Chapter 44

'You have 10 new messages. Pres 1 to...'

It was Saturday morning. Kyungsoo had tried his best to ignore every message, every call, every form of approach by Baekhyun the last couple of days. He wasn't ready to face him. He didn't think he'd ever be able to. He had kissed one of his best friends. He had touched him, wanted Baekhyun to touch him as well. But it was so wrong! He wasn't attracted to men and he wasn't in love with him so why had it been so damn difficult to stop? Baekhyun had been different from Krystal, obviously. But there was something different in the way the male had touched him. Krystal had always let him take the lead, never doing much. Too hesitant to feel his body. Baekhyun hadn't been like that at all. He hadn't been timid with his wants and afraid to explore his body.

Kyungsoo had now been with a fair share of women but all it had been was , pure instinctual that usually involved Kyungsoo facing them away from him. Baekhyun had been passionate but the moment he had slowed down his movements, he had allowed Kyungsoo a break to think. It had been too much like... Making love. And he had only done that with one person.

He sighed to himself. He was just going to delete his voice messages. That was it. Right?

'...10 new messages.'

Maybe he should just listen to a few... maybe something important had happened and it was dire for him to listen to the messages. Yeah, that sounded about right.

'Message no. 1'

                      "... Hi. Kyungsoo... Your stuff is gone but of course you already knew that...

                      Listen, we  need to talk about what happened. But please don't feel bad about it.

                      It was my fault, I forced you into... I' m really sorry."  

'Message no. 2'

                      "Kyungie! It's your best friend Pick up! Pick, pick, pick, pick up! Aish, why weren't                     

                       you at lunch? Baekhyun seemed really upset about something but he wouldn't tell me      

                       anything. Anyway, call me back!"

'Message no. 3'

                      "It's Baekhyun... Where are you? Please don't ignore me..."
 

'Message no. 4'

                      "Hi. It's me, again... is it weird I can't fall asleep without you? It probably is...

                       It's been two days and I miss you. I missed you yesterday as well...

                       Kyungsoo, talk to me. I beg  of you. Just call me. Please."

'Message no. 5'

                      "Still, haven't heard from you? Kyungsoo, I'm your friend. I just wanted to help     

                        you..."

'Message no. 6'

                      "I don't believe this. You said that I was going to leave you but the way I see it, you're

                       the one abandoning our friendship. You're the one leaving me. Kyungsoo, I'm so               

                       sorry. Don't pretend I don't exist. Kyungsoo... Pick up the phone. PICK UP THE PHONE!

                        PICK UP THE..."

'Message no. 7'

                      "... Kyungsoo honey? It's your... your mom, if you can still call me that... I miss you...

                      I miss my little boy. Come home dear. There's something I have to tell you.

                      Something that might help you... I love you so much and I am so, so sorry I...

                       Just come home. Please."

'Message no. 8

Message deleted.'

'Message n...

Message deleted'

'Messa...

Message deleted.

You have no new messages'

Tears were silently making their way down Kyungsoo's cheeks. This was the first time he had heard his mother's voice in what felt like a very long time. Of course he missed her and to tell the truth, he wanted nothing more than to run to her right now, hug her and tell her how sorry he was, for everything. But he was scared. Afraid to face her, afraid to see Baekhyun, Jongin. Why was he such a coward?

There was a knock on his door and without waiting for a 'come in' his roommate barged through the door with a way too happy smile on his face.

"Morning roomie! Guess what? I made pancakes for breakfa... Are you okay?"

Kyungsoo quickly dried away his tears, preparing a fake smile but nothing came. He didn't have the energy or the willpower to pretend he was okay. And for the first time he answered truthfully.

"No. I'm not."   

He let his bottled up feelings take over, allowing himself to cry. Allowing himself to be vulnerable and weak. He allowed himself to hurt.

Before he knew it, he was trapped between strong bear arms, rocking him back and forth like a child. He felt safe in the confines of Kris's embrace. How was that possible? They had only known each other for a little while and here they were. The tall stranger from the plane, whom he never thought he was going to see again, was now sitting on his bed, in their shared apartment, comforting him like it was the most normal thing to do in the world. It was both fascinating and a little terrifying.

"My... my mom..."
"Shh. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, okay?"
"...I want to."

Was Kyungsoo actually going to open up to him? Kris couldn't believe it. Sure the gloomy mood did put quite a damper on it but Kris was honestly happy about consoling Kyungsoo. 

"I haven't spoken to my mom since late August. We had a fallout of a sort."

"What happened?"

The soft-skinned man in his arms sighed deeply before releasing himself from Kris's hold to lie down on the bed.

"You know. You haven't asked me why I left you in Hongdae. Aren't you curious? Why did I call you Krystal?"
"I didn't think it was in my place to ask you such a personal question..."

"No. Krystal... was my girlfriend. Of five years. I thought she was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with only... she didn't feel the same."

There was a long pause before Kyungsoo went on.

"I was going to propose to her in Canada. Never got that far though."

"Where?"
"Canada. I just said that."
"No, where were you going to propose?"

The man shot him a confused look.

"Erh... VanDusen Botanical Park?"
"How?"

"What?"
"How were you gonna propose?"
"Why? What has that to do with anything?"

"Nothing, just tell me."
"Okay erhm... Dinner at Araxi..."
"Uuh big spender. Go on."
"... Right  erh, dinner at Araxi, then a small ride to the botanical garden where the Korean pavilion would be lit with candles and..."Kyungsoo huffed an embarrassed breath of air.

