I don't know. I don't know, but I know one thing is, I love you but there is something stopping me from saying 'yes'. My feelings. I am unsure of which, or who.

As she laid her head back on the seat, she shut her eyes and took in a deep breath. Shutting out her thoughts, she focused on the surroundings sound - the snorings and stirring sounds of the other passengers, the keypads sounds in which passengers are typing, the scribbling of the pen against the creased paper - everything in the plane can be heard.

Sighing softly, and also heavily, Seohyun stared out from her windoe-seat as she gazed out into the dark and black sky, where the clouds and the stars couldn't be seen. She watched silently, as she repeated the scene in her mind again and again,, processing each and every word that he had said.

Plugging her earplugs in, she looked to her left to see two young latters sleeping soundly, and not even one of them was sitrring at all. Their breathing sounds were so quiet, as their chests moved up and down in synchronisation. She sat there, in her seat, staring at the tanned latter's features, examining and also memorising them.

The way his cheeks puffed up when he sleeped ; the way his bangs just fall perfectly above hi eyebrows, making him look even more adorable ; the way his eyelashes swayed to the breeze from the air-conditioner above ;  the way the curves of his nose and how his tip of his nose looks like ; the way his lips were pressed together, rosy and plump; everything about him was just too mesmerising to take one's gaze off.

Pressing her finger gently against his cheek, she watched as the younger latter stirred slightly before going back to his dreamland. 'Jongin-ah, how should I reply? I am confused, I am messed up.'

Seohyun removed her finger as she reached out to take out her diary. Flipping to a brand new page, she pressed her pen gently against the paper as she took in a deep breath.

25th November 2013

Dear Diary

Currently, I am in a state of confusion and puzzlement. Sitting here on the plane back to Seoul, I am thinking about something which is related to my life. The night before, along the streets of Bern, the first snow, he confessed to me about his 8 years of undying and strong love for me.

I have to give him a reply, but the thing was I don't know how to. For the past few years, I have been hurting him by just my actions. I know, I am selfish for not noticing his pain expressed on his face. I am sorry, I want to turn back time and just comfort him and make things different if I can.

For now, I don't think I have any right to say 'yes'. I don't have the right at all. After making him wait, hurting him for than 8 years, how can I just tell him 'yes' straight away? It will deepen his scar furthermore for he wasted his time on me. I am hoping that he might wake up from this love of his, to realise that I am probably the girl who doesn't suit him. Even though he was my first true love, my first love whom I really care for, whom I really want to be there for, whom I want to see him smile everyday, he was the light of my life until now.

Yes, I thought he didn't like me but just treat me as a noona as his eyes were always on her. Yes, I knew, I was that stupid little girl who thinks that Luhan was the Mr.Right among all, and never once, did I thought about considering about him. Yes, I admit, I used Luhan to forget Jongin. Yes, I deserve karma, but I ended up loving Luhan too. I stayed faithful, and drifted apart from Jongin, which is one the biggest regrets ever in my life.

Luhan, he is a gentleman, he is the perfect man for any lady but he wasn't for me. The day I knew his love for me strayed, that was the day when I told myself no matter how much it hurts, I have to move on. I have to be brave, and not collaspe because of him. I want to hate him for his despicable actions, but I can't because I love him.

Jongin. I don't know, but I have to tell him that treating him all these years wasn't fair. I love him, I do, even for the past few years. I didn't know what to do without him, and now, I am thankful for his presence. But, one thing, Jongin, am I ever ready to love you more than you love me? Are you ready to accept me who hurt you for the past years? Are we ready to begin the story of us together, as one?

I don't know, Jongin. I don't know, but I know one thing is, I love you but there is something stopping me from saying 'yes'. My feelings. I am unsure of which, or who.

-S.J

Seohyun shut her diary shut, as the tears brimmed at the corner of her eyes, threatening to fall. She was feeling guilty, and heartbroken. She wanted to do something for Jongin, she was grateful all this while for his presene beside her through her ups and downs.

"I am sorry, but I love you, Kim Jongin," she whispered before pressing her lips against Jongin's cheeks. Wiping the tear rolling down her cheek, she faced the other side and shut her eyes.

"I just don't want to make another regret, like the decision I chose, 8 years ago," she croaked softly, when the images of her and Luhan happy's memories faded back in.

As her eyes fluttered open, Seohyun blinked a few times to adjust to the beaming light bearing down on her. Looking around, it dawned on her that she had slept through the entire flight, and didn't wake up at all until this very moment, where the plane had landed in Incheon.

"Noona, you have finally woke up," a low and familiar soothing voice commented, causing Seohyun to look around. Staring at Jongin, her heart skipped a beat as she smiled warmly.

Seohyun then peered behind, and watched as her other friends groaned in tiredness as they grabbed their bags from the apartments above them. Jessica messed the younger girl's hair," Seobaby, how is your sleep? I can literally hear you snoring."

"Eonnie, I don't snore when I sleep," the young later protested, as she struggled to her feet. Just then, Sehun waved his tablet in his hand," Noona, there is good news."

Both the two girls and Jongin looked at him," There was an email from Won Geun hyung, saying he is giving us a week break and also, the branch in Switzerland sent their regards and thanks for assisting them by providing the statements and everything else."

"Great, Seo Joohyun. I am booking you for a day, alone with me as we go shopping. It is totally a girls' day outing," Jessica cheered, as she announced loudly to the rest, as her friends hissed at her for causing the other passengers to stare at her.

Taeyeon, who was sitting a few rows behind then, snapped," Jessica, maintain your image!" The latter just waved her hand, as she dragged Seohyun towards the exit, without waiting for the rest.

Seohyun was standing outside the arrival hall, where she has scanned her passport and was wiating for the rest. As she was scrolling through her phone emails, she felt somone beside her, jumping around.

She turned her head to the left, and smiled. "Jongin-ah," she smiled as the tanned latter waved his phone in the air.

"Noona, I have some good news!"

Seohyun raised her eyebrow by the sudden excitement dsiplayed, and he carried on," Krys is coming back and they are going to stay over at our house."

Just when she had made up her decision, she heard that news. Her heart fell, as she faked a smile. She then became dumb, not wanting to reply him with her answer. Because, another stupid reply of hers mean another stupid regret again in her life.

"That's good. When is she arriving?" Seohyun asked half-heartedly, when seeing the wide grin on Jongin's face. "Tomorrow, at around 12 noon. I am coming to pick her, how about you?"

Seohyun shook her head," I can't, as I am heading to the office for while."

"Really? Okay, then I will just go alone," he replied, without lifting his face up from his phone.

The older girl watched painfully, as the smile on his face grew wider. Thinking to herself quietly, she let out a heavy and shaky sigh,' Just when I want to place my heart in your hands, everything just goes wrong.'

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[ A/N ] Okay, yes, I am like supposed to be revising for my exams but who cares? xD It is Valentine's day, so wishing all of you guys a Happy Valentine's Day! May your Valentine be with you! <3

Anyway, yes, some drama events are about to start again, revolving around jealousy, anger, happiness and sadness. Such a melodrama story, so I am sorry for being such a melodramatic author :P Enjoy this chapter, where you can read and understand more in depth of Seohyun's feelings.

Have a nice week ahead! By the way, I have create a Facebook page. So support me, by liking? I will be posting like updates and my edits of certain stories or just some plain edits done by me or by my fellow chingus <3 Here is the link, so please please like, okay? /puppy eyes

https://www.facebook.com/insanegirl.14

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