It's Okay, You Have Me

My Disorder is You

Jessica placed both hands on the railing and took in the cool air, “Ah so pretty!”

Sunny had her arms crossed as she watched Jessica looking at the tranquility of the water below her, “I told you it was nice here.”

Jessica spun around in excitement, “It is. How did you find out about this place? I mean I didn’t even know a place like this existed.”

“It was actually Taeyeon who told me about it. Her dad used to be a fisherman so as a child she would come here and play.” Sunny started walking towards Jessica who was still near the railing.

“That is weird. Taeyeon said her father was in America...”

“He is. After leaving the fishing business, he became quite wealthy, but with that, Taeyeon’s family also lost the closeness they once had.”

Jessica remembered Taeyeon rarely going into details about her family, “Can you tell me more? Taeyeon never told me about her father only a bit about her mother.”

“I am not sure if I should be the one telling you all of this....”

Jessica pushed off the railing and started walking away slowly, “I understand. We don’t even know each other that well. I can see why you wouldn’t want to tell me something about Taeyeon.”

Sunny also left the railing to join Jessica, “Not that. It is just, this is Taeyeon’s story to tell.”

“I know. It is just...she is always a closed book and I just want to know everything about her.”

“Do you love her?” Jessica looked at Sunny shocked. However Sunny just started laughing, “there is nothing wrong with that. I was in love with Taeyeon too once.”

“Is that why you said that she was on bad terms with you?”

“Yea. Well I handled my love the wrong way causing the person I loved to get hurt along with me. You should make sure that nothing like that happens to you. Number one rule in love is make sure your beloved never gets hurt. I broke that rule.”

“Truth is...I am afraid that the fact with me being with the one I love, will hurt them. Yet, I know not being with them will also cause pain.”

“Looks like you are in a pickle.”

“I didn’t mean for it to become this way.” Jessica started rubbing her arms as the arm became slightly cooler.

Sunny looked at Jessica who was shivering slightly, “I think there is a small coffee shop over there if you want to go in and warm up a bit?”

Jessica smiled at her companion, “That sounds amazing right now.”

The two girls walked over to the coffee shop and ordered something warm to heat them up as the air outside was getting slightly too cold for the flimsy dresses they were wearing. “We have been talking about Taeyeon most of the time, but what about you Sunny?”

Sunny looked up at Jessica, “Nothing special about me really. I am always traveling for my job. I just go from one place to another.”

“Wow that sounds nice. I want to do more traveling. What was your favorite place to visit?”

Sunny thought for a while as she played with the mug in her hand, “I would have to say Egypt.”

Jessica opened in amazement, “Wow. Why did you go there?”

“I am working for a travel journal so I must go where the readers want to travel. That happened to be one of the places of interest after a new exhibit opened in the Cairo Museum.”

Jessica started to pout, “I wish I had your life. It sounds so extravagant.”

“I thought you said your parents were rich. Didn’t they take you on many vacations?”

“Really just the same places and for the most part to visit family.”

“Well you are still young so I am sure you will have plenty of opportunities to travel the world. You just need to find the right time to do it.” Jessica was thinking off into space that she didn’t notice that a glass of ice tea came towards her while the waiter next to her slipped. A short screech came from Jessica as the cold liquid went all over her dress. Sunny got up immediately with napkins in hand to help Jessica out, “Are you okay?”

Jessica looked down in her dress, “How can I go back to the wedding like this?”

Sunny gave a snicker, “It is okay. We can always buy a new one. We should go now so we can arrive for some of the reception.”
 

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Taeyeon’s eyes finally landed on a familiar person, “Sunny...and Jessica? But that wasn’t the dress she was wearing before...what were they doing?” Being stuck up near the bride, Taeyeon could leave her seat yet letting her mind wonder to strange ideas of why Sunny and Jessica arrived late together. Not to mention, Jessica wearing a new dress. She was about to go crazy with anticipation that she nearly leaped out of her chair after Sooyoung finished her father-daughter dance.

Jessica met Taeyeon halfway, “Hey Tae!”

Taeyeon looked at Jessica curiously, “Why did you show up with Sunny?”

Jessica looked back towards Sunny who was now talking to Tiffany, “We were just killing some time before the reception started.”

Taeyeon then pointed down at the dress, “Why the new dress and what do you mean by killing time?”

Jessica giggled, “Taeyeon are you jealous? You think I would do something with Sunny?”

