It Was Never Easy

My Disorder is You

“Oppa! Oppa!” Taeyeon cried out as she watched the older male walking away but he didn’t look back. Slumping down as the tears covered her face, the 15 year old Taeyeon was lost. Just a month earlier she lost her mother and now the only person separating her and her father decided to abandon her too.

A hand gently went over her right shoulder making her shiver in fear, “It is just me and you now.” She didn’t dare look up at the man that pulled her in closer, “You can’t stop your brother from going to university when you still have to finish high school.”

Remaining numb, Taeyeon just followed her father back into the house. More like a prison she had to reenter on her own this time. In the back of her head, she could only think of 3 years...in 3 years she will be able to escape her imprisonment.

“Tae are you okay?”

Taeyeon stopped playing with the pen in her hand and looked up at her friend, “did you say something?”

“I asked if you were okay? You have been looking at that blank form for like 10 minutes now. Did you really forget your name?”

Looking back down at the form she was supposed to have completed by now, “Uh....no I didn’t just something came to mind.”

“Well finish it up so we can get you a new secretary asap.”

“Why couldn’t you just finish up all this paperwork for me?”

“Because I am not your secretary anymore? Also after hiring Tiffany you said you would handle that business personally from now on and it starts with you filling out that form.”

Taeyeon groaned as she felt her hand was going to melt from the endless amount of paperwork Sooyoung was making her do on a nice sunny day, “By the way what is Jessica doing?”

Taeyeon tapped on the paper as she read the form carefully, “Ugh finals. She and I are going to be separated for 3 days while she takes her exams.”

“Why did you choose to come when she has exams?”

“It is only 3 days and this way she and I take the same plane back to Korea.”

“Are you her mother?”

Taeyeon looked up from her papers in surprise, “What?”

“I feel like it is the parent’s job or something to take their kid home.”

“It can be a lover too...” Taeyeon grumbled.

Sooyoung started laughing, “You two are adorable. No wonder Jessica’s parents like you so much.”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but smile at the small accomplishment she made with Jessica’s parents. It made her feel like she was truly deserving of having Jessica for herself.

---------------------------

Jessica looked up at the clock for the tenth time, “Five minutes...” noticing there wasn’t much time, Jessica started looking over her exam answers one more time. A smile appeared on her face when she approved of what she wrote down for the most part. Maybe she won’t get an A on this but it was decent enough to pass with something like a B.

“Alright students pencils down and hand your tests forward.”

Jessica did as the teacher said before packing her things away and taking out her phone. She glanced to see a message from her group project member with the final powerpoint but she didn’t care about that; “Ah...I don’t know why I expected. She knows I am busy.” Knowing she didn’t get a message from someone special, she packed it away and grabbed her bag to leave.

“Jessica.”

Hearing the teacher call her name, Jessica turned to face the man, “Yes?”

The teacher looked over the classroom waiting for the other students to leave, “Can you do me one last favor as my student?”

Jessica raised her eyebrow, “Umm sure?”

The man smiled showing a dimple, “I know it sounds strange but can you give this to your friend Taeyeon for me? She will know what it is when she sees it.”

Jessica looked at the box before looking up at the teacher, “Do you mind me asking what relation you have to her?”

The man just smiled before taking a seat back at his desk, “I think your friend can explain that to you better than me. We have a different view of who we are to each other, but I am sure we will be seeing each other in the future Jessica.”

That wasn’t the answer she was expecting from her professor but she assumed Taeyeon would tell her how she knew the man, “Well thanks for everything while I was here professor Kim.”

Jessica shoved the box in her bag before pulling out her phone to send a quick message before heading to her dorm.

 

A few hours of looking over her notes passed when a message came on her phone again making Jessica smile brightly. Full of excitement, Jessica ran down the stairs to meet the person outside, “Hey.”

Taeyeon smiled brightly as she entered the dormitory, “Did you miss me or are you looking for a distraction from your studies?”

Jessica smiled as she weaved her fingers through Taeyeons’ whilst walking up the stairs, “The first one is a given...and possibly the second.”

Taeyeon let out a loud laugh which was music to Jessica’s ears as she missed the older woman so much the past two days of exams, “What have you been doing for two days?”

Taeyeon lined up her shoes in the doorway before going to the couch and sitting down, not so gracefully, as she was very tired, “Sooyoung and I were working on finding me a secretary.”

“While you are in America?”

“Seriously it is just paperwork. I need a secretary to do this all for me,” Taeyeon whined and gave a little pout.

Jessica couldn’t help but laugh at the girl acting so cute next to her, “I am sure you will find a good one soon.”

“I need to. I had to pass my clients to other people while I am without one. What if they never want to come back because I was gone so long?”

Jessica turned to rub Taeyeon’s arm affectionately, “They will come back. You are amazing at your job and you couldn’t help being sick.”

Taeyeon smiled before cupping Jessica’s face and giving her a tender kiss, “I don’t mind being sick a little longer if I can get time like this with you.”

