The moment Sanghyuk got into his room he plopped down on his bed and hide himself under the blankets. He didn’t felt like coming out of his room any time soon. He needed to clear up his mind. Every day since he got to know the truth, Sanghyuk felt like someone had died. It was kind of true though; in the end, the person he thought to be chatting with didn’t exist.

He pushed all the feelings away, but they always came back when his mind drifted off to their memories or when Sanghyuk caught himself wanting to text Hyeonwoo. He still couldn’t erase Hyeonwoo from his Facebook friends list.

Sanghyuk thought he was doing better. He cried less than that he used to do, but seeing Hongbin again made his heart ache and all he wanted to do is cry. The tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn’t made a sound. He didn’t want to worry Hakyeon even more.

He heard Hakyeon talk to someone on the phone, telling that person what had happened a little while ago with a clear tone of panic.

“But still, can you please come over?” Hakyeon asked the person on the phone. “Okay. See you soon.”

Hearing some parts of the phone call, Sanghyuk got to know that Hakyeon really did had a hard time because of him. Even though Hakyeon said it’s not true, the way Hakyeon just sounded on the phone would prove otherwise. Sanghyuk let out a sob he just couldn’t keep in anymore.

Some minutes has passed when Sanghyuk had finally calmed down. He wiped his tears away and looked at the ceiling.

“You know that if you want to cry, you can cry. You shouldn’t bottle everything up.” Sanghyuk heard another voice, it was Taekwoon’s. He must have been the person Hakyeon talked to on the phone

“I know, but I can’t cry. I have to stay strong for Sanghyuk.” Hakyeon said

“It’s okay, I’m here. I will stay strong for the both of you.”

After that it was quiet for a while until the sound of Hakyeon’s sobs could be heard from the living room. Sanghyuk began to feel like the worst person alive. He knew that he was a bother to Hakyeon, that all he was giving to his hyung was stress and sadness, but Hakyeon would still tell him that it was okay and that Sanghyuk wasn’t a bother to him. That’s why he stayed. He believed his hyungs words, but now there won’t be any words that will make Sanghyuk stay. He has to move on and he has to do that on his own. He brought himself in this mess and he didn’t want any of his hyungs to suffer from it anymore.

He got out of his bed, packed the stuff he needed and put it in a navy blue backpack. When he opened the door of his room, he saw Hakyeon and Taekwoon sitting on the couch. Hakyeon was drinking his third bottle of banana milk with the two empty bottles lying on the table while Taekwoon was drinking a cup of coffee.

“I’m… I’m going for a walk.” Sanghyuk said when he stepped into the living room.

“That’s okay, be careful.” Taekwoon said before Hakyeon could say anything

“Thanks.”

Sanghyuk walked to the front door, putting his shoes and jacket on before leaving Hakyeon’s apartment. When he was outside he decided to take a long walk with no destination. It felt good to not worry about anything, to breath in fresh air and to feel the wind blow softly in his face. He felt free, just himself and nobody else.

After a while he arrived at a lake and the view was gorgeous. He took a seat in the grass, took his backpack off and placed it next to him. The sun was shining brightly, warming up his body. It made him almost forget everything and for the first time after a month of sorrow, he felt happy again. However that happiness soon disappeared when he saw a couple walking along the shore of the lake.  They were holding hands while chatting happily and sometimes sharing a playful peek on the lips.

Sanghyuk turned around, he really didn’t want to see that. He didn’t want to be confronted with the thought that he and Hyeonwoo could have been as happy like them. He turned his back to the couple, hoping he would see something that won’t affect his mood. He tried to forget the thoughts that came back into his mind, but it seemed like luck wasn’t on his side that day. There was a girl standing before of him, taking pictures of the ducks with a professional camera, a camera that looks like the one Hongbin has. Sanghyuk shook his head, he really didn’t wanted to think about Hongbin. He looked away from the girl, only to lay his eye on a small flower shop with all kind of roses.

Tears began to form in his eyes. He got to the point that he lost his mind, everything he looked at reminded him of Hongbin or Hyeonwoo. He stood up, swung his backpack over his shoulders and ran away, searching for a place that wouldn’t remind him of everything that happened. He ended up in a cold alley. No one would bother him there and nothing would be able to remind him of the things that had happened.

His phone rang, but he didn’t mind to answer the call. It was probably Hakyeon or Taekwoon who called. He turned his phone off after it rang for the fifth time. He didn’t wanted to get bothered by anyone.

Shivers began to run down his spine as it began to get colder. He had no idea how long he was sitting on the cold ground nor did he know what time it was. However, he didn’t care that much about it. He wanted to be alone, yet he wanted someone to support him. But then again, he didn’t wanted to be a bother.

“Why do I not know what I want?” Sanghyuk asked himself, frustrated, as tears fell down his cheeks and soft sobs left his mouth. He hid his face behind his hands as the sobs grew louder. He then felt something against his leg. He removed his hands from his face and looked in the at the thing that was causing that ticklish feeling. It was a small white kitten. It didn’t wore a collar and had a small wound above his big round curious eyes.

“Did you ran away too?” Sanghyuk asked the kitten, which replied with an adorable mew.

Sanghyuk tried to pet the animal, but it took a few steps backwards. It must be scared of people.

“It’s okay, I won’t hurt you.” Sanghyuk said and reached out his hand for the second time. The kitten stared at it before the kitten slowly walked towards Sanghyuk’s hand. He felt the soft sniffing from the kitten against his skin and it allowed him to pet its fur. “I guess we’re both kind of broken, aren’t we?” Sanghyuk said and the kitten replied with another adorable mew.

When Sanghyuk completely won over the kitten’s trust, he picked it up and held it close in his arms. Feeling a bit warmer because of the warm kitten in his arms.

“You don’t seem to have an owner. So how about you coming home with me instead of roaming alone on the streets? We can become great friends and stay together.” Sanghyuk said and smiled as he petted the kitten’s head, being careful not to touch the wound on its face. “I also have to name you then. Hmm…” Sanghyuk thought for a while. “I know the perfect name for you. I will call you Marshmallow, since you’re white and soft like one too.”