Chapter 58

"Dad?"

The man gave him a disbelieving once-over.
"Kyungsoo? Do Kyungsoo?"
"Yes. Yes, it's me."
Kyungsoo fell into the man's arms when he was suddenly held at arm's length.
"Kid... You better come inside."

"So... You're not my dad?"
Kyungsoo and Kris was sitting on the man's couch as he brought a tray with tea and cookies.
"I'm not."
"Then if you don't mind me asking... Who the hell are you and why do you know my name?"
The man sat down across from them, letting out a sigh.
"I am your father's friend and publisher. Well. I was."
"Was? Where is he?"
"... Heaven? I presume?"
A frown found way to Kyungsoo's face. Heaven?
"Wait. You're saying he's..."
"I'm sorry kid. But yes. Your daddy is dead."
In a second Kyungsoo's hand was embraced in the warmth of Kris's hand.
"When?... How?"
"I think you should ask your mom instead."
"She knew?"
"... Yes."
The man stood up, walking towards a bookcase.
"How come you live here if this is... was my dad's house?"
"Because your daddy was important to me. This house, holds so many memories that I can't seem to let go of. I work at a book company. It was me who made him publish his series, 'The Adventures of D.O.' I even illustrated some of his work. Here."
The man handed Kyungsoo an envelope.
"Your daddy told me to give you this, should you ever come looking for him."
Hesitating, Kyungsoo accepted it, turning it over in his hands.
"Thanks. We should go."
Kyungsoo rose from the couch, heading straight for the door.
"He loved you. So much."
"Yeah well. He really had a crap way of showing it."
With that he left out the door, never looking back.

"I'm sorry about your father."
They hadn't said a word to each other for almost half an hour now. The silence had become too much for Kris as they exited the train taking them to Kyungsoo's mothers neighborhood. He had half expected Kyungsoo to tell him not to come but his friend had done nothing to insinuate him wanting to be alone.
"You probably want to talk to your mom alone, so I'm just gonna walk you there and go back to the apart..."
"I need you."
Kyungsoo kept staring straight ahead.
"If you leave me, I know I'm going to run away again. I can't do this without you."
Kris's heart sank at the sight of the yet again broken man beside him. He took his hand, squeezing it tight.
"I'll be right here."
 

"Kyungsoo? Kris? Aaw. You look adorable together. The height difference? Love it."
"I went to see dad."
His mother's smile disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.
"Oh. How..."
"Dad is dead? And you knew? Why didn't you tell me? If you hadn't noticed, I had a few issues growing up."
"I couldn't. "
"Why?"
Kyungsoo's hand was clambering so tightly around Kris's it hurt. Kris didn't care.
"He didn't want me to. I know you had a hard time growing up but when Krystal came around I thought... She made you better. Then you broke up and you broke again. I was ready to tell you then, when I left that message for you."
"Why didn't you tell me Saturday then?"
"Because of Kris."
What? The both of them were staring at him. Needless to say it made him feel uncomfortable.
"Meeting Kris made me believe I didn't have to break my promise to your dad."
"I don't understand? What does Kris has to do with anything?"
"I thought he could take Krystal's place. Not necessarily as... you know... but as a close friend. You seem so happy Kyungsoo, talking about Kris but also so confused."
"And this involves dad because?"
"Please sit down."
"I much prefer standing."
"Sit! Kyungsoo."
Kris put a hand on the small of his friend's back, guiding him towards the couch.
"The year you turned 5, your dad was diagnosed with leukemia. He... He didn't want for you to... He wanted you to remember him as he was. Healthy, happy, your hero. And so he left us. He was so crushed to do it. He wanted so bad to see you grow up, so I convinced him to stay in contact. He had been given maybe a year but a year turned to two which turned to another and another. For 10 years I sent him pictures, notes, videos of you playing the piano, until one day I got the call saying he had passed."
Kyungsoo's mother dried her eyes.
" The man you met was his best friend. He stayed with him throughout the rest of your dad's life, taking care of him. Your father was bedridden and he stayed by his side when I... Couldn't. I know I should have told you. I know. But believe me. Your memories of him are so much greater than what he turned into in the end. "
Kyungsoo bit his lip.
"That may be. But I should at least have had the choice. He lived on for 10 years? What does it matter that he was sick? He was still my dad. I would've wanted to be there with him, till the end."
"You were, Kyungsoo. You were the only thing on his mind. Why do you think he kept writing 'The Adventures of D.O.' when he was too sick to even sit up? You had 5 years with him. 5 short but wonderful years of happiness and bedtime stories. If he had stayed, those years would have been tainted with nothing but hospital visits and sickness.
I promised him, my husband, the love of my life, as his dying wish before he left, that I wouldn't tell you anything. That he'd rather you hate him than for you to see him crumble to nothing. What was I supposed to do? Should I have denied his last request and banned him from going? You tell me what I should have done."
Kris grabbed Kyungsoo's shoulder. He didn't know what else to do. There was no way he could even begin to fathom what Kyungsoo and his mother had been through. He somehow admired Kyungsoo's father for leaving but seeing the small family all torn up made him doubt his choice.

