I was awakened by the rays of sun that touched my skin. I opened my eyes, seeing not the usual Girls’ Generation chaos in the morning. But it was kind of a beautiful morning. I stood up from my bed, scanning the area. Taeyeon was not around. Maybe the girls are already awake. I made the bed before leaving the room.

     They were watching the television. Some were cooking breakfast. Some were just reading magazines. I sat down with Hyoyeon in the television. It was a lazy day today… And that reminds me that this day is a free day for us. No schedules… Just pure free day… I have no plans… But something tells me that I want to go out today.

     After our breakfast, I took a quick shower and dressed a comfortable jeans and shirt. I packed some extra t-shirts and shorts. Just in case. I also packed a bottle of juice. And a tuna sandwich. I went to the SM Building. Since the girls don’t want to come with me, I went there alone. I went to my usual spot. My favourite practice room in the 6^th floor.

     It has been my favourite since the beginning of time. Not long ago, I remembered myself dancing with this guy in my dreams.

     I connected my MP3 with the speakers and started dancing to the beat. I missed dancing. I have never danced like this for a long, long, time. My specialty has been cutesy acts and aegyo. But the public never saw me dancing so powerful. I missed dancing with so much power. People see me as the cute, bubbly, and happy Sunny all the time.

     Sometimes I think I wanted to quit being an idol. Yes, it was fun. But I am missing something. Maybe it’s because of the box that I need to fit in. The box that states that you should be this, not that. It kind of pains me because I feel that I’m incomplete. Sometimes I think what if I had gone to college? I would not be the Lee Sunny of Girls’ Generation. On the brighter side, I can be whatever I want. But the feeling of wanting and longing to be an idol will surely come.

     I stopped dancing for a moment. I felt the needs of my stomach. I went to my bag and ate the sandwich. Unfortunately, my stomach wanted more. I went to the canteen downstairs. Much to my luck, the whole of EXO was just taking a break there. My eyes were automatically glued to him. As if on cue, he stood up and was about to exit the canteen when I was just entering.

     Our eyes locked for what seemed like forever. He couldn’t exit, I couldn’t enter. We were frozen in our places. We are too close to each other right now. Right now, I only wanted to pull him closer and kiss him like we used to. I wanted to grab him if only not for the scene we’re in. We held our gazes for three seconds. I wanted more, but we can’t. He dropped my gaze and moved backwards for me to enter the canteen.

     “Soon-S-Sunny s-sunbae… Annyeong haseyo.” He spoke almost inaudibly.

     “Annyeong!” I said in my usual cheerful tone.

     As much as I wanted him to stay longer, life is so cruel to me. Some EXO members noticed me and they stood up from their tables and greeted me. I was then bombarded with a lot of good mornings and I didn’t even have the chance to talk to him more. He got away.

     I sighed as I stared at the sandwich I bought. The EXO boys were just on the next table. Unfortunately, Kris is not there. Kris… It’s been a long time since I saw you face to face. It’s also been quite some time when I last spoke his name. Kris. What a peculiar name! Wu Yi Fan… You have been so close yet too far. You are that impossible dream.

     “Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to the speaker and found Luhan. He’s smiling to me like he always did. He’s such a sweet boy. If I hadn’t met Kris sooner, I would certainly be attracted to this guy. He looks so squishy and cute, he looks like the maknae but he’s one of the oldest in EXO. Even though he’s one of the oldest, he is still younger than me.

     “Not a chance.” I smiled him as he sat in front of me. I turned around and saw the other EXO boys just leaving the canteen.

     “Why are you here? Don’t you have schedules right now?” he asked.

     “I wouldn’t be here if I have schedules. Haha! You?”

     “We’re preparing for our comeback. Hey, when will be your comeback?”

     “We are currently focusing more on Japanese promotions. But I think we will come back next year… Why?”

     “Nothing… You saw Kris, right? Did you talk?”

     “No… We have nothing to tell each other. Why?”