Jessica smiled before pressing a rough kiss on Taeyeon’s lips, “So cheesy...” Hungry for her girlfriend’s lips, Jessica couldn’t stop herself from and tasting those luscious lips. Jessica even noticed how Taeyeon wasn’t acting timid with the way she grabbed onto the back of Jessica’s shirt for support.

Thinking Taeyeon couldn’t breathe, Jessica pulled away and looked at Taeyeon’s closed eyes as the older girl let out a sigh, “wow.”

Jessica took her hand to caress Taeyeon’s face, “I don’t think you know this but you are actually a really good kisser.”

Taeyeon just smiled shyly before pressing her hand hard on Jessica’s back and leaning forward for another kiss. This time she took the lead to pry the younger girl’s lips open to lead them into a heated liplock. This time it was Jessica who was utterly breathless with the girl’s bolder actions, “I really missed you.”

Jessica placed her hand on Taeyeon’s forehead, “Are you sick or high on pain medication again? My girlfriend is acting a bit strange.”

Taeyeon chuckled as she moved away from Jessica and crossed her arms, “I see my girlfriend doesn’t like it.”

Jessica scooted closer trying to unfold Taeyeon’s arms, “Never! I mean, you are just acting...normal.”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but laugh at Jessica’s utter failure to get her arms unfolded that she just gave in and pulled Jessica into her arms, “You make me do things I never thought I would be comfortable with. With you I feel relaxed and every action just feels right.

Jessica went to nuzzle her head into Taeyeon’s neck, “I feel the same with you...” Both girls became addicted to the warmth of the other that their eyes were becoming dangerously heavy. When Jessica’s eyes closed, her mind went to the box that was given to her earlier making her back away from Taeyeon, “I almost forgot!” Taeyeon opened her eyes to look at the girl going through her book bag for something, “Professor Kim told me to give this to you.”

Taeyeon grimaced at the mention of the man again but she took the box handed before her, “I wish he would stop bothering you.”

“Taeyeon...what is your relation to him exactly?”

“No relation.”

Jessica knew she was lying but she decided to deflect the tense atmosphere, “Are you going to see what is inside?”

“I am sure it isn’t important.”

“Taeyeon,” Jessica said firmly, “you need to open that box.”

It had been a long time since Taeyeon saw the seriousness and fire in Jessica’s eyes that she couldn’t find the strength to resist the girl’s orders. With a heavy sigh, Taeyeon opened the box which had a small note on top but under the note was a ring which she immediately recognized making her heart ache. Quickly, Taeyeon closed the box and shoved it into her purse whilst standing up, “I have to go.”

Jessica was shocked with the sudden request to leave but somehow she knew that Taeyeon had somewhere to be. Somewhere much more important than her dorm room. And Jessica understood.

Taeyeon reached for her shoes before looking over to Jessica one last time, “I will see you tomorrow okay?”

Jessica walked over to the doorway to take Taeyeon’s hand and kiss it lightly, “Of course.”

Taeyeon leaned forward to give her girlfriend one last peck on the lips, “I love you.”

Jessica took her free hand to place it on Taeyeon’s cheek, “I love you too.”

Both hearts swelled with joy from those simple words before the older woman departed in the late night.

-------------------------

A loud knocking came on the door of her hotel suite, “Who the heck is here so late?”

The door opened to show a petite woman, “Hey Soo.”

“Tae what are you doing here so late?”

“Can I come in?”

Sooyoung moved to the side to let her friend in, “Of course.”

Taeyeon decided not to sit down but show Sooyoung what was in the box, “He gave this to me.”

Sooyoung readjusted her eyes to look down at the ring, “Isn’t that your mother’s? Also who gave this to you?”

Taeyeon rubbed the back of her neck, “Jessica has a professor here...”

“Taeyeon cut to the chase.”

“Oppa.”

Sooyoung’s jaw dropped in shock, “Your brother is here?!”

“Yea...”

“Wait you knew he was here but didn’t tell me? Your best friend?”

“If it makes you feel better, I didn’t tell Jessica about him.”

“Are you planning on telling Jessica?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted to not think about him anymore but then he gives me this. What do you think he is trying to say?”

“I thought you said your dad took this and was going to sell it off for alcohol.”

“Well that was what he said.”

Sooyoung leaned on the chair next to her, “The easiest way is to just go ask your brother you know.”

Taeyeon started to walk around the room, “What good would that do? Oppa made it clear enough that he didn’t care to be in my life 11 years ago. Why should I let him come in and out of my life as he pleases?”

“Taeyeon I know you have a lot of anger towards your brother and trust me, I want to get a punch in him too but he is family. Shouldn’t you at least give him some of your time?”

“What is wrong with him coming to Korea and finding me? I waited 3 years for him to come and get me out of that hellhole but he never came! I wasn’t foolish to wait the next 8 years for him. He died the moment he walked away after mom’s death.”

“People change Tae. I know he wasn’t a good brother and ran away when he got the chance but shouldn’t you give him a chance...to understand what he was going through?”