"He must have been so lonely."
Kyungsoo hunched over, staring at his knees.
"I would've taken the sorrow. I'd much prefer the pain of watching him die loved than him dying in the belief that I hate him. That I forgot about him."
Kyungsoo's mother took her son's hand, moving her thumb over the soft skin.
"He died happy. I told him about Krystal, how you were finally opening up your heart. The only regret he had, was that he wouldn't be there to see you happily wed the girl you love. But I'm sure that when that day comes, I know he'll be there, front-row first, crying tears of happiness."
"Mom. Can I get a moment alone?"
"Sure honey."
 

Kyungsoo got off the couch, walking towards his old room.
His head was spinning, his chest felt constricted. He felt sick as he opened his bedroom door throwing himself on the bed. He wanted to cry but there were just too much information going around in his head.
Sighing he fished out the envelope from his back pocket. Lifting it over his head he just looked at his name gracing the front. Slowly he turned it around, carefully opening the letter.

First sentence and Kyungsoo let his tears fall.
 

'I love you, Kyungsoo.

I wish you hadn't come looking for me but now that you have, there is nothing I want more but to tell you how much I love you, son.

When I was diagnosed with leukemia, I was heartbroken. Not because I were to die. No. I was so sad to know that my two greatest loves were to see the man they loved wither like the fallen leaves. I didn't want for you to feel burdened or sit at my bedside which I know you would've done. I wanted for you to live your life worry free, in no way held back by a human shell trapped in a hospital bed.
I do not regret my decision and I know it was selfish of me, yet I hope that you someday will understand, maybe even forgive me for leaving you so soon.

I wish for your life to be filled with love, son.
I wish for it to be enriched with friends, family and pure happiness.
I wish I could see it happen. 
But I've already lived for far too long, although knowing that you have found love, I think I can die happy now.
I think it's time to let go of you and your mom.

The night I left. The night I told you the last bedtime story, you asked me if I knew where the trees disappeared off to.
I still don't know.
What I do know is  that my hourglass is finally reaching the last grain of sand and I am to be no more.
Do not mourn my passing Kyungsoo, just let it be.

Take good care of your mom for me. I know you will.
I love you both more than anything in this world.
And I will never stop.

Love,
         Dad.'

 

Kyungsoo clutched the letter to his chest, closing his eyes.
He allowed himself to feel, everything.
He embraced the hurt.
He welcomed the love.
But most of all, he let go of his anger.
Quickly he dried his eyes, almost running downstairs again.
He found his mother and Kris where he had left them in the living-room, hugging his mother tight.

"Where is he buried?"
 

"You sure you don't want me to leave?"
Kyungsoo stood at the foot of his father's grave with Kris fidgeting a few steps behind him.
"Dad. I'd like for you to meet my friend, Kris."
Kyungsoo reached out for Kris's hand and pulled him towards himself.
The tall man awkwardly cleared his voice before bowing before the tombstone.
"Hello, Mr. Do. I am Kris Yi Fan. It's very nice to meet you."
It was hard not to smile at Kris's politeness so that's exactly what Kyungsoo did when the first snowflake fell from the skies.
"We should probably go, Kyungsoo."
"Yeah. I'll catch up in a minute?"
His hand received a last reassuring squeeze before his friend turned to leave.
He put his hand on the cold stone, sighing.
"I love you too. Dad."
He leaned his head back, taking in the glimmering frost particles dancing in the air. He let his lips form a heart, smiling to the heavens.
"I hope your wish will come true."
Taking one last breath, Kyungsoo leaned down to kiss the headstone.
"Goodbye dad..."
 

