Chorong’s diary

This sounds pitiful but yes it is pitiful, my life is pitiful. Can you imagine how shattered I am? I am torn, broken, wrecked and nobody thinks the same. They may think that I am overreacting but I am not. They didn’t know how it feels; they only know how to speak, bad-mouthing and gossiping without knowing the truth. They didn’t know that I am scared.

I am scared that I can’t living a life and go on. They said to let it go and think positively, but they didn’t even feel it. I am the one feeling it and I should be the one who ragging and telling everybody that I am shattered. Well, I’m sorry that I’m being this pitiful and seem stupid, but yes I am.

I didn’t know which way I should take after he leaves me, I have no directions, and I am lost.

I didn’t know if I can breathe properly because it’s hurt to breathe, I can’t breathing freely if I didn’t know where in the world he stands right now? I didn’t even know whether he alive or not…….

He was supposed to stand beside me, walking sides to sides with our fingers intertwined on each other. We supposed holding hands, walking down the road we choose together, tightly. But that’s only on my imagination, only coming into my imagination that we walk side to side.

The truth he leaving me is searing me inside, as if somebody took my heart and squished it as hard as they can until I cannot breath. I am losing the half of my life and he didn’t even care. It’s been months he leaving me in questions. What’s he doing right now? Is he thinking about me the way I thinking about him?

I let myself crying out loud for him, leaving all the suppression that I felt because of him and still, he didn’t even let me know about his whereabouts and what’s the reason for him leaving me like this? Even my tears already dried because of its non-stop releases ever since he left me…..

Everything seems surreal, there are sides of me telling that I should move on and leaving him behind because he didn’t even care about me, but there are little piece of me telling that I should stay and wait for him but that probably caused me more pain. I can’t hold in anymore……

The wings that helped me to fly and happy is no longer around me. Here I am, shattered and broken.

One year later

Chorong fixing her clothes as rearranges her things inside her bag. Today is finally the day of her entering university and become a college student. Medical student, underlined. She grinned to see her reflections and put on her headband, one of her timeless favorite thing. She fixes her hair, touched it and walks toward her door.

Every day is a brand new day; brand new day is a gift.

She kept telling herself those phrases. She is living a blissful life and supposed to thank for it and live to the fullest. She won’t coming back into her old self, the one when she pitied herself the most, where she locked herself, restraining from daily activities even skipping meals.

As the day coming with every new start, she should have a better life where she deserves.

She looks her wristwatch and running down the st