Sunny

I put my earphones on.

I set the volume to the loudest possible.

I am walking my way back to the dorm. No, people won’t recognize me. Because my cheerful face and my gloomy face is way too far from each other. I myself couldn’t even imagine how good I was at pretending. Pretending to be the adorable, cheerful, aegyo queen of SNSD. But behind those pretentious masks are the real faces of sadness.

I have never been so sad all my life. Yes, I’ve been involved in fights when I was in high school. I have experienced being bullied by once you’ve called friends. I could remember in the past that I was an outsider in the group. But nothing hurts more than this. This is so different.

It was so painful.

“Uncle? You called for me?” I said as I closed the door of his office.

“Ah, yes, Soonkyu…” He smiled at me. “Take a seat.”

I sat down in front of his table. “Uncle, what do you want to talk about?” I asked.

“Nothing serious, actually. Can be prevented as of now.” He told me.

“Did I do something wrong? Would I get punished? Am I not part of SNSD anymore?” I asked.

“No, my dear.” He said as he took an envelope from his drawers. “Open the envelope.”

I opened the envelope and I was shocked at what I saw. Inside the envelopes were five photos. All of the photos included two people. In each of the photo, one can see that the two people admire each other. On one photo they are isolated from the group, smiling next to each other. On the second, they were holding hands as they walk along the corridors of SM building. On the third and fourth photo, they were walking together while talking happily to each other. On the fifth photo, they were kissing in the practice room. The two people in the photos were Kris and I.

“Mind explaining them to me, honey?”

“Uncle. I…”

“Do you know the SOP#19 of being an SM Idol, my dear?”

“Yes, uncle.”

“I want you to break up.”

“Uncle, I can explain.”

“The boy’s got a talent. You’ve got a talent. But you are going to be an SNSD member. I can’t punish you. He would be such a waste, you know.”

“What are you saying?”

“If you’ll continue your relationship, I’m afraid the boy won’t debut.”

“You would destroy his dream?!”

“If I must. You should choose, honey. It’s for the good of both of you.”

I hate him. Lee ing Soo Man.

He is the reason why we can’t be together, Kris. I know how much you wanted to debut. I know how much you wanted to achieve your dreams. You’ve got the determination I didn’t have. For you to achieve that dream of yours, we must sacrifice things. Life can’t be full of ups. Sometimes there should be downs. Because if not, life would be meaningless.

It must hurt a lot for him. Because I am hurting a lot more than I could ever imagined. How much more if you don’t know the reason behind everything? Tears ran down ever so freely from my eyes. Right now, I just wanted to die. I can’t take this all any longer. I wish. Right now, as I am crossing this road. A car would just bump me out of nowhere. I am halfway the road. But there is nothing. Oh, how unfortunate I am! I stopped on my tracks. Hoping God would answer me.

Ten… Nine… Eight… Seven… Six… I counted in my head. I closed my eyes. And prayed harder. Five… Four… Three… Two… I opened my eyes, knowing that God would not answer me at all.

Until I saw my shadow move. I turned my head to see a blinding light.

n/a: now let's all kill lee soo man! just kidding~