Scenario: Very loosely based on the song The Reason by Hoobastank (not necessarily lyric wise but the story behind it).

I remember someone requesting this a few days ago, and I couldn’t quite get it out of my head. So here it is!

“You still have her number right?”

Seungyoon perks at the sound of your name, -  it still gets him every time. He mumbles a small of course, because as much as he’d deleted every trace of it- he memorized it by heart.

“Then call her.”

His eyes drifted from the floor to Jinwoo, who was sitting across him, looking nothing but worried stiff over the whole situation.

“Hyung-”

“If you’re sorry as much as you say you are, it up and call her.” Jinwoo cuts him off sharply. “I sure as hell don’t know what’s going on- but you can’t live like this, Seungyoon-ah.”

The eldest was right, and Seungyoon knew it.

“I’ll get over it, hyung.”

“You’re ting me right? It’s been months and look at you.”

He didn’t know it himself- how he looks right now, yesterday- or any day. Seungyoon would leave his room, barely blinking an eye towards his reflection, throwing on any piece of clothing within arms reach. His days would be a constant routine, home and the studio. Though he didn’t know if he could call it home since you’ve left, he’d stay back in the studio most nights.

Just like he did when he had you.

But that was the least damaging he’s ever done, still remembering every word that came out from your pretty mouth. The image of you so hurt as you spew out the things you were so ing sick and tired of, it was all still very clear to him, so clear his heart ached at the memory. 

“What do you want from me?”

“Act like you’re actually in this relationship.”

Act, the word hitched in your throat, it was pathetic how desperate you sound.

“I ing am! What more do I have to do to make you believe that?”

You’re not, Seungyoon-ah.

Your eyes burned as you fight the tears, you didn’t want to lose it, not now. He sure had the nerve to say that he is- when he’s barely home, when he rejects your calls, when all his effort weren’t for you, when you’re only an option. And yet, you gave it all, so much so he’s drained you alive.

“I’m tired of hearing the mailbox instead of you whenever I try to call, I’m tired of waking up in the morning and see that dinner’s left untouched, tired of hearing you say that you can’t make it and find that you’re out with friends.” 

It seemed endless as you go on and he’s heard it all before. The only thing that he seemed to agree with you is that he’s tired as well. Tired of coming home for once and argue about the same damned thing. 

“I’m sorry alright?”

You look at him through heavy eyes, sighing to yourself. Of course, what else would he say? Knowing perfectly well that he’s apologizing just so he wouldn’t have to explain himself. 

“I was an  to her, hyung. I’d be the last person she would ever want to talk to.” Seungyoon cracks out a bleak laugh, avoiding Jinwoo’s gaze.

“All that anger, bitterness- it’s passed. Apologize to her without all that .” Jinwoo says quietly, it was hard to see a friend to be in such a mess. The only thing that were ecstatic were music charts, that seemed to blow up whenever Seungyoon releases yet another heart-rending track. “You need that peace of mind.”  

~

“Yes- hello?”

“Hey…”

It felt like forever since you heard his distinctive voice, but the moment stood still as you recognized it immediately. 

“Don’t hang up.”

You pause just as you were about to end the call, he knew you well enough that you were taken aback at his sudden call. 

“Can I see you?”

At lost for words, you stayed silent.

“Just for a while, it won’t take long. I promise.”

Seungyoon continues, he could hear you breathe on the other line, he smiles because it was just how he remember it to be. That’s what got to him the most, because after months of not hearing from you, every piece of you was still with him, like it was molded into him.

His heart must have flew out of his chest as you quietly agreed to his request, leaving you unable to carry on with whatever it was you were doing. Twenty minutes passed and you were still sat on the same spot, staring off into space, trying to convince yourself that you were fine, you’re over him, remember?

Just when life had resumed, just when you felt that things were finally okay, he just had to call you. It came crashing down on you then, like a painful slap on the face- that it was all false pretense.

How can you forget him just like that?

When you walk through that alleyway, it reminds you of winter nights right on the very same spot where he’d grab your freezing hands into the pockets of his coat. And when you caught him staring, he’d look away with a timid smile on his face.

