Double update~ 

 

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Hyomin’s POV

            Taeyeon, Sooyoung, and I are out to buy groceries. It’s Saturday Night and none of us has plan. We want Jessica to come, but by the look of Sooyoung’s face, it’s better that we go without her. Tiffany....... well last night Taeyeon didn’t even look at her. Talking about last night, it was crazy. I never expected that Yuri is Sunny’s cousin. I understand she only wants to protect her cousin, but the way she reacted is killing me. I guess she doesn’t know that I’m not fooling around with her cousin. I won’t hurt him, ever. Sunny on the other side, told me that he would talk to her cousin. He told me not to worry. He’s actually meeting up with her right this moment. I heave a sigh. I hope he’ll give me good news.

            “Hyominnie, you okay?” Taeyeon pokes my arm. I just realize we’re already inside the supermarket.

            “Yeah, I’m okay.”

            “Don’t worry, he’s going to call you any moment now and tell you that everything’s alright.” She smiles at me and I nod my head. She entwines my arm with hers. I look at her and remember that she just got out from a loving relationship. I look back at Sooyoung who’s pushing the trolley behind us. She’s leaning lazily at it and looking around without enthusiasm. She also has this problem with Jessica already moving on with another girl. All of us are not in a good state at the moment.

            I nudge Taeyeon’s arm and whisper to her, “You think we need to talk to her? She looks so sad.”

            She looks behind us, Sooyoung is holding random thing, pretending to read the label on it, but we know her mind is somewhere else.

            “Yeah, we should sit down and talk after this.”

            After we buy all the necessities, we sit down on an Ice Cream Parlor not far from the supermarket. 

            “So, how are you guys doing?” Taeyeon opens the conversation and looks at Sooyoung. I look at her too.

            “Uh... fine?” she answers while playing with the spoon. I guess she won’t tell us directly.

            “Well, I’m not. Yuri clearly hates me now.” Somehow Sooyoung tenses up hearing Yuri’s name.

            “She doesn’t hate you. She doesn’t know that you’re serious with her cousin. She’s just trying to protect him. She’s older than him, so she must feel responsible of him in some way.” 

            “What if I date YOUR sister?”

            “What?! NO WAY! She’s in elementary school! She’s waaaay too young. She’s still a baby. My baby! Are you nuts?!”

            “That’s exactly my point, doesn’t older siblings always look at their younger siblings as if they’re still babies? Even if Yuri knows I’m serious with Sunny, she would always think that I’m not a compatible girlfriend for him.”

            “Yuri is a rational person, Hyominnie. She’ll come to her senses soon enough.”

            “I hope so.”

            “Just don’t lose hope and don’t give up.” Taeyeon pats my arm. All this while, Sooyoung stays quiet. She just smiles at me, encouraging me I think.

            “How about you, Tae? You’re not giving up on Tiffany already, right?”

            “No. But I need some time to think.”

            “Oh wait, why did you and Tiffany broke up?” Sooyoung asks.

            Taeyeon looks reluctant. I guess it still hurts if she’s the one who said it. So I took the initiative to answer Sooyoung instead. 

            “Well, Tiffany doesn’t want what happened to Yuri and Jessica happen to them. So... she decided to end it.”

            “What? Tiffany thinks that Taeyeon doesn’t love her anymore?” Sooyoung looks as confused as ever.

            “Huh? I still love her, Soo. What are you talking about?” Now Taeyeon also looks confused.

            “Wait, wait. Sooyoung-ah, do you know what really happened to Yuri and Jessica?”

            “Yes. Yuri told Jessica that she doesn’t love her anymore, that her feelings for her has changed.” She’s clueless. I just remember that she sticks with Jessica like glue, we don’t have a chance to tell her what really happen.

            Taeyeon and I look at each other. This is going to be a long explanation. So we take turns in telling her what really happened to Yuri and how her circumstances affected Tiffany’s decision to break up with Taeyeon. She looks shock as we tell the story. When we finish telling her, she’s rigid.

            “I’m such a bad person.” Finally she says something and covers her face with her hands.

            Again, Taeyeon and I look at each other, not knowing why she thinks she’s a bad person. Before we could react, Sooyoung’s shoulder starts to quiver. Is she crying?

            “Hey, hey, Sooyoung-ah, are you okay?” Taeyeon scoots near her and hugs her.

            After some time, she stops crying and put her hands down, uncovering her red eyes and drench face. I grab some tissue and wipe her face.

            “I....I met Yuri last night and I... I.... I call her a .”

            “WHAT?!”

            “I didn’t know the real reason why she broke up! I just see how painful it is for Jessica.” She looks guilty and sad at the same time, “and.... and.... it pains me too, seeing someone you love is hurting like that!”    

            Finally, she let it out in the open. She’s not in denial anymore.

            “You love Jessica?”

            She looks surprised. She just realizes what she revealed to us by her statement. She nods slowly and looks down, unable to look straight to our eyes. Slowly she peeks to look at us, but we remain calm, because (of course!) we know about her feelings toward Jessica.

            “You guys knew already, didn’t you?”

            “You’re pretty obvious, Soo.” Taeyeon snickers.

            “We knew even before you realize it yourself.”

            Her face turns red.

            “Have you told Jessica about it?”

            She shakes her head. Her eyes turn misty again. She tells us Jessica rejected her date because she still loves Yuri. She has no hope and cries again.       