"And a song I had written for her. No big deal."
"Dude, a proposal in the VanDusen Botanical Garden? In August? Heck no. You should have waited until Christmas. I tell you that place is magical with all those colorful lights illuminating the night sky."
"No way. My proposal would've been perfect."

"Kyungsoo. I've seen pretty much every Korean drama out there and your proposal," Kris shook his head.

"It's not sappy enough."

"Oh yeah? How would you have done it?"

"Well my friend,  our minds are quite alike. Of course I do have more than just one scenario. It would definitely depend on the groom. BRIDE! Bride. Why do I keep doing that? It depends on the bride."

Kyungsoo deadpanned but Kris didn't care. He had planned how to propose many times, never with Kim in mind though. Huh. Weird.

"It should be something spectacular. Something impossible to refuse. Like a thousand lit torches leading down a solemn path that would end in a heart-shaped ring of fire! In there a small string quartet would be playing God Father's theme 'Speak softly love'."

"That sounds like a horrible proposal."

"Then I would present her with her favorite flower, and in that flower a giant diamond ring would be resting."
"What if her favorite flower is a daisy or a pansy?"
"It's a rose. Then I would drop to my knee, carve her name in my chest right in front of her. I would then tell her that now she was a part of me and that I will never let her go. In that moment a cage containing a butterfly for everyday we've known each other, will be opened and trap us in a whirlwind of small fluttering creatures. How do you say no to that?"
A deep silence filled the room as they stared each other down.

"You're an idiot. That was the creepiest proposal I've ever heard."
"Still better than yours."
"... What were we talking about?"
"Your tacky proposal? And seriously, I realize you liked the girl but Krystal? Really? Krystal? What did you date, a stripper?"

"... Okay. I'm gonna go eat pancakes before I tear your abnormally large head off. Whirlwind of butterflies, yeah good luck pulling that off."

Kris heaved a sigh of relief. The certain scenario he had come up with was crazy, he knew that. It was as far from reality as it could get. It's just, as much as he wanted Kyungsoo to confide in him, Kris realized he wasn't ready for Kyungsoo to open up like that. He wasn't ready to hear about the stripper ex-girlfriend, Kyungsoo had been planning to marry. He wasn't ready to know about his ghosts. Deep down, he was afraid to know how Kyungsoo, a guy he hardly knew, went from being hetero to... not, because of him. That was quite the burden to bear. What if...  Oh my God. What if Kyungsoo was in love with him?! That was a conversation he was definitely going to avoid. He didn't want to hurt the man. No sir. Kyungsoo was amazing. Sweet, kind and funny. Not to mention incredibly cute and handsome. Anything you could ever want in a boyfriend. GIRLFRIEND! Kris shook his head until his brain was close to falling out.

He was not prepared to a confession from Kyungsoo but he might be able to help some other way. He'd said something about his mother and him having a falling out. Yeah maybe he could be of help with that. Quickly, Kris went through Kyungsoo's contacts and forwarded his mothers phone number to his own phone.

'I can't believe it. Carve his name on his chest, pfff. The girl would've married him out of fear not out of love. Seriously, that man has issues. Uh Pancakes! What were we talking about again?'

Kyungsoo had completely forgotten how the subject had landed on Kris's ludicrous proposal of fire and butterflies. All he knew right know was that he was hungry and the pancakes looked delicious. All that was missing was a Red bull or two to go with them.

He was dreading the tiniest bit at the thought of going to work today but he had called in sick since Sunday. It was time to face Jongin. Or it wasn't but he couldn't afford getting fired and now that he had crazy rent to pay, he needed all the hours he could get.

Kyungsoo was in the middle of eating his fourth pancake when Kris joined him on the couch.

"So what are you gonna do today?" Kris shoveled some pancakes onto his plate and drowned them in syrup and butter.

"I have work. You?"

"I'm going out for a beer with a friend."
"TCA?"

"Nope. Joonmyun. His name is Joonmyun."
"Aah the 'incessant buzzing' guy."
Kyungsoo tried not to roll his eyes as he recalled showing Kris the numerous unread messages clogging up his inbox.

"Yeah. He's really nice though. Who do you think sent us the table?"

Right, the sofa table. With their initials. Covering the entire thing. Kyungsoo had felt bad about ruining it but for some reason he kind of liked the scratches. Even though he covered up the K+K whenever he could, with whatever he could. Today it was hidden beneath an old rag with a few prints. He really needed to buy a tablecloth.

"Anyway, don't wait up for me."
"Like I would've done that anyway... Have fun."

Okay. First of all. Kyungsoo was not worried about this Joonmyun and Kris going out for a drink. That's what friends did. Hung out. Got drunk. Which was fine. No what bothered him was that Kris wasn't inviting Kyungsoo to join them. Sure, he had only been in Kris's life for a little while but during the short time, Kris had always been almost too eager to be with him and now all of a sudden he'd rather go for a beer with 'Studying Joonmyun the Bore?'  

"We will. Trust me."

"Great."

Suddenly Kyungsoo felt like calling in sick again.

And definitely not to make sure Kris didn't do anything stupid tonight.



A/N
Kris is an expert at deflecting :b This was written pretty quickly so not sure if it all makes sense. Anyway enjoy :D