The night seems so long, so silence, so, killing. I just keep my gaze down to the street, looking at my feet whenever it moving to take every steps to home. I don’t know how long I already walk, but now it just feel like years, and my feet so sore. I really just wanted to home soon, locked myself up inside my room and go to sleep till the sun bugging me up to wake tomorrow, but I can’t, there is still three blocks away to my house, and I stuck there with Changmin as the silence fills up the air.

None of us says anything or do something. It feels like we already tired with what already happen. Or we just tired of all of this. I don’t want to think about it. I could feel how the night wind is teasing me up with the night chills, but my mind already going numb. I just want to home now, and curl into ball over my bed, and perhaps… cry.

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“I’ll back to France next month…”

I don’t know what to say, really. When those words slips out from Changmin’s mouth all things that get into my mind is France and leave. I slowly bring my gaze down from his eyes toward his body before his feet then the ground. I gritted my teeth slowly when I feels like my jaws suddenly hurt and I already swallowing my own saliva that not helping at all because my throat suddenly sore. Without I realize it, I already lost count at how much I sigh that moment.

“My mom is sick. I already lose her before, and I don’t want that to happen again.” Changmin says again, and now I could see if he’s moving closer toward me from how feet it moving along and now only feet away from mine “I’ll try to finish my work fast so I could leave Korea next month.”

I know, he is doing something good here, but I don’t know why I somehow don’t like it. Whenever he opens his mouth and talking about those stuffs only makes me want to scream at him to shut his mouth up, but I’m not. I just let him to say anything about his leaving. All I can do is stand there and hoping that my mind doesn’t get crazy which ended up by me burst all my emotions toward him. In the end, I’m just there, and act like a supporting friend even I know, I couldn’t do that to him.

“Wow… your mom must be very proud to have a son like you Changmin.” I lift my face and put a wide smile toward him. A smile that I never use in years, it’s not even a fake one “somehow I kind of jealous to her because you care so much about her.”

It just out from my mouth like that, and really, that’s not a joke, that’s something which is inside my mind, and I just saying that honestly. I don’t know what Changmin would say about that, but at least I saying that things to him. Still with a smile on my face I try so hard to saying something without shaking “I guess it’s already late, I… better home.”

I slightly move backward and try to turn my body. I’m not sure about what I see but it just like his expression is change a little bit before he finally walks a little closer so we stand side by side right now “Yeah, let me walk you home then…”

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We already arrive in front of my house. I could see if the house is still empty because my parents are out of town and Ahra shouldn’t be home now. We already stop walking and we still let the silence take the role between us. I look at the wooden gate of my house slowly and suddenly it makes me sad when I realize that I would be all alone in the house. After all these years I spent so many times by myself in the house, this is the first time I felt so lonely suddenly, and honestly I don’t know why.

I turn my body toward Changmin that actually staring at me since I don’t know when. He smiles a little bit when finally our gazes are meeting. Somehow, I’m going to miss those dark brown orbs if he really leaves next month. I shrug a little before take a deep breath a put a smile on my face toward him as slowly I lift my right hand “So I guess, this is it…”

Changmin put his gaze toward my hand that hang in the air and wait for him to take it. it just like a hand that want a simple handshake, but seems like Changmin doesn’t understand it for what. He bring his gaze back toward me and has this questioning look that already explain everything even he says nothing “What’s that for?”

I smile widely and somehow, slowly, my gaze turns blurry “Everything.”

He seems understand, or not, I don’t know. He just slowly takes my hand and shakes it awkwardly. I could feel his handgrip that really strong and his hands that really big over mind. And the longer it touch my skin the more blurry my eyes. I quickly bring my gaze down and try to break the handshake in second, but then I don’t know how I could already in Changmin’s embrace. He seems like pulling me over him just a moment when I bring my gaze down and he hold me there really tight.

“Someone told me to do something if I want to keep you around, and honestly I don’t know what to do” I could feel his breath tickling my neck as he says those. He keeps hugging me tight and not care if people would see us, beside its already late night and this area is deserted. I could feel something is fall through my cheeks. I just stay still, not even hold him back like he done to me “I don’t know if you want to stay around me or not even in the end I will leave to France.”

I want to stay around you, I really am, but I realize if in the end, you’ll leave me, and I feel like I am actually nothing.

I slowly broke the hug and I just laugh awkwardly when I realize he might see me with tears right now. I’m using the back of my hand to wipe away the tears from my eyes and the stain from my cheeks. Still with my laugh that sounds weird I take a few steps backward from him and to him and toward the gate of my house. I’m not saying anything to him until when I already on the other side of the gate, I smile at him a little “Good luck then, Changmin.” 

I turn my body quickly and take quick steps toward my house. I don’t hear anything like he try to say something to stops me, or he do anything to makes me feel better. When I already inside my house I just lock the wooden door and let my back laid at the cold surface, before slowly I slide down and sit there on the floor.

I’m not crying again, no, but I just stay silent and stare at the hallway of my house. I just sit there and thinking about how sad I am and don’t care if the morning is finally come.

So I do double update since I don't even know when my Laptop will recover and back from service center. And just in case, it's still quiet long, I'll do another double update (perhaps) for the next time i posted another Chapter. Okay guys hope you undertand, and now i should emailed my work toward my teacher. hehe.

Thanks for reading :))