Chapter 27

How do you say goodbye to someone who’s been there for you almost all your life? If you choose to walk away and they’re gone in your life forever, where does the love you have for them go?  These were the questions that have been running inside Yonghwa’s mind as he headed home that early morning. The hardest part wasn’t confessing that he loves her, it wasn’t the begging for her to choose him instead but the part where you realize that the only way to go is give up, wish her happiness and let go. The second he stood up and turned his back on her was the same second he knew he lost his heart, his reason for living.

He may have sacrificed their friendship by just laying it out there but she needs to hear it from him, he needs to clear that kiss that has been bothering her, he wants her to get married free from anything and if that means losing her then be it.  He knows she will always be that one person that will always have his heart and he’ll make peace with that, it’s not as if he can control it, he has been controlling it way too long and now that he’d let go it come spiraling everywhere.

He could’ve stayed quiet and just let things be but he can’t bear the thought the she’s burdened by it and from what he just heard, he had hurt her a lot all throughout these years and though he didn’t mean it since he was blind, it was not an excuse to not take part of the blame. If he was just sensitive enough, then maybe, just maybe they could’ve avoided all these heartache but that’s life, we lose some we win some and he knows he had not just lose some…he lost all.

He walked lifelessly home and thanked the heavens when he found out that no one is awake yet, he won’t be able to stand to look at anyone right now eye to eye and he badly needs someone to comfort him too but he knows that what he needs right now is to be alone. He was in no mood to eat or to laugh or to smile and so he just decided to leave. He hurriedly packed his things and left a note to his family that he was called early by is commander but in truth he just wants to get away even for a day. If what happened earlier was to be brought to their familys knowledge, then it sure won’t be coming from him. He would let Joohyun handle this and it’s all in her hands though he doubt she’ll tell a single soul about it and that hurts as well since when things go badly wrong, they run to each other for comfort. Who are they going to run to now?

He took a bus and went to blindly anywhere it could take him he just needs to get away and sadly right now all he wanted was to stay away from her as far as possible. He is now a distraction and maybe a bad memory and he just have to stop hurting her. After what happened he knows that his mere existence and just by the sound of his name will bring back memories of their talk. The tears he’d seen her shed in those few hours was immeasurable and he knows, together with that is the hurt of everything that they’ve talked about. Love make friendships complicated and now he knows that they are not simply bestfriends all these years but one really has loved the other. She’d loved him first, he’d love her next but apparently they can’t meet halfway. Maybe it wasn’t written on their fate at all.

He found himself walking along the coastline of Sokcho, with only his backpack he sat on the white sand and look out the horizon. There were only a few people given that it’s a weekend. He lied down and covered his face with his cap, he looks exactly like any wanderers around the world. He was physically and emotionally tired given that he hasn’t really had a decent sleep for a long time. He concentrated on the sound of the waves coming from the sea and the birds flying above him. IT was peaceful, atleast even if it’s only his surroundings.

He was about to doze off when he heard a bunch of kids arguing. He tried to tune it out at first but the voices came louder and louder . He removed his cap and search where the voices were coming from and when he found it he looked on waiting for what to happen next. It seems like a little boy and a little girl was arguing, probably locals since he can’t see any sign of their parents anywhere. The girl shouted at the boy, the boy shouted back then the girl took hold of the boys shirt and is about to punch him. He chuckled. The little girl is a bad . He then saw the girl walk away leaving the dumbfounded friend behind. The boys face fell and he sulkily walked towards the direction where Yonghwa was seated, the boy came closer and closer until he decided to sit near where he was sitting. The boy was now looking at the sea and playing with the sand, he’s about 10 if Yonghwa was right.

“Hey kid” he decided to talk to him, he suddenly had the urge to talk to someone. Anyone.

“O Hello sorry did I get sand on your things?” the boy asked

“No, you okay?”

The kids face fell not really wanting to talk about it but not wanting to lie either “No”

“Why?”

“I had a fight with my bestfriend”

It was Yonghwas turn to sulk great..just what I need he thought. If he could run to the sea and drown himself there, he would. How on earth did he get there and find himself in that situation? He want to curse out loud, he want to trash something he just wants to do something violently until he saw the boys face looking at him weirdly.

“Are you ok ajussi?”

“No and I’m not an ajussi I’m just a hyung”

“O I’m sorry, you’re not from here are you?” the boy asked

“Nope, just passing by”

The younger one nodded and looks ahead again.

“So what happen between you and you’re friend?”

“I asked her to marry me as a joke because i said I'd like to also have all her PS4 games that Metal Gear Solid V is so sick! she got mad, I said I was sorry, It was really just a joke I was just playing with her”

Yonghwa took a deep breath. KIDS. Well atleast the kid, even if it was a joke had the courage to ask her to marry him while he on the other hand was too blind even for a joke. He was a joke and he still is.

“Well do you like your friend?”

“NO!!!!” the kid looked at him as if he committed the worst crime ever

“Chill kid, I was just asking you’ll never know”

“How can I like someone like her?! We practically grew up together!”

“So?!”

“What do you mean so? Ajussi! That’s weird!”

“Hyung!!!!! and It’s not weird kid, listen, don’t be a fool, if you feel something for her say it or you’ll regret it later!”

The kid stared at him as if he’s some kind of lunatic and was speaking alien

“Tsk forget it, you’re still too young, but remember my words okay?”

Of which the boy just nodded

“Okay, go now and say sorry to your friend before she puts something on your food the next time you eat together”

He watch the boy walk away scratching his head still wondering what he meant, he chuckled and lied down a