Chapter 10

Holding onto her

After the ceremony ended, the guests moved to the reception that had been set up at the side of the garden, fully sheltered. The chairs were being cleared and it transformed into a dance floor. The scenery of the venue and the surrounding were magnificant. I really have to say that Sooyoung actually put alot of thought is this and it looks great! I went to the bar that was located near the side of the dance floor taking a drink for myself as the newly-weds were greeting the guests; thanking them for coming and taking photos with them.

When i turned around, I spotted Dr Tiffany at the the dessert banquet table taking the delicacies on her own. She was wearing a pink dress that reach at the top of her knees and her hair was let down to one side. Maybe Kyuhyun invited her when i was still at the hospital. My trains of thoughts were interrupted when i saw a tall figure making his way towards her. She looked startled by his sudden appearance. When i looked a little harder, i realized that the person was none other than Daniel. OhMyGod.. Are they really that close? Because  from where i am, I can see them talking like they've known each other for a very long time. Then, he put his arms around Dr Tiffany's shoulder casually and he whispered something to her ears. Is he seriously doing a lovelines like this in front to everyone? I looked around in hopes that Sooyoung won't be around to see this. I don't want her to get hurt knowing that her husband is having an affair right in front of her in public. All of a sudden, I felt a tap on my shoulder and a voice could be heard. "What are you looking at?" I shifted my gaze to the owner of the voice. Its Sooyoung! Oh, No. This is not good. I tried to distract her attention when i saw her trying to look beyond my shoulders to the view of Daniel and the doctor. In a swift motion, I put my hand on her shoulders and switch places with her. She is now having her back toward where Daniel and Dr Tiffany was and still is at and I managed to peek behind her just to see if they've parted ways or they had move away from the dessert table. I tried to come out with things to talk to her about. We tried to talk about anything and when i was certain that they've moved from there, i let go of my hold that was on her shoulders and smiled awkwardly to her. She looked confused, I can tell. But theres nothing that i want her to know as of now. I don't want her to think that i am being obsessive and a busybody by knowing her personal affairs if i tell her about what i saw at the hospital and at the dessert table. I needed to be sure and to let go of the suspicions that i had against Daniel. The only way is to find out about the truth behind his relationship with Dr Tiffany. 

"You did a good job at planning the wedding and designing the decorations! And i don't lie."

"Thank you!" Sooyoung said while bowing a bit. Then, Kangin hyung's voice could be heard even with the loud music playing, calling out for me to join the guys at their table. I excused myself and got to their table. They were playing games of spin the bottle and the bride and groom joined in as well. Soon the reception was filled with loud cheers when the bride and groom went to the dance floor to have their first dance as man and wife. 

Suddenly, my attention was shifted to a little person who was running around and hiding behind my legs and zoomed under the table. I smiled and i bent down, moving the sheet of cloth that covered the table top upwards. There, I could see a shocked little expression of Yungeon. "Yungeon-ah, what are you doing under here?"

He, then, hushed me and whispered, "I am hiding from Teangsoo hyungnim."

I nodded to show that i understood what he was saying. The kids were playing hide and seek, i guess. So, i decided to sit under the banquet table as well along with him. I pulled him onto my lap and he lean onto the upper torso of mine. He took out a book that he was carrying from his pororo backpack. He was wearing it on his back while he was running around previously, "Hero samchon, can you read for me?" 

"I read for you?" I asked pointing a finger to myself. "Oh, okay." i said. When i looked down to take the book from his hand i can't help but to noticed that it was not a storybook. The cover of the book is brown in colour and the material is close to a leather. It looked more like a diary but who's diary is it? I was about to open the book to read it when suddenly the covers of the tabletop was being pull up to reveal a screaming Taengsoo. "I FOUND YOU!" he exclaimed and with that Yungeon immediately stood up and went out from under the table and chased after Taengsoo and the other kids. I chuckled at how a child's desire and attention could be diverted to many other things after just a few seconds. I looked at the book that Yungeon left me with before he left me under here. I opened it up and there i saw, a person's handwriting. Stating, 'this book belongs to Choi Soo Young." 