            There’s nothing we can do unless to calm Sooyoung down. She asks to stay there for a while because she doesn’t want Jessica to see her in that state. She’s no longer crying but her eyes are still evident enough for people to know that she just cried her eyes out. So we decide to stay for a little bit longer. I divert the topic to Taeyeon.

            “So.... how about you, Tae? How are you coping up?”

            Taeyeon heaves a sigh, “I don’t know.”

            “But you still love her, right?”

            A scoff, “You think?” sarcastic answer right there. Suddenly her cell phone starts ringing. She looks at the ID and answers it. I look at my own cell phone. Why he hasn’t called me yet?

            “Hi mom. I’m with Hyomin and Sooyoung at the moment.”

            Sooyoung and me got nothing to do other than paying attention to Taeyeon’s conversation with her mom.

            “At home.” Her mom must be asking about Tiffany and Jessica.

            “I don’t know.” Hmm? Is she asking about Yuri? But Taeyeon knows Yuri’s whereabout. Her expression starts to look solemn.

            “We’re fine, mom.” Well I lost in their conversation. I don’t know what they’re talking about. I check my cell phone again, hoping it will ring soon.   

            “Okay mom. Bye.” Finally she hangs up her cell phone. Again, she heaves a sigh.

            “You don’t look good, Tae. Everything’s fine with your mom?”

            “Yeah, it’s nothing. Soo, you’re ready to go home? It’s getting kind of late.” Taeyeon asks Sooyoung while looking at her watch. She rubs Sooyoung’s arm in a soothing manner.

            “Yep, I’m okay. Thanks guys.” She’s giving us an apology smile.

            “Don’t mention it, Soo.”

            “Let’s go home.”

            We spent our Saturday Night just like that.    

 

           

 

Tiffany’s POV

            I slam the door behind me and burst into tears. I sit on my bed and let it all out. Why am I even crying right now? Is it because her accusation over the reason I broke up? Or is it because her endless rant about Yuri? But as I think about it again, Yuri did hurt her. She doesn’t know Yul’s reason behind it AND I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO TELL HER!

            Oh my God, this is so messed up. Yuri is going to kill me. My tears have stopped and I curl myself on the bed. What should I do? Should I tell Yuri that Jessica knew? At times like this I badly need Taeyeon. She would know what to do. Because that stupid fight with Jessica, I’m beginning to think, did I hurt Taeyeon that bad? But I did it because I love her.

            I don’t want to put her in such agonizing position, having to choose between her family and me. And yes, I have this little doubt about whether she has the courage to tell her family or not. But in the end, I just don’t want to burden her about the matter. We already knew where her mom stands about the same-gender relationship. So why should we go through that? It’s better if we end it now, before she really state her opinion and against our relationship, isn’t it? To sum it up, some things are better left unsaid, right?

            I keep thinking about it over and over again. It makes me miss her so bad. Is it better if we’re still together? So I won’t think about this by myself? No, no, no. I have to be strong. I’m doing this because I want her to be happy. Family means everything. She loves her family so much. I can’t take her away from them. Family is what matters.

            Suddenly I hear the door open, I instantly jerk my head up to see who is it.

            “Hi.” It’s Yuri. Rush of guilt course through me again. Should I tell her now that Jessica knew about the whole thing?  

            “Hey.” What to do? But she has so many things on her hands right now. She’s an emotion roller coaster since last night, with her cousin dating the so-called-campus-heartbreaker and Jessica moving on from her already.

            She grabs her toiletries and goes to the bathroom.        

            I don’t think I should tell her now. I rest my head on the pillow and stares at the ceiling, waiting for her to finish.

            After some time, she comes out from the bathroom looking fresh.

            “Yuri-ah, where have you been today?”

            She sits on her bed, “I met up with Soonkyu.”

            “You did?”

            “Yeah.”

            “So what do you think?”

            “Is she really serious with my Soonkyu?”

            “I think Hyomin is not playing around this time, Yul. She’s really different. I think she loves him.”

            Yuri thinks for a moment, “You think so?”

            “Yep. Well you’re not really around to witness how different Hyomin is since she’s with him. I never saw her like this before. She’s definitely falling for him. And now, knowing that he’s your cousin, I don’t think she would harm him in any way. She’s no longer the campus heartbreaker, Yul.”

            “People can change that easily?”

            “If it’s for the better, yes they can.”     

            She’s quiet again.

            “Then why my feelings for her hasn’t change a bit? Even after avoiding her for so long, I still love her. I still miss her like crazy.....” she says it very softly. I look at her and she looks down on her lap. She’s no longer talking about Hyomin, isn’t she?

            “And why her feelings for me hasn’t change? Why she still loves me? After all those mean words I said to her, why she still loves me?” She’s talking about Jessica. Wait, how does she know that Jessica still love her? But isn’t Jessica has move on already?

            “How do you know Jessica still loves you?”

            She told me her encounter with Sooyoung last night.

            “That’s a whole different thing, Yul.” She looks at me, waiting for me to explain more. I know exactly how she feels. But I don’t know what to say. We both still love our ex. Because of a valid reason, we broke up with them. But that don’t change the fact that we still love them.

­­­­Games, changes and fears

When will they go from here

When will they stop

I believe that fate has brought us here

And we should be together babe

But we're not

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you

And I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin'

 

I try to say goodbye and I choke

Try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not here

Goodbye and I choke

I try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

My world crumbles when you are not here

 

 

I Try by Macy Gray