Genre: angst Requester: SeiuolodrajaF Author's Note: I know you've had a long wait and now you probably hate me for making it so depressing haha ^.^     SPEED Pain The Love Of Heart WINNER Tonight VIXX Youth Hurts SPICA Ghost   Hongbin sat in front of the television, the winter breeze blowing in through the open window. He shivered, but instead of grabbing a blanket, he sought the almost empty bottle of whiskey gripped weakly in his hand. He had to feel the warmth inside of him again. That warmth had drifted from him too soon ago and it haunted him like the bitter cold lingering in the air. Instead, the only thing he felt at that moment was the strong urge to throw up. Hongbin instantly dropped the bottle, watching it smash. He fell to his knees, the contents of his stomach splurging onto the floor. He wiped his mouth and looked to the picture of her hanging above the fireplace. It was wrong, but maybe, just maybe, he thought that burning everything away would bring the warmth back to his skin. But nothing could bring her back.   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   “Hongbin-ah!” Jungeun called out excitedly, holding her arms stretched out. It had been a while since she had seen her best friend. She wanted so badly to invite him to go back with her when the holidays next rolled around, but because of her feelings for him, she was too nervous to even ask. “Jungeun, you’re back?” Hongbin widened his eyes as he stared back at her. He was cradling his girlfriend’s books in one arm, the said girl latched onto his other. Jungeun saw that despite the warm smile plastered on Hongbin’s face, his eyes were tired. She knew that even though the two of them were painted as the perfect couple, they were hanging by a thread. It would take something small to break that thread. That’s why Jungeun tried to be careful around the both of them. As much as she loved Hongbin, she didn’t want to see him hurt. “About this weekend. Something came up, sorry.” Hongbin swallowed, remaining silent. “Oh.” He looked at Jungeun in surprise. She rarely cancelled. As soon as Hongbin started to head off to class, his girlfriend sighed and spoke up. “You can’t just do that out of nowhere. He’s really disappointed in you, you know.” She crossed her arms over her chest. Jungeun looked away from her, feeling guilty. “You know, I don’t understand why he likes you so much.” Jungeun’s eyes widened a little as she turned her head to face Hongbin’s girlfriend.   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   Hongbin heard Jungeun knocking on his bedroom door. “Go away.” He mumbled to himself. “No.” Jungeun replied, opening the door anyway. She sat beside him, pushing his head onto her shoulder. “I’ve never listened to you and I’m not going to start now. You need me.” “She didn’t even give me a reason. She just changed her number and packed her things. I don’t get it. I don’t get females. Please tell me everything so I can actually understand.” Jungeun laughed and answered sarcastically, “Yeah, because I am an expert.” Hongbin lifted his head and looked at his best friend, frowning. “I’m sorry. I know.” Jungeun smiled, pushing her aching sadness back. “It’s fine. I don’t even care anymore.” “Because you’ve never had the chance to love? Because you have a one-sided love?” Hongbin stared into the distance, looking at a picture of him with his now ex-girlfriend. Jungeun looked at the man that she fell in love with, feeling nothing but emptiness.   Hongbin was in pieces, and she reckoned it would be more painful to try to fix him than to leave him broken. She felt that it was no good picking at unhealed wounds. You had to let them fade first. But Hongbin had other ideas. “I’m alone. I want that kind of love again. Where can I find it?” Hongbin held his head in his hands. “I want to find it. I’ll do anything. I’ll search through every heart to find even a trace of it. It’s selfish because you’ve never felt it, but I need someone to hold me.” Hongbin moved his gaze to meet Jungeun’s eyes. His own were b with tears. He felt drunk because the room was spinning around him, and he couldn’t even stop the inappropriate thoughts from running through his head. He thought that maybe he’d find that said love in Jungeun. Hongbin knew it was risky. It could damage their friendship, but he was drunk on lovesickness, and he couldn’t control his body from leaning forward and taking her into his arms and kissing the life out of her. He so desperately wanted to find a spark there, but the feeling broke his heart more.   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   Hongbin watched the clock on the wall, watching the thin hands move slowly. He thought about these small things, tiny, insignificant things, like placing your head on a pillow, or stretching your arms out that Jungeun would never be able to do again. He thought about how life was so frail and could break easily and instantly. Hongbin had always believed in fate, more so to stop him feeling pain. When his parents divorced, he convinced himself it simply wasn’t fated to be, and when he found Jungeun, that fate had led him to happiness. But, he thought, fate is twisted. It never brings you happiness for long. It had always had a habit of snatching every last ounce of happiness from Hongbin. Three years he had. Three years of bliss and hopes of buying a diamond ring and a house and a cot or two. And then he ruined everything by letting his past feelings get in the way. Perhaps, Hongbin thought, that life gives you obstacles in order to test your fate. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself that her death was fated to happen, he wouldn’t accept it. He simply couldn’t.   - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   Jungeun watched as Hongbin kept his face down staring at his phone. She hesitated whether to nag hi