The First Symphony Chapter 15: Don't Look Down

*Soo Jin's POV*

The next day came and I was ready. My mom waved me off. I tried to pep myself by repeating the words that Seungri told me yesterday.

"Don't be TOO hard on the poor guy. He's just as confused as you are."

My feet take me to the roof automatically. Hopefully no one was there. The gods were on my side today. I leaned over the roof's railing and watched the people walk below. They resemble ants and I can't help, but to feel powerful. I grimace to myself and step away from the side. It wasn't my place to look down on people. Those times were long gone.

I used to be in a gang. They were called 2NE1. You see, once you're a part of it, you can never leave until you turn 21. That was the rule, but I broke it. My members have been looking for me since then, but I begged my parents to move. And here I am, in Seoul.

Two years ago my name would have been Soulja. Short for soldier and similar to my real name, Soo Jin. They called me that because I was uncaring and stoic. I've changed since then, but the fact still remained: I was a part of that gang since I was 10. They were like a family away from family. Five years. Five years of drug dealing, smoking, and gang fights. Although I was the youngest member, I killed more people than what I was proud of. When I hurt someone special to me, that's when I quit the gang. How the Queenkas accepted me regardless of my past, it was something extraordinary.

I try to stay away from people as much as possible. There was always a possibility they would come back, and I could not risk anything. But I made a mistake, I've been to loose these days and now Taehyung and other people could suffer from my lack of caution.

My hands take my hair in desperation and I cry hysterically. I collapse on the ground and allow my tears to cover my face. Why does karma exist? Why is it so cruel? My breathing is coming out in shallow breaths and I can't help, but to feel that I deserve it. All of the horrible things I've done in my life can never amount to anything good. 

I turned to piano as a way to vent all of my negative actions. Perhaps if I help my family and write good music, it will clean my slate. This was not true of course. A sinner sins and apologizes, but is never forgiven. That is the truth of the matter. The door to the roof opens suddenly and I hear a gasp. 

I croak pathetically, "Go away." Although I say this, I want comfort. I want someone to take my tears away.

"Soo Jin…" Jimin's soft voice calls out to me like a song. I stand up abruptly, head still low and try to walk away from him. He stops me and lifts my chin. Déjà vu. His hands gently clean my tears and he brings me into an embrace. I say nothing in return, just allow myself to sob into his chest.

I gather his shirt in my fists and say, "Comfort me." He stiffens, probably not knowing what to do. "Comfort me," I order, more demanding this time. Jimin complies, unsure. He rubs my head and whispers sweet nothingness in my ear.

"You'll be okay. I'm here. Shh. It's alright."

I hug him and start, "Jimin. I wish-" my words bubble out of my mouth as I continue to cry.

"I wish I could change the past. I want to take back what I know I can't," my voice slowly becomes level and I finish, "I want to apologize to anyone I've hurt. I wish I wasn't so selfish."

I stuff my face into his shoulder and he says, "You're only a human, Soo Jin. We all do things we didn't know would be so impacting in our lives and other's lives." He rocks me back and forth, as if dancing to an invisible rhythm.

"I do things I know I'll regret later, but I guess that's what connects people. Not by our virtues, but by our flaws." I nod into his shoulder and follow the rocking he's set. Silently, anything between us has been forgiven. He probably didn't even want to comfort me, but here he was. Shirt drenched in my tears, and still hugging me. No one has ever done something like this for me. I'm touched and in this moment, I feel something new.

We part after so long and he asks, "Am I forgiven?" He rubs the back of his neck and I respond, "Of course." He grins, but it drops when he asks me, "What made you cry?" I look at him and turn around. Crossing my arms, my cold exterior returns.

"Nothing that matters to you," I state as I leave the roof. He stands there, baffled. 

I'm not going to make this mistake again. I won't let Jimin become like Hyunseung. Far away from me. I grit my teeth and hold another round of tears. Never again. Never again will I drop my guard. Never again will I let someone worm into my heart.

But I have to pull myself together as I say bitterly, "He IS worming into my heart."

*Taehyung's POV*

God. I was dying. It was so boring not having anything to do in here. I have to do this for a whole month?! IMPOSSIBLE I tell you! My mother left about an hour go saying that I would be fine without her. But if her definition of 'fine' was laying in a bed with nothing to do, I was more than just 'fine'. I started singing my abc's and just about any other song I knew. I checked the clock on the wall and groaned in frustration.

10:29. 

"How can I pass the time?" I pouted to myself. Wait. I just had an epiphany. Grabbing the remote, I pressed the nurse button. The nurse came in here, worry evident on her face.

"Mr. Kim?! Is there anything wrong?!"

Nodding and grinning I say, "I'm dying-" she gasps and rushes to give me some medicine, "Of boredom." I finish, a happy look on my face. She looks at me in fury.

"You're only supposed to use that button in emergencies."

I shrug and say innocently, "It IS an emergency." The nurse points to the tv and then the remote. Making an 'O' face, I turn on the tv. She watches intently as I suddenly become entertained by a kids show. She facepalms and stomps out of the room, livid by my childish actions.

"ELMO'S WORLD!" My shouts of euphoria echo in the room. People passing by stare into the room, wondering who was causing so much ruckus while watching Sesame Street. I'm in my own little world as Elmo talks to his pet fish, Dorothy. 

"Say something, Dorothy! Why do you never respond?!" I shout at the television. That fish dares to be Elmo's friend and doesn't talk back?! The nurse from before returns.

"What are you doing now?! You're disturbing the patients with your shouting!"

I point at the screen and shout back, "You don't get it! Dorothy doesn't talk back!"

"It's a fish you dunce! Do YOU know any fish that talks?!" 

My mouth closes. She makes a valid point. But this is the world of Sesame Street so technically, if a huge bird can talk, a fish should be able to, too! She leaves the room for the second time in today. 

I can't help, but think that she'll be back again.

*??? POV*

"Yah! Dara focus on driving you dumb old lady!"

"Do you want me to crash this damn car?! I will hurt you right now!"

I rub my temples and yell, "BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!!! IF YOU KEEP ARGUING, WE'LL NEVER FIND THIS PLACE!" Park Bom pats my back and I huff. "Come on, leader. We should be there soon. Just keep a level head and we'll find her."

This damn girl was more trouble than she was worth. We've been looking everywhere for her since she suddenly abandoned us. Our little soldier. Where are you now, you traitor? That boy, Hyunseung, was the cause of all of this. If it hadn't been for him, she would still be at my side, hopelessly in love with me, and still following us till the ends of the Earth. Maybe killing him wasn't the right choice, but he made her weak. He told her she should leave us. That we weren't good for her. Now that little rat was where he belonged. 

6 feet deep.