     “Nothing… Haha! You wanna see us practice?”

     “Yeah, sure.”

     When I finished my sandwich, Luhan and I went upstairs to their practice room. I missed these boys. Their new concept was really awesome. I’m sure that when they comeback, people would love it. It was hard to look at Kris when he’s in front. It felt kind of awkward since the EXO boys knew that Kris and I broke up. When EXO-K and EXO-M took turns, I would be hanging out with Luhan or Lay or Xiumin or all of s, but never with him.

     Soon they finished practicing for the day. I bid the boys good-bye and good luck. I went back to my practice room since I left my belongings there. When I got there, no one was around. Thank goodness, no one took my things. I went to the comfort room to change to my extra t-shirt and shorts. When I got back to the practice room, I saw Kris standing there, all freshen up.

     My heart was racing. Why is he in here? I merely smiled to him as I bowed when he saw me. He bowed, too. I proceeded on gathering my things. I stood up, not looking at him, and I was about to leave when he got hold of my arm.

     “Soonkyu.” He said. Oh, how I missed his voice say my name! It’s never been so sweet to hear.

     “Yes?” I turned around to face him. I smiled at him. He had this face on since they debuted. But this face is just the same face that captured my heart from the very beginning. Those same features, only with a hint of sadness.

     “How are you?” he asked.

     “Oh. I’m fine. Never better.” I lied. I faked my smiles. I looked at him as if everything’s all right. But all I felt was pain because it’s been a long time since I last stood up to him so close.

     “That’s good… Have you-”

     “-moved on?” I cut him. He was clearly taken aback from what I said. “Of course…” My voice trailed off. I haven’t got the chance to say of course not.

     “That’s… really good.” He said, smiling a little. “Are you and Luhan close?”

     “Luhan?” I was puzzled. Why would Luhan be involved in us? “Yeah… We’re friends. Why?”

     “He likes you.”

     “Yes, I know.”

     “Do you like him, too?”

     “You’re not jealous, are you?”

     “No, of course not.”

     Our conversation stopped with that. But we just stood there, gazing at each other. He is still holding my hand. Are we thinking the same? Why is this happening? We’re so close to each other right now… We’re talking, finally. With only little words as possible. But, those words… Means a lot.

     “You didn’t answer my question. Do you like him?” he broke the silence between us.

     “I like him… But it’s not enough to surpass how much I liked this certain person.” Words came out of my mouth instantaneously. I wanted to take back what I said. Because I haven’t really moved on.

     Tears started forming in my eyes when I turned around. I got away from his grasp and walked away from him. I brushed the tears that’s about to fall while I’m walking. I put on my Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses before exiting the SM Building.

     No, I don’t want to go to the dorm yet. I walked to the Han River. The sun is just about to set. I let my tears flow down restlessly as the sun sets. I rested along the railings of the bridge. Why am I even crying? He is just a boy, Sunny. He is too young for you. He is out of your league. He will just break your heart over and over again.

     The way he talked to me a while ago… He’s really comfortable casually talking to me. He even said that it’s good that I had moved on. He even involved Luhan in our talk. Is he giving me to Luhan already? Is he giving me away? Tch. He is not even jealous. And the way he smiles… As if nothing happened.

     My phone suddenly rang.

     “Yoboseyo?” I asked.

     “Noona? This is me, Luhan. I went to your dorm but you’re not there. Where are you?” Luhan’s voice said on the phone.

     “Why are you even there?” I spat.

     “Noona? Were you crying? Where are you?” he asked through the phone.

     I ended the phone call and turned it off. I kept the phone away and stared at the setting sun. Why is life so cruel to me? I will stay here longer… Because Luhan is looking for me. I guess I don’t want to see him right now. To think that he likes me and Kris approves of it?

     I stared at the beautiful sun, being reunited with the sea. It’s so beautiful. But this side of the sun is so sad. It’s quiet. And sad. It just adds to the pain and sadness that I am feeling right now. This is the other side of Sunny...