“He never was there for me. Even when dad beat us, he always put the blame on me. When he saw a way to escape, he took it. That person doesn’t know anything about caring for others so why should I sympathize with him?”

Sooyoung sighed at her stubborn friend, “Look Tae. You came to me for advice and that is it. Go meet with him and ask why he left and why he had your mother’s ring. I think you need some kind of closure in your life. You need to let these demons die and not keep having them fester inside you.”

“But Soo...”

“No Tae. You should know better than anyone as a psychologist that you need to do this. If you won’t listen to me, then listen to Dr. Kim Taeyeon the psychologist.”

-----------------------------

Taeyeon looked at the name card on the door before giving it a knock, “Yes come in.” With one last breath, Taeyeon entered the office causing the man behind the desk to look up in shock, “I didn’t think you would come.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes before walking up to the man and throwing the box in front of him, “Why do you have this?”

The man’s eyes went down to the box, “Father gave it to me.”

Raking her fingers through her hair, Taeyeon rolled her eyes, “So he didn’t sell it. The only thing that bastard did right.”

The man came out from behind his desk as if to touch Taeyeon but she backed away, “Look Taeyeon...I know we left off on some bad terms but I met dad here. I moved to the states to be with him.”

“You are unbelievable,” Taeyeon said with anger, “You ing leave me because you were afraid of that man yet you are willing to be with him again?! What kind of sick are you!”

The man groaned at the amount of profanities escaping the girl’s mouth, “Taeyeon it wasn’t easy! Leaving you and coming back to him. It was hard and I didn’t want to do both but I want to make up for my sins. Please forgive me enough to call me your brother again.”

“What right do you have to have me call you that again?”

“We have time Taeyeon. I want to use the rest of my time on this earth being the best brother I can for you. I am willing to sacrifice anything. I swear.”

Taeyeon knew she was cracking when she saw the sincerity in her brother’s eyes, “Just answer me one thing. Why are you with dad?”

“After becoming a professor, I took a sabbatical here. Dad was working at a fast food joint and I later found out that was just one of his three jobs at the time. He was sober Taeyeon. That is why he and I talked about how he got help but used all his savings in treatments so he couldn’t afford to go back to Korea. He took small jobs here and applied for residency.”

“Doesn’t answer my question. Why are you still with him?”

“Well he got his residency, but he can’t work. I came back to the US a year later when I was called as his emergency contact. He had a and is suffering some organ damage with all the drinking he used to do. Even if he beat me, I couldn’t let the man die alone.”

“So you took a job here and are caring for him now?”

“Basically.” The man looked at his sister but she just sighed and stayed silent, “Taeyeon would you meet with him?”

“Why should I?!” Taeyeon held back a yell.

“Taeyeon he is sick. He doesn’t have much time left. You may not believe me now but he said he became sober for you and me. He hoped that would help get us to forgive him. I already did but are you willing to before the man passes?”

“He doesn’t deserve it.”

The man sighed before taking the box on his desk and handing it back to Taeyeon, “Dad wanted you to have this at least. Even though he lost all his savings, he never sold this. Why do you think he didn’t sell it Taeyeon?”

Taeyeon looked down at the box thinking a bit before saying, “Fine. I will go meet him.”

 

 


Author's Note

Umm does this count as a double update? Well you got an update within 24 hours because I was reading your comments and most of you sounded desperate for another update. So here it is!

By the way, Have you readers been seeing Sica's photos for the new variety show she is going to be in for July??? Ahhh so cute!!

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!
Catsba
Dropped a short drabble on my twitter for this story. Yes, 5 years after it finished! I won't post on the story though :P

https://twitter.com/catsba1990/status/1255698932287639562

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
StarDream_
#1
Chapter 1: Just me casually coming back here to reread after rewatching snsd Onstyle. The OCD here and the home fairy Taeyeon on the show resonates so well. Time for me to sink into a taengsic masterpiece while jamming to snsd songs.
K_1807
#2
Chapter 39: Wow this fic is really amazing. What a roller coaster ride there. I really enjoyed reading this fic. Thank you so much for the story author nim <3
Mihyun101 #3
Wow i can’t believe I flooded the comments section here before lol
Rpr363
#4
Chapter 38: Ahh i will miss this story...light story but made me
addicted...i will miss Dr. kim and her patient "sooyeon"
Rpr363
#5
Chapter 30: Oh i really dont like tiff...and im sure that the accident was tiff plans...
Rpr363
#6
Chapter 28: Tae coma??car accident??is this accident related to tiff??why tiff ask sunny to put a camera at tae house?and how they can come in to tae house???sica will mad to them i guess
Rpr363
#7
Chapter 23: What suntiff planning of???they working together to take a revenge???but why??do sunny still like taeyeon???
Rpr363
#8
Chapter 19: Come on thor...why u bring tiffany back to her life after she really try hard to come out her comfort zone...T^T
Rpr363
#9
Chapter 17: Yaa taeyeon...why are you so cuteee like that???
Rpr363
#10
Chapter 16: Wow taeyeon...u made it...cross the line...good job girl...