Kyungsoo caught up to Kris who was patiently waiting outside the graveyard.
"Are you okay?"
"For the first time in... Too long, I can honestly say I am."
The blond man smiled at him as he nodded towards a street-vendor selling fish-cakes.
"Hungry?"
"Starving. But I had something else in mind."
Kyungsoo smirked before he gingerly took Kris's hand once again, leading him down the road.

  
"Kimchi jjigae?!"
"The only thing my mom makes that's better than mine."
"Yah! Do Kyungsoo!"
Kris let out a laugh as Kyungsoo's mother gingerly slapped the back of her son's head. His friend had taken him back to his mother's house for lunch, much to Kris's joy. He really liked Mrs. Do and now that the little family was speaking again, sitting around their kitchen table... It almost felt like home. His own mother he hadn't seen in so long. He missed her so much but being with the Dos' took away most of his home sickness.
" By the way. Mom, I was sort of forced into inviting Kris to spend Christmas with us. I hope that's okay."
"Of course it is! You're not going home?"
"I can't..."
"Aaw honey." Thin arms were wrapped around his head before Kris had the chance to block them.
"Erh... It's okay. But thank you for letting me join you."
"Anytime, dearest. In fact, you two are staying here tonight. We'll watch a movie, eat some popcorn and drink hot chocolate. And no protests Do Kyungsoo, or I will ground you." 
"I don't live here!"
"That is not my problem. Right now you are under my roof which means I have the power to trap you here for the next 18 hours. Those rules apply to you too Kris."

There was really no point in fighting the tiny Korean lady, Kris knew as much.

For the rest of the day, Kyungsoo's mother held a 'let's embarrass my son as much as possible' session by showing squishy baby photo after cute 'n baby photo. She also forced her son into playing the piano and after a lot of bickering between the Dos, Kyungsoo grumbling sat down and started playing what Kris could only describe as magical. This was the first time he had ever heard him play. Kris knew that he was good. If he hadn't been, how could he have gotten that solo or whatnot? The musical notes tickling his ears made him want to dance and just sway along to the music. It also made his mind wander...
In black and white, Kris imagined Kyungsoo in a bar in the 1940's. He was wearing a white wrinkled shirt tugged into navy slacks. The first three buttons were undone while dark grey blouse garters adorned his elbows. A grey fedora hid his black curls and hanging loosely in the corner of his mouth was a cigarette. Sitting in front of an old dusty piano with a glass of scotch on the rocks resting on top, Kyungsoo played his heart out while the jazz band in the back followed his lead.
There in front of the stage, Kris was sitting with an untouched glass of bourbon, watching the beautiful display. He took in the swift movements of the pianist's skillful fingers moving across the ivories. The devoted expression gracing the man's beautiful face. The way he lived every note. How he made the music come alive with such deep emotion.
Kris downed his drink in one go, enjoying the bitter taste before he stood up, heading straight for the stage. He stood for a moment drinking in everything before him as he reached his hand out, taking the bud out of Kyungsoo's mouth. He entered the small stage leaning against the piano, taking a long drag of the cigarette. Smoke rings exited  his lips. Kris turned towards the piano player, returning the smoke. He received a cheeky smirk along with a nod to join him by the piano. Gracefully, Kris took a seat next to the smaller man who leaned much closer than necessary. A soft hand slid down his thigh. It made Kris close his eyes. Once he opened them again everyone else was gone. It was only him, sitting alone on the stage by a worn-out piano. About to leave, Kris felt two strong hands on his shoulders.  Fingers massaged his sore muscles, making their way towards his neck. Two lips gently pressed against the side of his throat, tracing the delicate skin towards an earlobe. Teeth sunk into the sensitive flesh, making him gasp.
'Kris.'   
Mmm.

"Kris!"

Kris was dumped back into his own time and back to reality as Kyungsoo was worriedly staring him in the face.
"Hello? Earth to Kris? Are you in there?"
"Kyungsoo..."
"That would be me... Oh God. Kris... Are you.."
'You gotta be kidding me. Woodie alert!'  Desperate, Kris flung himself off the couch. Unfortunately he threw himself at the small man in front of him, both tumbling to the floor.
"If that is your pressing against my legs, I swear I'm going to call the police and charge you with ."
"Erh..."
"Kyungsoo honey, I was wondering if you wanted to eat samgyeop... sal. Am I interrupting something?"
"No!"
Before he knew, Kris was lying on his back, covering up his bulge.
"... I'll just give you two a second. And remember what I taught you Kyungie. Safe , no regrets.'
"MOM!"
The little lady returned to her kitchen, giggling. Kyungsoo now sat on the couch, looking pale.
"Well I feel violated."
Sheepishly Kris sat up on the ground, laughing nervously.
"So. Samgyeopsal... Yum."
Kyungsoo gave him a judging look before getting off the couch. Without a word he left the living room and entered the kitchen, leaving Kris by himself.

