~Previously on "Holding Onto Her"

Siwon had the dream again of the breakup scene again like how he always had for the past 3 and a half year. The dream or a nightmare that he had ended when he was awoken by a loud screaming voice that belong to kyuhyun; demanding him to wake up and open the door. He got ready and started his day with a family breakfast. He decided to meet up with his friends at Henry's restaurant. But his excitement was cut short when he meet with an unexpected encounter....

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He, then, asked, "How bout now? Do you remember me now?" 

"Daniel-shi?" i questioned to confirm that the person in front of me is really Daniel. 

"That's right. How have you been? Its been more than 3 years. Fancy meeting you here!" He grinned at me. Showing off his pearly whites, he offered his hand for a friendly handshake and opened his arms to hug me.

"I-I'm fine." i said, trying my best to shake away the awkwardness in my voice. We, soon apart. I, then continued. "Yeah, its been 3 years and 7 months." trying my best to act natural, to be like how i am normally.

Yes, its been 3 years and 7 months ever since she left me. Its been 3 years and 7 months ever since she choose you over me. For those 3 years and 7 months, I've been living in pain of losing the person that i love and i was about to propose to. For the 3 years and 7 months, I've been haunted by all the memories of her. During those 3 years and 7 months, I tried to drown myself with work and school just to keep my mind off of her, because i know that she is now happy with you and not with me. 

My thoughts were interrupted when i heard Henry's voice from my left. "eh, Hyung why are you still here?"

I cleared my throat then said, "Oh, I just bumped into an old friend. You do know Daniel Lee Seung Jun, right?" Slightly patting his shoulder. 

"Oh, yes. He is a regular here in my restaurant. I'm Henry." He said while offering his hand out for a handshake.

"Daniel," he introduced himself, accepting Henry's hand. 

"I don't mean to be rude and cut the reunion that you both just had at my restaurant's stairway but if you don't mind Daniel-shi, I need my hyung right now to get his upstairs because the rest has been waiting for him." 

"Hey, its okay" Daniel said, with an assuring smile. "Well, see you around Siwon-shi."

I nodded. With that, he made his way pass me and Henry. I was so glad that Henry saved me from the unexpected encounter that i just had with Daniel. "Come on!" Henry exclaimed excitedly. We went up. And the guys were all present. I was being pulled into a warm hug by each one of them. We've been good friends ever since High School and being able to meet them once again after such a long time and able to have casual talks feels great. We talked about alot of things. One of which is about their career and relationships. Sungmin hyung had become a father and same goes to Leeteuk hyung and Zhoumi-nie. Some are engage while others are getting married by the end of the year and beginning of next year. I sighed in realization of how much things had changed.

Out of the blue, Leeteuk hyung asked, "How about you? In a relationship or still single?"

I looked up and realized that all eyes were on me at the table that we're at. Everyone was waiting for my answer. I can't lie, i was a little taken aback by the question. How can i be in a relationship when i am still in pain? I know i should have let her go. She is the source of the pain that i had suffer this whole time. But how could i? My hopes and dreams used to be about her and now, even though she is with him, i still can't find a courage to say goodbye and not hold onto her anymore. I smiled and said, "Single"

Kangin hyung then said, "Siwon, its been so long already. You deserve to have every happiness in the world. As much as, she is happy now, i am sure that she want the same for you. Don't you think its time to let go of her?"

The smile that i wore started to fade when i started to understood what exactly Kangin hyung meant. I opened my mouth to say something when the door flung opened revealing my younger brother who's smiling so widely. "What have i missed?"

"Nothing much. Since Kyuhyun hyung is here already, i'll go call for the food to be send up here now," Henry answered.

The food arrived and for the rest of the time during lunch were filled with laughter as we cracked jokes here and there. 

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-At home. 

I'm in my room. I was looking at old photo albums of guys and me. We're so young back then. We looked so happy. i decided to close the album and put it away. I don't why i did what i did but i opened the drawer that was filled with all the memories that i was trying to heal from. In the drawer theres the photo frame and an album. Other than those two, theres also the silver box, i opened it up and i saw the ring. The ring that was meant to be worn by her; on her finger and not here in the box being left to collect dust. Suddenly, the pain on my chest came back but this time i managed to shake it off. I put it aside and i decide to look into the drawer again and i saw a key with a toy story's character Woody as a key chain. She gave the key chain to me on our first date, saying that she love woody, the toy story character. She even said that i looked like woody sometimes.  I grabbed it and squeezed it in my hand. Its the key to the apartment, our apartment. No, i should rephrase it. Its the key to what used to be our apartment. I don't know what took over me. I, immediately, took my coat and my car keys along with the keys to the apartment with me, barging out of room. 