My fingers which was previously getting ready to flipped through the pages halted as i realized that the book belonged to Sooyoung and its a diary. It will be wrong for me to just flipped through and read the entries because that is action of invading someone else's space of privacy. I contemplated for a while and i couldn't fight the urge anymore. I flipped to the first entry and it read, 

"Dear diary, 

I've never thought that i'd be writing this here but i have nowhere else to talk about this. I don't know who to turn to. I can't talk about this to Siwon oppa. I don't want to hurt him but right now my bestfriend needs me and i can't let him down. 2 days ago, i saw him. Being back in Seoul after being away in America for so long due to his father's new brunch. He came back last year, he went missing again 4 months ago. I can't deny that i've gotten used to his presence around me once again and him being uncontactable is really worrying. I missed him but when i saw him 2 days ago, i didn't expect him to end up like this. I was going to the hospital for my usual volunteering sessions in the children's ward when i heard a familiar voice in one of the rooms. I was certain that the voice belonged to Daniel and i paced my steps as quietly as possible, hoping to see my bestfriend in the room. But instead, i saw a patient sitting on a wheel chair wearing a beanie and in a hospital clothes, having his back facing the door. So, i decided to asked the nurse that usually walks me to the ward that i am suppose to go to for my volunteering sessions about who that patient was and why he was there. To my horror, His name is Daniel Lee Seung Jun and he is a patient of a 3rd stage brain cancer. He had been treated here for a few months and he always go to the children's ward to read stories to them and sometimes to just have a small comforting talk between patients; encouraging them to always fight for their health and recover from whatever illnesses that they are suffering from. I paused on my steps and i turned around, dashing towards the ward that i saw the patient was in to just ensure that it was not him. To ensure that it was just a coincidence of the same name cases. However, what i hoped for didn't happened. I was about to enter the room when he was about to leave. I can see his pale skinned and his dark under-eyes that was probably caused by the chemotherapy. He looked up and was shocked to see me standing rooted to the ground. Many questions in filled my head. I was in a lost of words that I only managed to come out with 1 question, "Why didn't you tell me?!" At the point of time, i cried not wanting to accept the fact that he is suffering from a terminal illness. He stood up from the wheel chair and hugged me. I cried in his embrace for quite a while. When we pull apart, i could see that i've made a big tear marked on his shirt. In the evening, when Daniel was resting in his ward and his parents came to visit. His mother passed a letter. She asked me to consider this as daniel's last wish while trying to control her emotions. I read it. It was written a year ago when he decided to come back. He said that he wants to asked for my hand in marriage if i'm still not taken. He wants to fulfill his promises that he made to me when we were still kids. I can't deny that i felt bad. That i love him too in a different way of him loving me as i already have Siwon oppa. I can't just leave him like that. When Daniel left me and things started to change, i met with Siwon oppa. Siwon oppa made me happy and forget about the loneliness that i felt when he not here. I've been in a relationship with Siwon oppa for more than 3 years and i love him so much. But right now, my bestfriend is dying and i can't just let him be. He needs me and i need him to stay. Oh, god... what am i supposed to do?

Sooyoung.

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thats the end of the first entry, still sitting under here, i began to flip to the next page and continued. 

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Dear diary, 

I've done what I've decided. I've hurt Siwon oppa. I broke up with him when he greeted me once i stepped into our apartment. I felt guilty for not telling him about Daniel's illness and for my reason to pull myself out of this relationship. I figured it would be better if he does not know. When i told him that i want us to break up, i know i've hurt him deeply. When he asked me 'why', i had no choice but to say that i have someone else in my heart other than him. I was shocked that today he semi-shouted at me for the first time. He never did that before when i refused to tell him who that person was. I was lost in my own words and choking on my own tears. I, then, said that it was Daniel. At the sound of his name, i saw how broken he was. I saw the blankness in his eyes and the pain in his eexpression. I know today is our 4th aniversary but i have to do it. Theres not much time. The doctors said that the medications are not working on him anymore. They're just relying on the chemotherapy. I'm scared of what will become. I know its not fair for Siwon oppa. Its not fair to me too. I love Siwon oppa but what type of a bestfriend i am if i let my own bestfriend die just like that without doing anything to make him happy and fight again for his recovery? Daniel needs me more. If marrying him as his last wish, i'll do it. I love Daniel even if its a total different love that i had for Siwon oppa. No exceptions. The ceremony will take place at the hospital 2 days from now. From the next day onwards, i have to get use to the idea that i am no longer going to be Choi Sooyoung and have dreams of being a wife of Choi Siwon anymore. I have to leave my history with him behind. As much as i love Siwon oppa, I don't want to hurt Daniel. I'll be Choi Sooyoung from the next day onwards who is getting married to Daniel Lee Seung Jun. And that's final. 

