I have been on edge for the last week, ever since that performance I watched of EXO at KBS. Yixing's facial expression screamed pain and sadness. He was hurting but for how long has it been like that. How long has he been keeping it bottled up just to let me know that he was alright. I knew that when I was pregnant he didn't like to talk about his problems, he kept everything hidden from me for my benefit especially since I was on high alert with my pregnancy.

But I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything. Thats what the ring on my left hand symbolize; love and truth. 

For now though Hana and I decided to leave a night earlier, which is today. Everything is already packed in the car and we were just waiting till the twins went down to bed in their car seats. That meant we would be getting back super late at night but since the babies really only woke up once in the middle of the night around 2AM, we wouldn't have to stop during the ride unless we had to get gas. 

I wanted to leave tonight instead of tomorrow because then early in the morning, I could go EXO's dorm and suprise Yixing with the DVD's that had the 6 weeks worth of twins footage of them doing everything before they had head for the day during their schedule.

And also another reason why I wanted to leave tonight was I was just feeling a little home sick. I missed my bed and I missed my couch. They always made me feel safe. Even though Busan was a lot more quiet then Seoul, I just missed the sound of the cars at night. Also, Busan was great if I wanted to go for a walk without worrying about people finding me. I haven't seen any media ever since I got here. Lucky for me. 

"It's already 7, so the babies are ready to be put to bed. Then we can leave." Hana sat down next to me on the balcony that over looked Busan.

"Okay, they are in their car seats right now anyways." I told her, watching the breathtaking view of the sunset. "So we just have to wait till they fall asleep."

"I'm fine with waiting, the summer sunset is always a beautiful sight." she replied.

I turned to face her, Hana was quite possibly my best friend. She was stunning but also funny and just always there for me. 

"Thank you." I sincerely told her. "For everything. For helping me out these last 6 weeks. The days I broke down and wouldn't get out of bed, you were there rubbing my back and telling me that I had to get up for my children. So for that, I want to say thank you." 

~~

Three hours into driving and I was having a hard time with two things; 1. keeping my eyes open, I was on the verge of passing out because I was up early with packing and the twins. 2. texting or calling Yixing to tell him I was coming home. I was still debating on seeing him as soon as we got there and after I put the babies in their cribs or just to see him before his schedule tomorrow morning.

I wanted to see him so badly, I was finally believing that I could be a great girlfriend and even wife. These past 6 weeks was eye opening. I wasn't even thinking straight the days before I left Seoul. The thoughts that went through my mind were so unlike me. How could I even say to myself that I wanted Yixing to move from me?

I was so madly in love with him that sometimes it hurt so much to not be able to talk with him. I can't wait for that ring to get back on my finger, it's been weird to have not been wearing these past weeks. I hardly ever took it off, even when I was in labour I had it on. It just feels like I'm walking without it on.

And I had to make sure to get answers out of Yixing for what happened during the recording last week because it's been on my mind since it happened. He just looked so hurt and drained. I really hope he is doing well both mentally and physically. I know how he pushes himself and doesn't listen to people because he is the most stubborn person I know. The amount of times I told him to take a rest during our trainee days. Most nights I would leave the company building around 1am from my own dance practices and I would always hear the music from playing down the hall and see Yixing still going to improve his dancing. Dancing didn't come naturally for him at first so that's why he was almost up for 20 hours straight just trying to get his dancing right.

He wouldn't listen to me. He wouldn't listen to anyone really. Until he got his first injury. One day his hips just gave out, making him fall onto the ground and cry in agony. I happened to be in the next room and heard his cries for help. So instantly I ran to where the sound was coming from and I saw him helplessly laying on the ground with a tear stained face.

After that incident, I have never seen him show any sign of pain until now. So my question is that had it always been hurting? Or was he