When I woke up, it had to be afternoon judging by how high sun already was. I scanned my room slightly trying to recall last nights events. It wasn’t to hard considering I wasn’t allowed to drink much since accident.

His arm was still resting around me from last night, when I asked him to stay with me. I was scared to be alone, to remember about my past. I loved Suho before right? Did I only like him?  What feeling I was holding towards him before?  I was also confused in regards to person lying now in my bed next to me. We kissed last night, but I also remembered how he treated me before accident. I wasn’t sure why he visited me in hospital. Was it because of the guilt?

I turned around towards Kris, lying in the same shirt and trousers from the party. He look so calmed, relaxed and beautiful. I run my fingers through his hair slightly, however making sure, my move won’t wake him up.

Last night after the kiss I could see Exo watching us constantly, but neither of them spoken to us. Kris seemed hurt but he hid it behind smile. It’s funny how I could see behind the façade, the professional mask, he often wore. Wonder what he would say knowing that I remember. Maybe he already knew. It was the way he watched me and held my hand that made me think, he knows that my memories are back. However I didn’t get any questions when we got back to my room or when I asked him to stay with me. There was only quiet “sure” before his arms were wrapped around me and I cried myself to sleep.

Truth is I wasn’t sure why I cried in the first place. Was it because I was happy that my memories are back, confused or scared? Either way daylight calmed my heart a bit leaving me only a bit anxious.

• Morning  - I have heard suddenly and Kris’s eyes fluttered open.

My hand was still above his head but it didn’t seem to be a problem. He didn’t remove his arm from around me and just stared in my eyes probably trying to read me. I wasn’t sure how to react but looking into those dark orbits was kind of reassuring.

• Did you sleep well? – he asked.
• Yes, thanks to you – I responded before I could calculate my own words.

He smiled gently before pushing himself of the bed. I watched him as he grabbed his jacket and started to walk towards the door. Before leaving however, he turned back, came towards the bed and moved his face towards mine. Before I registered what was going on, he gently planted a kiss on my forehead.

• I will get shower and we can go have a breakfast in town, since from tomorrow we will have busy schedule.

I only nodded watching his back as he disappeared behind the door. I got myself to the bathroom as well and let hot water to clean my skin and mind. By the time I finished steam was all over the place and it seemed more like a sauna than actually bathroom.

I was aware that now as Kris’s girlfriend, even fake one, I had to dress decent when we were going out in a case his fans will spot us.  I guess skinny jeans and fitted was the right choice. I grabbed my jacket when I heard knock on the door.

Worrying fans might be somewhere nearby we have been holding hand all the way to the nearest small café. Yi Fan didn’t want to go to any posh place knowing I might feel uneasy which was funny considering I was now constantly in spotlight. It was so natural to feel his hand in my that I grow to like it and pretty much enjoyed his skin against mine.

• About yesterday…  - he started after some time-  When you….
• I remember – I sighed.

I didn’t know why I said it just like that, but I didn’t want to hold secrets from him.

• I know – was the response, as blunt as my sentence. – I could tell, feel how tense you were.

He suddenly stopped and looked at me.

• What are you planning to do? I mean with Suho and Luhan and us?  - Kris was serious.
• I don’t know – I said truthfully. My mind was a mess, I could no longer tell what I was feeling to who. – We have a deal so you don’t have to worry – I added even so I was probably more afraid he wouldn’t be next to me for some reason.
• Didn’t you like Suho? I have seen your kiss?
• To be honest I am too confused. I am trying to figure out what’s right – I said before walking into the small café.

He pulled my chair out like a gentleman and went to order to breakfast. I knew he will get exactly what I like since we spent so much time together. I was watching small plasma screen tv that happened to be not far from our table. I felt eyes on me fro few strangers, and I could swear there was one girl filming. Few minutes later Kris came back and just when he was about to sit, on the screen appeared some news from yesterday’s party.  

I was totally convinced our dramatic kiss will be all over the news but then something strange happened. I was thinking I heard wrong, that my ears were deceiving me. I checked on the boy next to me and his expression confirmed it. It was hard to believe, unexpected and totally out of the blue.

“Reports do not confirm yet why Lu Han decided to leave his former group. All we know Sm Entertainment confirmed news about the lawsuit.” I was expecting my face on the screen but instead there was face of LuHan and text underneath in Chinese that I still couldn’t read very well.

YiFan sat down next to me, clearly as shocked as I was. I knew he was worried. Would he go through the same stuff as him, will he be fine in the future? Was LuHan strong enough to go against SM? Kris pulled out his mobile and just stared blankly at the screen.

• Just text him – I said. He wanted to, it was more than obvious.
• I don’t know if I should. We didn’t spoke for over a year.
• It doesn’t matter – I said.  – You are worried about him, just ask if he is ok. You never know he might need you right now.

Kris caught my hand in his, giving me gentle squeeze before typing the message. After that we ate quietly without talking. There was no message back, no call, nothing. Looking at worried and sad Kris’s face I knew he felt rejected. However before we left the café a soft beep sounded in the pocket.

• “I am trying. It’s hard, but I guess you know the feeling. I can understand you a bit better now” – boy next to me read message aloud.

There was surprise in his face. It was the first step when someone else apart of Xiumin made an effort to talk to him. Since the major scandal of lawsuit with SM, Exo members ignored him mostly, not even hiding the fact that they were angry.

• Maybe you should meet him? Try talking to him face to face? – I offered.
• Do you think he will want to? It might be too quick for him? Maybe if I wouldn’t leave and endure a bit longer, Exo still would go strong -  I heard response.
• Kris - I looked directly in his eyes. – He needs a friend, someone who understand. You cannot be afraid now. Give him a chance, it’s good time for you both to reconcile.

I stood a bit away when he made a phone call. The person on the other line picked up and the conversation seemed going well.

• He want to meet me in half an hour – he said looking at me.
• Then go – I smiled.
• But I should spend it with you – there was guilt in his eyes.
• Why? I am your friend, who also happen to work with you so we will not miss each other.  Just go.
• I will take you back to the hotel.
• It’s ok I already texted the driver and my security is not far behind us as usual. You can go, if you want to be on time – I said.
• Thank you – he whispered before planting the lightest and more natural kiss on my lips.

When he left I stood there, on the street, confused. Kris acting was very good. Often I really felt like his girlfriend. All those actions of his were so natural and quite often put me in situation when I was lost between pretending and reality. Worst of all I was worried that my heart may just start to long for him at some point if it wasn’t yet. It was hard to figure everything out, especially now when Suho was back in the picture and it seemed Luhan may be back too, rather close if his relationship with Kris will be renewed.