While climbing down the stairs, I told mum that i won't be home for the night. I'm meeting a campus friend and will be sleeping over at his house. I got in my car and drove fiercely on the road. The pain was still there, on my chest as i clutched the steering wheel tighter. After of about half an hour, I reached the apartment. I took the lift and press 19. 19th floor is where our apartment is on. The number 19 was choosen because it's a special number to the both of us. Every 19th, we would celebrate our monthniversary and 19 was also her age when i finally found the courage to ask her out. I was 22 and she was 21when we decided to buy an apartment and moved in together. I look at the increasing change of numbers at the number screen beside the door of the lift. "....17....18...19"

The doors automatically opened. As soon as that happened, I started to make my way out of the lift and towards the door of the apartment. The apartment is located on the far left side of the lift. On each floor theres only 6 apartments. I stopped on my trackes when i realized i was standing in front of the door to the apartment. I took out the keys and slot it in. I twist it and it soon became unlocked. I flung the door open and all the memories flashes before me. From every edge of the room, you can sense her touch. From the wallpaper of one of the wall to the sofa and the kitchen. I slowly pace my steps forward and into the room. Everything is the where i left them. The picture frames that were hung on the wall remained where they were. They remained untouched since i last set my foot here. I went into the bedroom pull the white piece of cloth that covered the bed. i sat down on the bed and questioned myself on what i was doing here. Why i didn't sell off the apartment before i left for London? I looked to the side of the bed and took the photo frame in my hands. Its a picture of us by the balcony of this very apartment. I was backhugging her while she was holding her tea with one hand and the camera in the other. My thoughts were all over the place. My emotions and mind were in a mess. All of a sudden, the ringtone of my phone illuminate the silence and peace of the apartment. I was startled and got back to my senses. I peeked at the screen of my phone and i decided to answer it.

"Yeobosayo?"

"Oh, Siwon-ah! Its me, seunghyunnie. Why didn't you tell me that you're back here?" 

"Oh, Seunghyun! Yeah, i am back for my brother's wedding. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Do you want to meet up?"

"yeah, sure. When?"

"How about tomorrow?"

"Sounds good to me. We meet at the Sunshine cafe tomorrow?"

"Yeah that's sounds great! See you buddy!"

"Okay. See you tomorrow." I ended the call and put down my phone.

Seunghyun or who is also know as TOP by most people is one of my closest friend as well. He lived next door to our home. We practically grew up together because we're neighbours. When i broke up with her, he's the one that found out about it first and stayed with me through. For the whole 7 months after the break up, i wasn't taking good care of myself and i always fall sick. He's the one that stayed by me other than kyuhyun to check up on me. I shifted back my attention to the picture in the photo frame. My finger the face of Sooyoung and my tears escaped from my eyes as i, now, understood my existence in the apartment at that point of time. The reason to why i did what i've done.

I came back in here because i was hoping that maybe she'll come here to the apartment after i had left for London. Maybe one of those days when she missed me the way i miss her, she came back here to just feel my existance being beside her. After all, I think she still has the key to the apartment. Hoping that she will come back and use this house as a safe house whenever life is getting tough. Hoping that probably she realized that she had made a wrong choice of leaving me and that she wants me back. But all of that was being cancelled out when i saw the things that was in the closet. Some of her clothes are still in there, untouched and remained. I took out the coat that she used to wear everywhere when she go out with her friends and for work. The coat still have a lingering scent of her even after all these years. My heart stopped aching as much, once I hug it; pretending that it was her and cover it over myself and close my eyes. Settling on the bed in attempt to called it a night after having such a long day. 

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Author's note:

Thank you for reading the chapters. i hope this is okay cause I know that my skills is not that good and i'm still lacking by alot. But i am trying my best. Sorry for the flaws. I'm still working on it. I'll update it soon. Theres more to come. Bear with me.