I'm sorry Siwon oppa. I didn't mean to hurt you like this. Trust me as much as it is hurting you. I'm hurt twice as much too. I am not having the happy ending that i've always dreamt of having with you, by your side and i've hurt the person that i love and care the most knowing that its better for you to hate and be angry with me than to have you finding out about this. You will find someone else. You deserve someone better and someone who will not think twice of loving you. You deserve someone who will stay. I promise you that i'll hold onto the memories and the love that you gave me and i'll bring this guilt of leaving you to collect the piece of the heart that i broke till the end of time because you did nothing to hurt me but i did the unthinkable. Siwon oppa, I will always love you and i'm so sorry...

Sooyoung.

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I could feel a sudden 'peng!' on my heart when I hit with a realization that all my thoughts about the break up was all just an assumption and it was not true at all. I used to think that she had never thought of how broken i was after she left. I thought she left me to be with Daniel because she realized that she had feeling for him ever since they were little but i was wrong. She did all of that to fulfil her role as a bestfriend to someone who is dying. I thought she didn't have a heart after leaving that apartment door. But it was all wrong. She does have a heart and it shows when she choose to be with Daniel. It shows that she love Daniel enough to sacrifice her feelings even if she had to hurt me. I thought that i was the only one who suffered after the break up but she too suffered as much as it does on me. She felt all the guilt and pain. The moment that i thought i lost her is actually the moment that she lost me while i never did. I hold onto her like how she hold onto me. The only difference was the situation at that time. I got back to my senses and close the book. I, then, keep it in the inner pocket of my suit. I got out from under the table and thats when i saw her standing and looking forward towards the newly weds having ending their first dance with a smile on her face and putting her hands together for them. She turned and our gaze met. She gave me a warm smile as she noticed me looking at her. I smiled back to her and i put a thumbs up to show that everything had went as how we hope for; for Kyuhyun and Seohyun's wedding.

If only you know, that i ,now, know the truth. Will you come clean about it? Only god knows, how hard i was trying to fighting my urge to hug you and tell you that i've forgiven you.

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Author's note'

I hope this answers your questions. I am sorry if this is not good. I'm trying my bestest. I hope you enjoy reading this. There'll be more questions that will be answer soon after this but please anticipate it cause Sooyoung shi's diary is in Siwon shi's hands so, he will find out about everything sooner or later which probably meant that you will too. Please bear with me. I'll update soon and sorry if this is not what you expect it to be and sorry to dissapoint. I had a hard time writing the ceremony of how the seokyu couple said the vows because i don't know much about weddings and stuff. I tried to do some research about it, wrote the whole storyline of it but ended up scrapping the whole thing. But i may write a glipse of it in the future when i'm confident enough to write the whole thing out and as of when the scene is relevant. Anyways thank you for subscribing, commenting and anticipating. Really appreciate it.

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Comments

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StaringIntoTheAbyss
#1
Chapter 31: OMG >.< this is cute
LovesSuperGeneration #2
Chapter 31: Hope u get featured again....nice story!!
Michelle_916_Youngie #3
Chapter 31: Wow finally
gomawayo author nim
You write a great story
I am crying when reading this
For several times, really
can't wait for your new story
Guixuxian0206 #4
Chapter 31: Can you write also bout seokyu couple..thankyu..
twisteddd #5
Chapter 31: Uwaahhhhh!!! Daebak authoe nim!!! I love love love this story! Please make a new story about soowon & seokyu^^ thanks!!
AllForSOOWON
#6
Chapter 29: UPDATE PLEASE?
Guixuxian0206 #7
Chapter 29: Theres no seokyu ever since from the beginning..and it will end now..