Haunting Feeling

Remembering Myself

"Junhong? Why does Junri call you Zelo?" 16 year-old Dahee asked. She was a year older than Junri, making her two years older than Zelo. But that didn't stop her from forming feelings for the younger boy.

"It's silly. You don't have to know." Zelo waved it away.

"Please?" Dahee pouted. "I want to know!"

Zelo sighed. "Because I want to become a rapper. And I use Zelo as a stage name. Noona doesn't call me Zelo much, though... But Henry hyung does." Dahee hummed. "What are your dreams, noona?"

"I always wanted to become a K-pop idol." She smiled at him. "That's why I always sing whenever I can and dance when I have time in my room. But it's a far goal... I don't think companies would accept me because I came from a poor family. And I think being not attractive is a huge bump on the road too." She chuckled.

Zelo shook his head. "No! You have all the characteristics of an idol! Talented, Charismatic and Pretty!"

Dahee's eyes widened. "You... You think I'm pretty?"

Zelo reddened and looked away. "I-I... Yes?"

Dahee chuckled. "Thanks."

"But noona? Can you please try to audition or something? Please? I know you can do it."

"I'll try, Zelo. For you."

 

Zelo sat up on his bed and drank the cup of water by his bed-side table.

“It was all for you.”

Henry's words rang at the back of his mind.

He was aware the older had feelings for Dahee. That's what made him reluctant to continue talking to her, because he thought he didn't have a chance. Him being younger than her and all... And when Dahee told him that they shouldn't continue talking because she formed feelings for Henry, it broke him.

Shattered him into a million pieces, because he really thought they felt the same way for each other. He was only 16 that time, and her 18.

*That must be around when she got diagnosed...* Zelo thought. *But... She didn't have to do that for me! I could have done something!*

Like what? Take her to hospitals just to let her expectations of her being cured fall repetitively?

He shut his eyes. No matter what the situation, the logical side of him would always weigh heavier than his hopes.

*I... I couldn't have saved her... But the least I could have done was to stay beside her.* He defeatedly admitted. He thought of Henry, and he felt guilt rise up inside him. *It wasn't his fault... I shouldn't have lashed out on him. He was just doing a favor anyway.* He sighed and opened his curtains. *What time is it?*

It was already bright out.

*8 Am... No classes until next week... Teachers have a Retreat...* He read off of a stick-note he put over his alarm clock. He sighed and went downstairs. He passed by Junri's open door, and noticed no one was inside. *Maybe she's already downstairs...* He thought. Though it was weird because she would usually sleep in until someone would wake her up.

"Excuse me? Chisoo hyung? Where's Junri noona?" Zelo asked the butler who was preparing the table.

"Ah. Junhong... She's... out." Chisoo reluctantly said, making Zelo furrow his eyebrows. The butler sighed. "She went out earlier. She wouldn't tell me why. But she did tell me that you shouldn't worry about her and she'll be back later."

Zelo nodded. "Oh. Thanks hyung. But... did she ask you to drive her?"

"No." Chisoo shook his head. "She... went with someone."

Zelo chocked on the orange juice. "What?! Who?!"

Chisoo sighed. *Sorry, Junri.* "Daehyun ssi and Xiumin ssi."

*What? Those two? I didn't even know they were friends! What a weird combination...* Zelo thought. "Oh. That's fine then." He said and calmed down. "Thanks for the food, hyung. You can take the rest of the day off if you want. I'll just be here anyway."

Chisoo bowed. "Thankyou, sir. But I'll only be out for groceries." He said and left Zelo alone in the big dining hall.

*Daehyun hyung and Xiumin hyung... What are those two up to?* The idea of even putting their names together was odd for him. He had never seen them interact much before.

 

"Now Zelo would be suspicious of us." Daehyun shot the others a look. "Yeah." Xiumin pouted in agreement.

"He won't." Luhan waved it away. "You too are too odd of a couple for him to decipher anyway. Just like... Just like Chen and Himchan." He shrugged and the said two looked at each other. "Come on. Junri asked us to do this for her. Can you really say no?"

Daehyun and Xiumin shook their heads.

"Where are we heading, anyway?" Tao asked, looking around the street they were in. "I don't think I've been here before. This place has so many stores..."

"We're in a shopping district. Not much people are here except exceptionally rich people. To buy things, you'll have to have a membership card. But I have one and you guys have one too, right?" Kris asked B.A.P who nodded. "We're going to buy something for Zelo, I think..."

"Why do we have to be here then?" Chen asked. "No offence, but he hates Lay. Which means, he generally hates all of us."

"I think Junri wants them to at least be nice to each other." Kris answered. "That's why she's making Lay choose right now." He nodded at the front of their group, where Junri was pulling Lay outside of shops to look for gifts. "It's a plan, I guess."

"A not really good one." Youngjae sighed.

"Why? Jealous?" Daehyun teased. Youngjae shook his head. "No. Not really."

Luhan looked at Youngjae. *He likes her, still. I thought he had moved on because he stopped interfering.* He thought.

"Maybe we should split into two?" Luhan suggested. "BUT-" He added, before Tao could pull Kris. "One EXO M member and one B.A.P member per pair." He grinned at them.

"What? Why? What's the point of that?" Chen made a confused face.

"Hmm... It will be awefully nice to see you guys interact. It will be nice for us to get acquainted with each other. And besides, you guys don't have membership cards so you won't be able to buy anything with at least one of us." Yongguk smirked. "Come on, Kris." He patted Kris's back and the two went off.

"Nooooooooooooo! Ge was supposed to buy me Gucci!" Tao wailed.

"You were supposed to buy me Iced Coffee!" Himchan complained

"I'm taking Youngjae!" Luhan pulled Youngjae before the latter could even blink.

