Previously on "Holding Onto Her"

Siwon and Daniel had an awkward meeting regarding the advertisement alongside Kyuhyun and their Dad. Siwon was being invited by Sooyoung for Yungeon's 3rd birthday party. Siwon was also being reminded by the book that he had read since after kyuhyun's reception till the day that he came back from his graduation from London. The book that let him learn about the truth that freed him from his troubles and pains. The pain and troubles that ache him in the heart. The past that had haunt him for more than 3 years ago. To be exact, ever since she set foot outside of their apartment door, making her choice to spend her whole life with Daniel instead of him. He was confuse and deep in his own thought as of how he should give the book back. From the tone of her voice, he knows that she still had not figure out that the book Yungeon left him with during the reception was actually her diary and not an ordinary storybook. Sunday came and Siwon went to the birthday party with the present and a wrapped up book in the same paperbag. Once he reached the venue where Sooyoung's house was located, the hyungs, families and long lost friend were there. There were many children play at the lawn and garden of the Lee's residence. He went to the kitchen to meet Sooyoung and have a small chat with her. However, all of that was halted when he saw her back facing the kitchen window and he head facing downward. He knew what she was doing but he just couldn't figure out what actually, happened. 

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"Sooyoung-ah... Is everything okay?" 

There was no reply just a startle and subtle reaction was given. She turned away and try to wipe her tears away, trying her best to hide her fallen tears away from me. 

I reached out my hand and put it on her shoulder. In an instant, I turned her shoulders gently towards me. So that, i could take a look at her. Her eyes was pink and abit puffy, maybe she had been crying for awhile now. As i looked into her eyes, a tear managed to escape her left eye. As if its an instict, I wiped the tears away from her face before it left a trail make down her face and down towards her jaw. See her like this even if we are not romantically together, hurts me. I know everything was not okay and i knew that when i lost the view of the smile that i was a fond of ever since, god knows when. 

I took a breath and asked her, "What happened, Sooyoung-ah? Why are you like this?"

She just looked up not breaking her gaze at me. She opened up to say something but nothing really came out from . More tears escaped from her eyes, expressing how painful it must have been on her to just explain about the situation. Her knees went weak and she just grabbed on to the cabinet that was by her side. I was getting worried and impatient about what was actually happening. Why she was crying alone and is still crying while all of the guests are outside waiting for her appearence. I don't know what got to me but out of a sudden my hand travelled to the side of her shoulders and help her to take a seat at the chair that was at the kitchen island. I poured out a drink for her that was by the table and put it in front of her. She hold up the cup with trembling hands and took a sip. I took a seat next to her and waited for her to be done with what she was doing. 

"Sooyoung-ah... Please tell me what's wrong with you. Why are you crying like this? Is there anyone blackmailing you? Please just speak."

She was still not voicing out. The only reaction that i got from her was the tears while she took out something from her pants pocket. It was a letter. I was puzzled by her sudden action but when everything started to sank in, i was worried. Worried because i am afraid that she really was being blackmailed by an unknown person. I took the letter from her hands and say a little prayer to myself. "God, please don't let this be what i think it is."

When i opened up the letter, I was kind of realived that its not a blackmailing letter from someone anonymous. Thank god! However, its from Daniel. At that moment, i was confused as to why she was crying when she was reading a letter that was given to her by her own husband and the reason to why she was giving it to me. There were alot of questions that popped up in my brain. I looked up to her, and frown my eyebrows together in an attempt to give her a questionable look. But all i receieved from her was an empty stare and teary eyes. Then, i shifted my attention once again to the piece of paper that was in my hands. 

To my beloved youngie, 

I am sorry to write this letter to you and to leave it on the side table like this. I want to say thank you for everything that you've done for me. From being my wife and giving me the greatest gift of all, our son, Yungeon. I want you to know that i will always love you no matter where i might be. By the time you are reading this, i may not be here anymore. I have to leave Yungeon and you to go somewhere far and to get somethings done. I don't know when i'll be done it. So, please don't search for me. Tell Yungeon that i love him so, so much and tell him that i am sorry for not being able to be there with him for his 3rd birthday. I love you so much, Soo. Only god knows how much you and Yungeon means to me. I'll leave you under Siwon's care when i'm not around, okay? You'll be safe with him and i know he can protect you. I'm sorry, Soo. Please remember that i'll always love you. 

Till we meet again,

Daniel.

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My heart stopped. I could understand why Sooyoung is being like this. I shifted my gaze back up to her. Her tears didn't stop their flow. I was at loss for words. My mind just went blank. While taking a moment to just sink in everything in my head and to just understand why Daniel did what he did, I saw how broken Sooyoung was. She was being left to answer all the questions that will be asked about Daniel from Yungeon alone. She was being left by her own husband on the day of their son's third birthday. She was being left with all these emotions and have to face up with the guests alone. Suddenly, everything just hit me. I figured out that the departure of Daniel from the house was maybe because of his affair with Tiffany. I told them that i'd delete the pictures and i hope that they'll figure out themselves on how to solve this mess. Oh god! When i meant 'i hope they'll figure out themselves on how to solve this mess', i didn't expect him to make a decision like this! This is all my fault. If i had not confronted them and if i had not to told them to solve the mess that they've made or if i had just pretended that everything was different, things like this won't happened. Sooyoung will not have become like this. Siwon, this is all your fault! Guilt consumed me and all that i managed to do was opening my arms and embrace her into a hug. She buried her head to my chest and i pat her back; trying my best to comfort her and to console her. The guilt that i was bearing became overwhelming when i could hear her sobbing. The kind of sob that you've been holding onto for a long time and its begin to hurt more when you let it go than you held it in. I picked up all my courage and said, "Let it out Sooyoung-ah... It's okay..." 

