A figure sitting on the stairs watching as the cars and people passing by, letting a deep sigh out of her. Fiddling on the phone screen once awhile looking on certain picture before tugging a faint smile on her lips.

"Hey, you should come in now." a voice break her from her moment, she weakly smile before entering the door.

"You've been sitting at the back door for awhile, what are you thinking?"

"Nothing in particular" she put her phone inside her pocket before joining the latter.

"Do you want to talk about it?" a concern tone were heard but she is stubborn. She hate to let anyone see her in vunerable state, she hate that everyone could see through her like an open book but who were she kidding? 

"I'm fine Yuri"

"Are you?" 

"How about you then?" she shotted back and the question were enough to make Yuri to stop asking.

"I'm concerned Am, you've been.."

"Stop it Yul, let's just stop pretending okay? You know, I know. Isn't it enough?" Yuri sighed again, it's true. Both of them could understand each other very well when it comes to this kind of problem.

"I have my friends with me but you are alone, just stop being stubborn okay?" Amber look at Yuri in disbelief, her heavy heart are getting more and more painful.

"I'm not a loner"

"You are, you have so many people around you but tell me how many of them actually know about this?" Amber trying to answer but nothing come out from , she her dried lips and look away.

"That's what I thought" Yuri scoffed, she punch in a her door password and gesture Amber to enter her house.

"Hey Am, llama! Yo, Amber" she heard several voices greeting her, she smile as she saw the SNSD members scattered on the living room. Taeyeon were playing with Ginger, Tiffany were flipping on a magazine, Hyoyeon lay on the couch watching TV, Seohyun are munching on her goguma chips, Sooyoung and Yoona argue on the last snacks on the table while Sunny are talking with someone on the phone.

"Wow, I don't know everyone would be here" Amber let out a chuckled before tackled down by the shikshins.

"You 2 shikshins, get off of her!" Sunny said after her phone call ended, Taeyeon and Tiffany laugh on their antics. It's been awhile since the last time they hanging out with the boyish girl, it wasn't a surprise if she was tackled down by the Sooyoung and Yoona.

"Thank you unnie" Amber said after escaped from the bear hug.

"Come here, give me a hug" Sunny open her arm widely and Amber gladly hugging her.

"How are you llama?" Tiffany asked by the time Amber went to hug her.

"I'm cool Tiff" 

"Hey, what did I tell you about lying?" she raise her brows and it enough to make the boyish girl flinch, she drag Amber and asked her to seat on the couch.

"I'm getting better I think" Amber look at all the faces that surrounding her now, Seohyun hold her hand and give it a light squeeze.

"I..I just hope everything will be over soon"

"Am, we are here. You got our number, please don't keep everything yourself. Anytime, anywhere. Called us if you need someone to talk to" Amber smile, maybe this is her first genuine smile.

"Thank you for always being there for me unnies, I really appreciate this." Amber tears are threatening to fall, she been holding her tears since day 1. She refuse to shed a tears and she did successfully faking her happiness in front of everyone but not infront of this unnies. Not even Minah, Ellin, Jackson, Henry or Min know the war within herself. Yuri slowly came to her and pull her in a hug, her hug finally broke Amber defense. She start sobbing and her tears wetted Yuri shirt but she didn't complain. She know Amber need this, she saw as the boyish girl wearing a fake smile and how the emotion are slowly eating her up. She watch the 'I Live Alone' episode where Amber daily life recorded, she watch as the boyish girl getting tired easily on after a short skate from her apartment to the basketball court. Yuri know about Amber insomnia but she also know that it never affect the boyish girl too much, the changes are too obvious. Amber cheekbone are too visible now, so does her eyebag.

"Hey, let's stop being all dramatic here. I'm hungry, I missed your cooking unnie" Amber said while looking at Taeyeon and Sunny.

"Let's have a feast today for our dongseng" Sooyoung and Yoona were the loudest to cheer when it comes to food.

"You should come often llama"they said almost came out as a whisper

"Yahh, I heard that shikshin. We only going to have feast once a month and that will only happen if Amber is here