Taeyeon turned her head to the side in embarrassment, “No no...you were just gone for half the reception and missed the meal.”

Jessica continued to smile as she saw the beautiful shyness from her girlfriend, “Come on Tae...lets go dance.”

Taeyeon was reluctant to go to the dance floor but Jessica pulled the unwilling girl along and locked her into place as her arms went around Taeyeon’s neck, “Just one dance Tae.”

Taeyeon sighed in defeat as she placed her arms around Jessica’s waist. The two started swaying to the music, “You still didn’t tell me about the dress.”

Jessica smiled as she looked into Taeyeon’s eyes, “Something spilled on it when we were gone. I bought a new one although I really liked that other dress.”

“Did Sunny buy it for you?”

“Yea. I didn’t have enough money on me at the time.”

Taeyeon held Jessica a bit tighter, “I will give Sunny the money. How much did it cost?”

Jessica giggled at Taeyeon, “How about you just treat us to a meal together next time.”

Taeyeon locked eyes with Jessica, “What? Why dinner?”

“Oh come on Tae, after tonight, we will see her again. She is your friend and she is no stranger to me now either.”

“You want to see her again?”

“Why not? She is really nice and one of your friends.”

Taeyeon pulled Jessica in as close as possible so she could lean into Jessica, “Why are you making my life so difficult?”
Boiling with happiness, Jessica couldn’t contain her smile, “Difficult? I just want you to meet friends.” Taeyeon stopped when she heard the song end however her face soon flushed after Jessica’s lips left her cheek, “Thank you.”

“May I cut in?” Jessica looked up to the person in front of her. She wanted to tell the woman ‘no’ but the woman ended up walking past Jessica towards Taeyeon anyway.

Taeyeon had no time to react as the woman locked Taeyeon into place as her arms went around her waist, “Just for a little bit.”
Taeyeon let out a heavy sigh as she rolled her eyes, “Tiffany let me go.”

“Just give me a little bit of your time.” Taeyeon hesitantly put her hands on Tiffany’s shoulders as she watched Jessica go to the table where Sunny was seated. “Are you happy to see Sunny back?”

Taeyeon looked at the girl in front of her, “Of course. She was our friend. I mean high school is long forgotten.”

“Yet you won’t give me a chance?”

“You don’t deserve a chance,” Taeyeon said with venom in her voice.

“So what Sunny to you can be forgiven so easily but what I did can’t? Why are you treating me different?”

“Because Sunny is different than you. She actually cares for me and is truthful. I understood why she did those things to me and I understood her sincerity when she asked for forgiveness but you...you don’t know what remorse is.” Taeyeon finally released herself from Tiffany’s hold and went towards Jessica.

Jessica was happily eating a piece of cake but was interrupted when a hand found hers and lifted her up, “We are leaving.”

Jessica was a bit scared with the anger that filled Taeyeon’s voice, “But the reception just started?”
Taeyeon looked at Jessica sternly, “Fine. You can stay but I am leaving.”

Jessica panicked as she saw Taeyeon storming towards the exit. She didn’t want to let the girl leave in a heap of unknown anger so she ran after the older woman. “Taeyeon wait!” Jessica caught up with Taeyeon before she left the building, “Taeyeon just calm down enough to tell me what is wrong?” Taeyeon balled up her fists and closed her eyes as she tried to calmly face Jessica, but her eyes opened immediately when she felt warm lips on her forehead. She looked at the worried but yet stunningly beautiful girl in front of her, “Just tell me what is wrong...please.”

Taeyeon released the tight grip of her hands and started to look at Jessica calmly, “I just want to leave.”

“How about we go out and take a small walk? You always told me the cool weather could put out the flames of any anger we are holding in.”

Taeyeon took Jessica’s hand as they made their way out, “Oh? So you were actually listening in my sessions? I thought you were just playing games the whole time.”

Jessica squeezed Taeyeon’s hand, “My screen was off. I listened to you the whole time.” They walked a bit further, “So do you want to tell me what happened in there?”

“Tiffany...”

“I figured as much because you were calm before dancing with her.”

“Yea...I was. She asked for forgiveness.”

Jessica was a bit shocked hearing that Tiffany wanted that from Taeyeon, “What did you say?”

“Nothing nice. I told her she doesn’t deserve it.”

Jessica was smiling internally like she also won a small victory against the evil girl, “So you don’t ever plan on forgiving her then?”

“Nope.”