Or that damned streetlight just before your workplace, where he’d pull you in, leaning against the post, sneaking a kiss or two as he takes you home from work. You remember the feeling of his plush lips, soft on the side of your jaw as he whispers how beautiful you look.

“If anything, I look like death right now, Yoon.”

“Then I must be in heaven.”

“You’re too much, you know that?”

You stopped taking the old route back from work since then.

That was when things were still on a much happier term, and when it wasn’t anymore, you remember going to bed alone, restless as you wait to hear from him. That was all you wanted then- to hear from him, you stopped expecting him to be home most nights. And when he’d come home, seeing you lying on one side, back towards him, he’d slip into bed assuming you were fast asleep.

But sleep was a privilege, you felt the bed dip against his weight and you waited to hear that tired sigh he does when he’s asleep, to turn around and face him. You study him through the darkness of the bedroom, the night lamp subtly highlighting the length of his nose to his full lips, to which you’d forgotten the last time they met yours. There was a distance now between you and him, and line that goes straight down the middle of the bed, invisible yet it felt real, and solid.

Moments like those were what you looked forward to, where there were no bitter words exchanged, only silence. You wanted nothing more than to say how much it hurts, that you weren’t so sure now. But you drifted off to sleep, as you whisper those three words, and maybe, just maybe he’d hear it in his sleep.

You remember the day you told him you were leaving, he’d ask you why you were being so ridiculous.

“There’s no difference, Yoon. Whether I’m here or not, it makes no difference.”

“Why are you being so difficult?”

“Well I wish I came with a warning sign, maybe then we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

The first few months felt suffocating, you didn’t think that it was possible as everything reminded you of him. Your friends took notice of how you’ve kept to yourself most days, always seeming like you’re off absorbed with whatever it was that occupied your thoughts.

When his group released their latest single, you were on your way back home with a friend. His voice had caught you so off guard, you swerved to the side, choked up in tears.

“Did you regret it?”

“No, I don’t.” You pause too take a deep breath, “It didn’t last, but he made me happy.”

~

Seungyoon took his seat across yours, your eyes never left him the second he came in. He’d lost weight, you didn’t think he could get anymore lanky but he did. His scruffy hair almost covering his tired eyes; you see a small smile on his face.

“You’ve cut your hair.”

Out of anything he could’ve said.

“I did.” You say, still looking at him through a half-lid glance.

“How are you?” He finally says after a moment of silence.

“I’m okay.” I suppose. It wasn’t a lie, you’ve been okay up until he decided to call you out of the blue. It was strange for you to hear these things from him, he’d stopped asking how you’ve been even long before the two of you ended things. Hell, he even noticed how you’ve chopped off your hair. It hit you the fact that he must’ve been so used to your presence, too comfortable, that he took these things for granted.

“Why are you here, Seungyoon-ah?” Your voice cracked as you asked him bluntly, feeling your chest tighten. He notices this and you see the look in his eyes change, almost aching.

“I’m sorry, I never got to say it properly- at all.” You never did, Yoon. He looks down to his hands as he finds the words to say, he was hurting and you could see it.

“It’s over now- we’ve passed it.”

“It’s not. For me, it isn’t over.” His eyes were red, and it was clear that he was fighting tears. It’s been a while since he’d let his guard down like this, but you didn’t want to lose it just yet.

“Yoon-”

“It’s ty how you tend to regret things a little too late. I deserved going through that after you left.” His voice shook as he spoke, “I just wish-”

“You hurt me, you hurt me in all the right places.” Cutting him off purely because you were scared of what he was about to say next. “Thank you for that, I wouldn’t be here- doing this well if it weren’t for that.” It was the truth, you were doing just fine, without him.

“I know I’ve hurt you, and it’s selfish of me but I want to make it up to you, if you just let me.”

And there it was.

“Yoon, I’m doing just fine-”

“I want you to be more than just fine.” He looks straight at you, he’s biting his lips so hard, it’s gone practically red against his pale skin. “If I could, I want you to be more than just happy.”

His tone was sincere, raw, you feel your breath stuck in the back of your throat because everything hurt.

“You’re the reason-” He sat up, taking a sharp breath, “I would start over new.”