She heaved out a long sigh. She was frustrated.

“Ahhh…” she let out at the vast open view in front of her at the balcony of SS501’s apartment.

‘I was already bracing myself up to tell him about my past and the call back to the recording room just spoilt everything up. I hate getting all worked up like that for nothing. Now I had to do them all over again and it’s probably not going to be today too with his hectic schedule.’

“Soo Min-sshi, are you here? Please come in. And please give us some clue that you are inside okay?”

She turned around when she heard the call was directed to her, seeing Kyu Jong’s head peering out from the small opening of the slide door. His eyes wandered all over the balcony before heading back inside. The boys had been told about her being back by Jung Min when they arrived at the recording studio, with a little negotiation from both side; the boys were to be decent at all time and she should stay away from their rooms and the toilet. It was funny to her as they thought of her as some ert, fangirl ghost.

The boys were pretty much acceptable of her. They would sometimes ask random questions to her and would ask her to give some sign that she heard it like flipping a magazine or knock something down. Well, everyone except Hyung Jun. He seemed to be somewhat edgy when the others ‘conversed’ with her and would never be alone if he knew she was around. Soo Min went inside and knocked down Hyun Joong’s manhwa from the coffee table, getting the attention from the two left out members from tonight’s event, Kyu Jong and Yong Saeng.

“Ah, you’re here?” asked Yong Saeng from the kitchen, “Soo Min-sshi, do you like ramyun? I’m preparing them for us. Do you feel hungry in that form? Are you any good in cooking?”

“Hyung, you know it’s hard for her to answer more than 1 question at a time,” said the boy beside him, looking over at Yong Saeng by the stove.

“Maybe we could come up with an easier way for her to answer us. How about we make a code up for her? An easy one. Kyu Jong ah, get the calculator out. The one that have the beeping sound.”

She watch as Kyu Jong ran over to Yong Saeng’s room and came back out with a calculator in his hand.

“Hyung, here’s the calculator.”

“Put it on the counter top. Soo Min-sshi, let’s go with the code 1 as Yes and 2 as No. And if any of us asked you more than one question, you should type in 1 1 as a meaning of question one’s answer is Yes. Do you get it?” asked Yong Saeng as he came forward to the counter top and typed in 1 1 on the calculator.

‘That’s not a bad idea,’ she thought and focused her attention on her fingertip before pressing the number 1. Focusing had been easier as she practically had to ‘communicate’ with the boys all the time and it had only been a few hours with them.

Kyu Jong excitedly said as he gave a pat on Yong Saeng’s shoulder, “Hyung, that was a good idea. Soo Min-sshi seemed to get the concept too.”

“Of course it’s a good idea. I thought of it,” Yong Saeng acted like Jung Min, bragging when he got things right. The act received him laughter from Kyu Jong and her, but of course Yong Saeng didn’t know she was laughing as well.

“It’s like Jung Min, right Soo Min-sshi?”

She nodded, continued to laugh as she pressed no 1, and the laughter grew louder. It eased down a bit when the pot of ramyun went bubbly, overflowing.

The two boys sat down at the counter top, facing each other, eating their ramyun. She stood beside Yong Saeng, near the calculator, anticipating on their conversations about their own experience being on the show called Strong Heart, the same one the other three are filming at the moment.

“I wonder why Jung Min didn’t want Soo Min to follow him to the studio. Soo Min-sshi, do you have any idea why?” asked Kyu Jong, his eyes on the calculator.

She pressed 2. She too had no idea why Jung Min asked her to stay put at home. Normally Jung Min would want her to tag along.

Yong Saeng tapped his spoon on his lips repeatedly before saying out his assumption, “I think he’s worried about you, Soo Min-sshi. Television shows have a lot more people around than radio show. Since you feel uncomfortable when people past through you, he probably thought you are better off here.”

“What do you mean by 2?” asked Kyu Jong when he heard a beep from the calculator and took a peek at it.

“You wanted to go there? You don’t like him decide for you?” Yong Saeng asked, looking at the space beside him where she was assumed to be standing but he missed her for a few centimeters to the left.

“1 1 and 2 1. So, go. We won’t stop you. Not like we could do so,” laughed out Yong Saeng, looking over at Kyu Jong who gave a nod and a wide smile, agreeing to what he said.

That was her queue. She thought hard about Jung Min. The night she knew her body was dying, she had thought of Jung Min and she appeared in front of him. From that incident, she tried the same thing. ‘Think about Jung Min. Visualize his face…’

Her surroundings changed; quiet to noisy. She opened her eyes and squinted them right after, trying to adjust to the bright lighting. Her ears could hear laughter so near to her. Slowly, she opened her eyes and saw that she was standing just a little at the back behind Jung Min, very near to another girl. They were all laughing. Not wanting Jung Min to notice her, she made her way out of the stage slowly towards where the audiences were seated. She stood at the side, hoping it would be a blind spot for Jung Min.

“Okay, now, for the question, what are you afraid of the most, please took your answers out,” asked the bigger built MC to the guest artists. She searched for Jung Min but her sight landed on Hyung Jun’s, which made her laugh. ‘Ghost and the supernatural. No wonder he didn’t want to be alone with me.’

“Ah, Jung Min-sshi. Your cardboard is very weird compared to the other guests. Care to explain?”

She heard Jung Min’s name being called. She searched for him and read ‘Being useless’ was written on his cardboard.

“Well, I’m afraid of being useless. I want to be able to do everything I can and not just see from the side.”

“Has there been time that you felt like that? With SS501 perhaps?” asked the other MC.

She could see that the other guests are looking at him as well. Hyung Jun shook his head while Hyun Joong, who was seating on the first row in between Jung Min and Hyung Jun, kept quiet with his blank face on front.

Jung Min shook his head, “No. In SS501, I have yet to feel useless entirely because I am the one that keep helping these guys to climb on, even stepping over me like a ladder. I am that useful.”

His answers got laughter from the other guests, and she could see him giving them his famous smirk and even Hyung Jun playfully loathed him.

“Okay, we got that. You are the ladder they stepped on to be this successful. So, when did you feel useless?”

Jung Min’s wide smile turned down a little, “When I have to just look at my friend that is now in a coma, slipping into a worst condition. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

‘What? He’s talking about me? He felt useless? But, he had encouraged me so much to keep trying to live,’ Soo Min felt disbelieved by what she had heard.

“Oh, is this the same friend you talked about in Sukira last week?” asked a lady on the third row, someone Soo Min did not recognized.

“Juri-sshi…you knew about his friend?” asked the bigger MC.

“I heard it on Sukira.”

“Me too,” another male voice was heard from the left.

The thinner MC than looked at Jung Min and asked him to tell his friend’s story a little more.

“My friend is a police officer and was shot on duty. I just happen to know yesterday that my friend probably have a few more weeks to live. So, this is something that I really can’t help with and I felt really useless about it,” said Jung Min solemnly. The whole studio turned silent.

“Jung Min-sshi, don’t give up hope. You have to be strong for your friend and continue praying,” told a man on the far back.

Jung Min looked behind, “Brian hyung, komawo.”

“Jung Min ah, we all will pray for your friend to recover and get healthy,” told the MC, “so, let us all help Park Jung Min’s friend and have a moment of silence to pray for his friend’s recovery.”

Soo Min was struck with gratitude when she looked around and saw everyone was praying silently for her. It somehow boosted her will and hope to find a way to continue living.

“Soo Min ah, I hope you will be awake when you see this show on air,” Jung Min’s voice was heard afterwards, getting gasps and murmurs from the guests and audiences, “there’s still a lot more I want to experience with you. Please wake up.”