding on to you until his knuckles turned white, like his life depended on it. That sickening feeling rolled in your gut and it hurts to breathe. You lean towards him, trembling as you place your head next to his,

“What do you want me to do when you’re the one that leaves me?”

~