Chapter 24

He walked aimlessly that night back to his room and worked like a zombie in the days to follow, he almost never talked to anyone and few of his friends noticed it. They just knew he spoke with Joohyun but the outcome of that call was never disclosed to them and by the looks of it, it was not good. He would sit on his bed night after night recalling their conversation.

“Are you sure?” was the only question he was able to utter

The 3 letter word feels like a knife cutting slowing through his skin then through his flesh

“YES”

The words in his brain piled up like garbage but just wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wanted to ask why? What? How? And say please no. But what is there to say? He actually fell off his chair right after he heard it. In a normal day he would’ve laugh at himself, but Joohyun saying she’ll get married is no laughing matter however he looks at it. NO. She was still talking but all he’s hearing was himself shouting NO. The internal battle of whether to start a fight with Joohyun that exact night was too much. He wanted to present his case. But what case really? He is just the bestfriend and his role in her life is to be there when she needs him and make sure that she’s happy. Sadly she is.

The realization did come way too late. If he thought that his feelings towards her were something he can think about in the future, the plan was long gone now. She’ll be with someone who makes her happy and is someone who returns the love she gives. The problem with having to deal with this situation inside the army is the feeling of helplessness, there is nothing he can do, and his actions are limited. He can’t even entertain himself to forget everything even if he wants to. The four corners of their barracks are like large pillars which hold the jail bars that imprison him.

The torture that comes to thinking of Joohyun and their past. Their moments together which were random and ordinary then were all precious to him now. With each passing day, he came to admit that he had loved her all along, each hug, smile, phone calls were all signs that she loved him but why didn’t he see it then? Or was he busy thinking of how he feels for her that he overlooked what she feels for him? He unconsciously keeps his heart in check when it comes to her, he would sometime find himself staring intently at her then would question himself why he’s looking at her then he would shove it under the rug. That’s how much in control he was with his heart. What would that control do now Yonghwa, he thought, your losing it already. You’re losing her. You lost her.

He will try to occupy his day with his regular task and he would ask for more tasks, sometimes staying up late at night just to past the time. Little by little the day to see Joohyun is nearing. He wanted to cancel yet he wanted to see her. He just wants nothing to do with her at the same time he wants everything of her. He himself is getting scared of his thoughts. He had never felt this way with anyone but then again maybe because it’s his bestfriend he fell in love with. She is nothing like anyone in the world. No one else would come even close.

~~~~~~~~~~

“She’s home”

He looked at his sister straight in the eyes. His heart having that erratic beating again. He still have 5 days before his vacation but knowing now that they are only miles away, standing on the same land, hovered by the same sky made him jittery that he wants to cry to his sister. Jessica moved next to him and patted his back. She knew. All these time.

“They didn’t know I’m coming to see you” she spoke quietly beside him “I just want to let you know first just in case she suddenly shows up unannounced. We were having dinner last night when she suddenly burst through the door with a huge smile on her face.  Even if she stayed in the US for almost a year and a half she didn’t changed at all”

He was still staring ahead

“Ottoeke noona?” his voice shook

“I’m sorry Yonghwa I wish I knew what to say, she told me last night about the engagement”

He looked at his sister “Is she happy?”

She bit her lower lip thinking what to say next, but she knows her brother, there’s no point hiding it when he will eventually see it with his own eyes

“She’s radiating”

He closed his eyes to even out his breathing.

“I know Yonghwa, all these years I knew”

His head jerked towards his sisters direction “Knew what?”

“That you like her, you’re inlove with her”

“How?”

“Yonghwa I’m your sister and no matter how polar opposite we are, we occupied 1 womb for 9 months that’s gotta count for something”

He chuckled, leave it to Jess to make simple and unadulterated things go complicated “What?”

“You’re so obvious Yong! You stare at her everytime like she’s a delicious food that just came out of the kitchen!”

He stared at her mortified “I look like I’m gonna eat her?!”

“NO pabo! What I mean is your eyes light up by the mere sight of the top of her head, you get giddy and excited when you smell her scent, you seem like someone holding the world in their hands when she’s around. You have this capable aura that everything is possible. You are a better person when you’re with her”

He looked down and stared at his hands “Was I that stupid?”

“I don’t Yonghwa, we sometimes have to lose people to appreciate how much they mean to us. You didn’t lose Joohyun but her presence. When she was around, you thought she will always be there but the minute you realize she won’t be that’s the time you examine what you really feel. Did you ever feel anything different for her?”

“I did but I chose to be alienated with that feeling. It was something I never felt