“What bothers you the most about her?” Taeyeon was getting a bit tired walking in her heals so she led Jessica to a ledge to sit on, but was once again hesitant to sit. Jessica quickly sat down and patted on her lap, “I am still pretty clean.”

Taeyeon smiled before she sat on Jessica and leaned into the warmth that the girl emitted, “I just feel like she is still lying to me. Like she says one thing, but wants the opposite.”

Jessica held Taeyeon tightly, “She really hurt you bad.”

“She reminds me of my father.”

Jessica’s ears perked up with the mention of Taeyeon’s father, “Your father?”

Taeyeon looked down at Jessica’s hand and started to play with it, “Humm yea. They are so similar to me. I remember my father saying he loved my mother so much that he would sacrifice anything for her but those were just lies. He chose money over me and my mother.”

Jessica remembered the talk with Sunny and how she said the family dynamics changed after Taeyeon’s father left the fishing industry, “Money?”

Taeyeon squeezed Jessica’s hand tightly, “Yea. Money. My family used to be not very wealthy but we were happy with what we had. Then my father chose to leave that life so we could live more extravagantly and so my mother would stop having to work long hours in the hospital. Yet that ambition took him away from us and led him into drinking. He had a big break and we entered the lifestyle of the rich. That is why Sooyoung and I ended up going to the same high school. However, my father never stopped and his greed increased. Also his abusive behavior increased with repeated episodes of coming home drunk. My mother had enough and we ended up leaving him but fate would be so cruel as to send me back to him after my mother passed.  I had to live under his abuse until I was able to run away with going to university.”

Jessica was sitting in shock with the dark past Taeyeon had, “So it was your father you made you want to become a psychiatrist?”

“Basically. I didn’t want any other families to suffer like mine did due to things like that.”

Jessica held Taeyeon a bit tighter, “How is your father now?”

“He left to the states to get help and I haven’t talked to him since.”

“How long?”

“6 years. I haven’t heard from him for 6 years.”

“Has he tried to contact you?”

“After I moved, I haven’t received his letters.”

Jessica kissed the side of Taeyeon’s head, “I am sorry you had to go through that.”

“I think everyone has a story. There is no one to say what we have to endure in life, but it is our choice to continue to live that way.”

“I love that you are very wise Tae but you need to listen to your own advice more often.”

Taeyeon looked into Jessica’s eyes, “Am I hypocrite too?”

Jessica gave Taeyeon a gentle smile while she rubbed her back softly, “No. You are just a bit lost, but we promised to find our way together.”

 

 

 


Author's Note

Ah I know I am skipping around on my updates lately but this one was nearing 100 subscribers and I wanted to give my readers a thank you! Thank your for your interest in the story!

Also, I have a story reaching 500 subscribers so that will be the next update. As for the other fanfics, I will update those soon too.

Hope to see some more comments!

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Thank you!
Catsba
Dropped a short drabble on my twitter for this story. Yes, 5 years after it finished! I won't post on the story though :P

https://twitter.com/catsba1990/status/1255698932287639562

Comments

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StarDream_
#1
Chapter 1: Just me casually coming back here to reread after rewatching snsd Onstyle. The OCD here and the home fairy Taeyeon on the show resonates so well. Time for me to sink into a taengsic masterpiece while jamming to snsd songs.
K_1807
#2
Chapter 39: Wow this fic is really amazing. What a roller coaster ride there. I really enjoyed reading this fic. Thank you so much for the story author nim <3
Mihyun101 #3
Wow i can’t believe I flooded the comments section here before lol
Rpr363
#4
Chapter 38: Ahh i will miss this story...light story but made me
addicted...i will miss Dr. kim and her patient "sooyeon"
Rpr363
#5
Chapter 30: Oh i really dont like tiff...and im sure that the accident was tiff plans...
Rpr363
#6
Chapter 28: Tae coma??car accident??is this accident related to tiff??why tiff ask sunny to put a camera at tae house?and how they can come in to tae house???sica will mad to them i guess
Rpr363
#7
Chapter 23: What suntiff planning of???they working together to take a revenge???but why??do sunny still like taeyeon???
Rpr363
#8
Chapter 19: Come on thor...why u bring tiffany back to her life after she really try hard to come out her comfort zone...T^T
Rpr363
#9
Chapter 17: Yaa taeyeon...why are you so cuteee like that???
Rpr363
#10
Chapter 16: Wow taeyeon...u made it...cross the line...good job girl...