Luckily they quickly forgot about the awkward poking incident. They ate dinner in peace. Afterwards the two boys took care of the dishes. Kyungsoo washing and Kris drying. They didn't speak, they just enjoyed the comfortable silence. It was... Nice.
Later all three of them gathered on the couch wrapped up in a lot of blankets, hot cocoa clutched between their hands and a big bowl of popcorn passed between them. It wasn't long before Kyungsoo's mother fell asleep.
When the credits came rolling in, the two boys silently got off the couch. Kyungsoo turned off the TV before tugging in his mom and gently kissed her forehead.

"Come."
Together they entered Kyungsoo's room. There wasn't much. A bed, a small desk and a closet. It was clear to see that he hadn't lived there for a long while.
Kris's eyes were starting to feel very heavy, so he plunged himself onto the bed. Turning to lie on his back he put his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.
"So. The adventures of D.O... They're about you?"
"Pretty much." Kyungsoo took off his pants, folding them and put them on the desk chair.
"Can I read them?"
"I don't know. At the bookstore, didn't you say they were stupid?"
"I have no recollection of ever saying that. Please?"
"Fine. But don't laugh, okay?"
Kyungsoo walked towards the bed when he dropped to his knees. Carefully removing a loose wooden floor plank, Kyungsoo fished out maybe ten children's books.
"... Don't ask. I couldn't throw them out so... yeah."
"That. Is awesome! I make fake bottom drawers but your thing is so much cooler."
"Seriously?"
"Erh... No? That would be childish, right? Anyway. Give 'em here. Which one is your favorite?"
"Hmm...This one."
'Captain D.O. and the treasure of Coconut Island'. Kris carefully ran his hand over the cover. It depicted a small, round-faced kid with big eyes and a heart-shaped mouth. This really was Kyungsoo. Sniggering he shoved the book in his friend's face.
"Read it to me?"
Surprise was evident on Kyungsoo's face but it was quickly replaced with an un-amused stone face.
"No."
"Come on! I'm sure your dad would've wanted for me to hear it from his son's lips."
"... That's low. Even for you." The small man let out a sigh as he accepted the book. Kris on the other hand quickly scooted down under the covers, filled with anticipation.

"Land ahoy!"

Kris could not stop smiling.
Kyungsoo was telling the story with such devotion. He made different voices for the characters, made lots and lots of hand gestures. He even put away the book, jumped on top of the bed and acted out the sword fight between Captain D.O. and the traitor Buccaneer Boris. He ran around his bedroom, fencing against thin air with make-believe swords. In the end Boris took a blow to the chest, with Kyungsoo acting out every last breath of the fictional buccaneers life. He clutched his chest, falling onto the bed while reaching for the skies with his right hand. Gasping for air, he stammered out 'Why... D.O. Why are you so... Awesome?' before passing out.
"That is not in the book."
"Shh. I'm dead."

Later in the night when they lay side by side, Kris could feel the bed vibrating.
"Are you cold?"
"... Maybe."
Hesitating for a while, Kris finally took courage to snuggle closer to the freezing man. His feet really were ice cold, so Kris covered the icicles with his own feet, rubbing them warm.
"Thanks, Kris. I really am hopeless without you, aren't I?"
"You're not."
"I wish I could believe that... Sweet dreams Kris."
"Sweet dreams."
Letting his hand move up and down Kyungsoo's back, Kris drifted off to sleep.

All the while dreaming of  pirates, cigarette smoke and heated touches.




A/N

Bit of a long chapter and a few unnecessary sidetracks but here you have it :D
I really feel like slapping myself for putting Kyungsoo through all this but what you gonna do? (and I'm not done btw)
Also in the beginning I wanted the dad's letter to be in the form of another book with the friends illustrations but I really cant draw so that failed :/
anyway I hope you like it :D