Dear Diary,

Rolling...

Can you see my tears,

are rolling down?

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Seungho hyung was surprised by the words that I've blurted out. It wasn't intentional. I wasn't physically and mentally prepared for any of these. This shouldn't happen to us. No, it shouldn't. But, why did it end up like this? Weren't I wanted to remain by his side? Weren't I wanted to keep this relationship going on? Or at least until my heart had left him? Weren't I... wanted him back? I was hurt. Yes, I was. I knew I was not strong enough to control myself. I fell to the devil's whispering beside my ear.

Seungho hyung looked at me with eyes wide opened, still surprised by my sudden rage until he gave me a smirk with his eyes closed. I wasn't sure what he meant by that but I was deep in guilt and fear that I couldn't move from my place. I knew how strong and powerful Seungho hyung is. I meant that his physical build was muscular (in fact he is, but not down at his abs or should I say, 1 pack abs?) that he could overthrown anyone that angered him.  Well, now, that is me.

"Leave Uee you mean? Do you understand what you are saying?"

But... what other choices I could find if not confronting him straight on? I took up my courage and tried to reason out with him but I guess, certain people just wouldn't change. I had my hopes up but now, I wasn't sure where my hope is.

" Look, Seungho hyung, She had changed you. Don't you realize that? "

"Changed me, you say? I am still me. The one that changed is not me, but you!" Seungho hyung turned away from me as his anger had took it to another level. He walked towards the door, getting ready to leave anytime soon. I bet he was really angry now but it wasn't only him that was angry.

"I changed? I am still me. You are the one that changed because of her. Look at you now. Why are we even quarreling because of her?" He stopped half way as his back faced me. I looked at him with anger. I wasn't sure what drove me into this but deep within me, that's a feeling that urged me to get an answer from him. An answer to all this. An answer... to find myself.

He turned and faced me once more as the next sentence that he uttered wasn't totally unexpected, but it stung like any other cruel words one could say.

"You had Hoya so stop budging into someone else business! You had your joy and I had mine too. Who are you to say such words to me? You aren't my lover nor my family. You are just a friend, get it. Friend and nothing else!" Seungho hyung raised his voice as loud as he could, especially emphasizing on the word "Friend"

My heart couldn't take it anymore.

"Friend? Uee must had did a very good job to you until you-" 

"Stop, Cheondung! I don't want to hear you bad-mouthing her anymore whereas you aren't anything good either"

"Hyung -"

"I said stop!" He slammed the wall hard with his bare hand. " One more time I hear any of this and that's the end of us. I meant it." He walked away with his feet stomping off the room.

I wonder how long had I stood there, facing the door that Seungho hyung was standing before this. I was in a daze. I couldn't recall anything that happened. Me in the room, dancing towards the song played in the radio. Seungho hyung came into the room and got angried by our misunderstanding. Him, slamming the door with his bare hand and stomped off out of the room. I couldn't recall anything. I couldn't...

I couldn't recall myself walking towards the corner of the room as my legs suddenly felt weak and it gave in into my weaknesses. I sat down, staring blankly at the space as I placed both of my arms on my knees.

Tears suddenly fell off my eyes, washing up my cheeks. I could even taste it in my mouth but I couldn't remember how was the taste. Salty? Sweet? That didn't matter anymore.

I tried to wipe it off my eyes but the more I wiped, the more it gushed out until I couldn't control my emotion. I sobbed, crying my heart out, drowning myself into the sea of emotions that I couldn't care much that anyone would emerged from the shadow in the narrow corridor and stepped right into the room I couldn't care much as the world that I once held dear to, had collapsed in front of my dear eyes. The hope that I once held close to, had gone, flew away some distance that my own two feet couldn't carry me. The love that I once cherished deeply in my heart, was now broken into pieces that I couldn't possibly glue them back together, like a broken glass that no matter how hard you tried to glue it back, it still leave scars on it. Words spoken couldn't possibly be taken back.

Rolling... Tears were rolling, rolling down my eyes, as though the silent pain had took over me, embraced my everything. Trembling, my fingers were trembling from the lost, that I had lose the war of the word you called "love". Gently, my eyes were gently closing, zipping up the pain I felt in my heart. I must had wanted to dream about the good times that we had. Rolling, love was flowing. I must had loved him to the point that I could sacrifice my everything, just to be with him but when you, who is cold get off my chest, I had to laugh that I didn't see anything but you, you couldn't see the pain that I felt in my heart.

"Maybe you'll come back" those words that I kept on repeating to myself, though I may seemed foolish to have such hope but I loved a happy love but when I thought about it, tears just kept rolling.

It was because... 

I love you.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=di6tQLJtfww

T-Ara's Jiyeon - Rolling (God of Study OST)