"What? Hey!" Daehyun pouted.

"I'll take you." Xiumin politely smiled at him. Daehyun's eyes widened and smiled back. "Thanks."

Only Chen, Tao, Jongup and Himchan were left.

"How are we going to do this?" Jongup asked.

Chen thought for a while, and no way was he going to buy Himchan a drink. "Come on, Jongup ssi. I'll go with you." He smiled at the younger and put a hand on his shoulder, leading him away.

An awkward silence passed between the two as they stared at each other.

"Wanna annoy Kris and Yongguk?" Himchan suggested with a smile. Tao smiled back and nodded eagerly. Maybe the two of them had something in common after all...

"BANG YONGGUK!" "GE!"

Yongguk and Kris looked at each other.

"Do you have extra money right now?" Kris asked, Yongguk shook his head. "Let's run."

"Where the heck do you two think you're going?!" Himchan yelled.

 

"This one? Or that one?" Junri asked Lay. "Come on! Just choose a gift!"

Lay sighed. "I don't understand why you're doing this, Junri..." He said. "I don't think Zelo would forgive me easily for everything I did to you. Why are you trying to make him forgive me anyway?" He asked. Junri let go of his wrist and looked at him. "I don't want him to regret again."

Lay made a confused face. "About who? Me?"

"Yes, you." Junri smiled at him. "Last night, I knew he couldn't sleep. He was so guilty for blaming everything on Henry. I should be the one mad at Henry, right? But now, I don't really feel anger. Or anything."

"Because you forgot, Junri." Lay sighed. "It's why you can talk to me now. You forgot every emotion you had for me." *Including love.*

"That's not true. From what I remember, you're my friend." Junri said. She didn't know, that from those words, his heart shattered. "And I want my brother to forgive a friend."

"It's different, Junri. Henry hyung had a reason. I don't-"

"How did we break up?" Junri cut him off.

"What?"

"How did we break up." Junri repeated. "Until now, I can't remember at all. I also can't remember a lot of things about you, actually."

Lay sadly smiled. *So that's why you're so nice to me... You don't remember me at all.* "Besides my name, what else do you know about me, Junri?"

Junri started walking again. "I know your family... You like to dance and you're very good at it, too. We... we were together for some time. But I don't know what happened during that time. I don't know what tore us apart."

"I was engaged."

Junri stopped on her tracks, and turned to look at Lay. "I know that. To Feng Meylin."

"I got engaged during our fight." Lay revealed. "Do you remember now? You told me you wanted space... and I mistook that for something else. Out of my misery, I agreed to the engagement an old friend pitched to me. You should hate me, Junri. The only thing stopping you from hating me... is that you can't remember."

Junri shook her head. "No! That's not true." She frowned. "I do remember! I do!"

"When's our next monthsary then?" Lay asked.

"I... I don't know. I'm not good with dates." She lied. She was good with dates. That was the one thing keeping her History grades up.

"Lies." Lay accused. "You just don't really remember, Junri. Your amnesia affected your memories about us."

"That's not true..." Junri mumbled.

"Then what is, Junri?" Lay sighed. He was staring right at her, but she was hanging her head low. "I don't know what to believe! Are you really doing this just so Zelo will forgive me? What do you want from me? I'm so confused!" He chocked out. "You're confusing me because a huge part of me wants to believe you still love me, but you keep sending me mixed signals..." He whispered. "You couldn't even look at me yesterday night at the ball... Were you that disgusted Meylin was with me?"

"When I'm with you... I feel okay." Junri looked up, revealing her glassy eyes. She made a big smile, but all it did was let her tears leak. "When I talk to you, it makes me feel like there's nothing wrong with me... And seeing you with someone else, made me remember that you can be all those things without me."

Lay softened. He reached out to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to shout." He murmured.

"Even when I forgot myself. Even when I can't even remember sometimes how to spell my name, I keep thinking of you... And that I do still love you, Yixing..." She croaked. "I'm sorry... Because I really can't remember most of you too..."

Lay's eyes widened. "It's okay, Junri... I'm here. You can talk to me. Is this why you want Zelo to forgive me?" He smiled at her as he pulled away.

She nodded.

He chuckled. "That's really nice of you. Now come on, let's go look for his birthday gift." He held her hand and started walking again.

 

"See? They're happy, right? Who am I to step on that?" Youngjae shrugged.

Luhan nodded. "Huh. I never thought I would ever find someone who would agree with me."

"Well you do now." Youngjae grinned at him. "Come on. We'll have to look for Zelo's birthday gift too."

Luhan nodded and followed after him. *As long as you're happy, Junri...* He smiled.

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BangtansWifey
I finally figured this story out! :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Comments

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weinfinitizeyou
#1
Chapter 36: The ending doeeeeee the angstttttttt urghhhhhhhh
Zoraxx #2
Chapter 36: Weeeeelll.. nice story, i don't like the ending though. I think it doesnt really fit, sorry. But I enjoyed reading!
isiss1994
#3
Chapter 36: I am broken! Why! Poor Lay...I hate that he had to let go and be sad. I didn't see this ending coming :( Is there going to be a part 2? I would love to read it!
Koala_Ray
#4
Chapter 30: Ah..zelo is such a great brother~he's right Junri..learn to hang on..
stephani_bap #5
Chapter 18: ㅠ_ㅠ i feel pity for Zelo....
stephani_bap #6
Chapter 17: zelo, being a over-protective dongsaeng ㅎ ㅎ ㅎ ㅎ
sushi_sykes
#7
Chapter 16: nope shipping her with youngjae because I love that fluff ball.
stephani_bap #8
Chapter 15: nice job author! you make her get amnesia twice, but now she knows people that she hates ☜
SilentDay #9
Chapter 13: I like that song! 'Why did I fall in love with you'! :D