After what felt more than 10 minutes, we slowly pull apart. She wiped away her tears from face. The atmosphere in the kitchen that was previously filled with her heartache, was then crept in with a sudden silence. 

"Thank you, oppa." she said, finally.

"Hey.. It's okay. Have you tried to contact him?"

"I did. I've tried numerous time since this morning when i first got that note. I don't know what i am supposed to do now, Oppa. Will he ever come back? Where is he now? What is the thing that he need to get done that was so urgent that he don't know when he'll get it done? When i finally figured out about things in my life and what decisions that i want to make, he just have to leave like this, doesn't he?" She ranted out. 

"Maybe its a retribution for the mistakes that i've done in the pass. Maybe this happened because of karma... I left you for him 4 years ago and now i have to pay for hurting you, Oppa." She continue as a few tears escaped from her eyes. 

"Hey, don't say that." I said while holding up her chin to face me. "I promise you that i'll try to find him even if that's the last thing i'll do. He have to come back here and be together with you and Yungeon. He have to see his son grow and send him to his first playgroup. He have to be here by your side on the day of Yungeon's graduation. I promise you that no matter what it takes, i'll bring him back."

"Hey, Why so serious?!" A voice could be heard from the entrance of the kitchen that had successfully startled the both of us. It's Kyuhyun and Seohyun who had just arrived. Sooyoung wiped away her tears that was on the sides of her eyes and her face as well. The couple then walked towards us with Yungeon in the embrace of Kyuhyun. In a split seconds before the two smiley-looking couple walked towards us, Sooyoung quickly grab the letter that i had placed on the table before our hug, into her pocket once again. She, then, turned to the two, flashing the best smile yet to them. 

"Unnie! Let's go and join the girls at the front table!" Seohyun offered while reaching out her hand to circled around Sooyoung's left arm.

"Okay then!" she said, after which she turned back to the direction of kyuhyun, Yungeon and Me, "Later, boys!"

Their figure began fade away after they left the kitchen area. Kyuhyun, Yungeon and I was left at the kitchen. Kyuhyun gave me a puzzled look. 

"Hyung, what happened back here before we barged in?" Kyuhyun questioned.

"Why are the two of you looking so serious?" He continued. I was abit agitated as to how i am going about to talked about it. I guess i better keep it to myself and let him find it out on his own. "Nothing much. Don't worry about it." I blurted out. Sooner or later, i am sure, Seohyun will tell him everything once the events of today escaped from Sooyoung's mouth. 

"Let's get out of the kitchen, hyung. The rest are waiting for us outside at the table in the lawn. Kangin hyung, Leeteuk hyung, heechul Hyung and all the other hyungs are outside already. Let's go join them."

I got up to my feet and took Yungeon from Kyuhyun's hand to my embrace. The birthday boy hug me by the neck. I begin to feel so guilty once again while having him in my arms and having him close. He is still so small to experience not having his father with him during major events in his life. How will he reacts when he found out that his father left his mom and him behind with an excuse of 'wanting to get things done'? What will he thinks about his father when he found out the man that he called daddy had an affair behind his family's back and to leave them behind just because of the woman? How am i suppose to find Daniel now that he is uncontactable? If he really left with Tiffany, what will happened to Seunghyun? I have to fulfill the promise that i've made to Sooyoung. I have too. 

My train of thoughts was stopped when i felt a tapped on my shoulders. 

"Siwon-ah, Gwenchanna?" Sungmin hyung, asked worried. "You've been standing like that staring into space for quite sometime. Are you sick?" He place the back of his hand onto my forehead to check if i was having a fever. 

"Aniyo, Hyung."

"Yah, what have been thinking from just now? Yungeon had been poking your face from just now, he wants to play with Taengsoo, Jungmin and the rest of the kids but you are not even moving an inch to put him down." He scoffed. 

"Jinja?!" I asked while planting kisses onto Yungeon's forehead and cheeks. He only let out a soft giggle and i continued, "I'm so sorry, Yungeon-ah." I slowly put him down to the ground. As soon as the sole of his shoes touches tha ground, he ran as fast as he could chasing after the other kids. I tried to look out for Seunghyun at the guys table as i was pretty sure, Sooyoung had invited him. Either way, from the entries, Seunghyun was the only one who knows the truth behind why Sooyoung left me 4 years ago. So, i guess their realtionship would have been close. I tried to search for him but he was no where to be found. I guess something must have came up that made him miss this get together on a Sunday. I just hope nothing is serious though. 

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Author's note;

Will update this soon. Hope you enjoy reading this. Thank you for subscribing and have wonderful day. Sorry for the flaws too. Goodbye.