Kris

I was woken up by my alarm clock. My roommate Kai, formerly known as Jong-in was already in his training outfit as soon as I got up. Then that was when I realized that today is the judgement day! Lee Soo Man is actually going to watch the dance battle between the boys and the girls from our class! . I am clearly not in a good condition.

“Kris, you should hurry up! I just got the news that some of our sunbaes will watch us.” Kai said.

“Eh? Wae?!”

“I don’t know, but don’t you think that it is kind of frightening? Our sunbaes who already debuted will watch us! This is so much pressure.” He said.

“Yeah… You should go there now. Don’t wait for me any longer. I will hurry up. Don’t worry.”

“Make sure, okay? You don’t want to be late.”

Kai left and I hurried up. As soon as I got to our practice room, some of the other trainees were crowding up outside. I had to get in the hard way. When I got in, the first person I saw was her. . How could I do this properly while she is watching me? We still have an hour left to prepare, talk with our groupmates, and to fix everything else. I scanned the environment around. The girls were also nervous. Our sunbaes present along with Lee Soo Man were BoA, DBSK’s Jaejoong and Changmin, SJ’s Leeteuk, Eunhyuk, Donghae, and Sungmin. SNSD’s Taeyeon, Jessica, Hyoyeon, and her.

The first group to perform were the girls. I can feel the tension they’re feeling. Sulli’s voice even faltered and Victoria made a lot of mistakes in the dance. I hope we will do well. But in our case, each of us had to do best. I figured out that our sunbaes also judges us. How can I do this with her eyes gazing at me?

Soon it was our turn. All of my body is shaking. I might do something wrong. And I swear I did something wrong somewhere in my part. But in overall our performance was good. I can tell we did better than the girls. But of course, we never know.

“We have come to a unanimous decision. The boys will debut this year and the girls will debut in 2009. Congratulations, my boys. My girls, you had to work a little harder this time.” Lee Soo Man told us. We received a round of applause from the sunbaes and the instructors and the other trainees. He continued, “But of course, we must choose between these 7 boys. Only 5 shall debut this year. The other 2 must stay behind. I will entrust the decision to your sunbaes.”

Our sunbaes came into a vote. They will vote about the 2 trainees that will be left behind. Of course I am expecting that I will be left behind. Totally, I was not in my best condition. I did something wrong in my part. Obviously, I failed maintaining eye contact with the audience. I know Soonkyu didn’t love me anymore, so add a vote to me. Besides, I barely know my sunbaes. They barely know me. So good luck to me.

BoA sunbae came in front and said, “We came to a decision. Members Onew, Jonghyun, Taemin, Key, and Minho will debut this year. Kai and Kris, better luck next time!”

Everyone gave rounds of applause to the five lucky winners. While Kai and I got loads of words of encouragement. Soon the practice room was empty and I was the last to exit the room.

As soon as I closed the door, I saw her. Waiting for me.

Sunny

“Kris.” I tried to stop him but he continued walking. I ran up to him and grabbed his arm. “Kris, please, let us talk.” He stopped walking and I let go of his arm.

“Speak.” He told me in English. And my heart shattered into pieces. His voice is so cold and he didn’t even face me. Plus. He spoke to me in English. Which I prohibited in the past.

“I.. I wanted to tell you that you did a great job. You must be pretty upset and I—“ I said in Korean.

“I don’t need your words of encouragement.” He told me in straight English. “Proceed.”

“Why are you like this to me?” I said in Korean.

“Is that all? You should hurry up; your boyfriend’s waiting for you.” He spoke in English.

“Yah! Why don’t you face me?!” I told him in English.

And I was surprised because he hugged me. He hugged me so tight. He hugged me like there’s no tomorrow. And I missed this. I wish this would last forever.

“I couldn’t face you. Because if I face you, I will only want to hug you like this forever. I still love you, Soonkyu. And I am sorry. I know you have a boyfriend right now but that won’t stop me from loving you.” He said in Korean.

“Kris.” Tears started rolling down my cheeks. Sungmin is not my boyfriend, Kris. But I think it will be better off that way. For your sake.

“I never had another girlfriend since you’ve been gone. You’re the only one in my heart. Sulli… is just my friend. I was only carried away when Sungmin sunbae said that you’re together... Soonkyu, I was glad you still cared about me even though you don’t love me anymore… I am sorry for violating you right now, but I can’t help it…. I love you Soonkyu. I really do…” Then he let go of me.

His eyes were also red with tears.

“Kris…” I love you too. I wanted to tell you so many things, but I can’t. “Good luck! And. I am sorry. Because I didn’t wait for you.”

“It’s all right. I can’t even compare to your boyfriend. Sungmin sunbae is perfect for you.”

His words were full of bitterness but it still stung me. I can’t imagine he’s giving me away now. He says he still loves me but he lets me go. I must have hurt him really bad. He had no idea how much I wanted to see him. How much I wanted to hear his voice. Now he is here. Everything’s happening. But everything’s so sad.

“Oh, Sungmin oppa takes care of me very well. Yeah, he is perfect. You shouldn’t worry about anything.” I tried to speak with sarcasm. But I guess my voice left me.

“Funny you couldn’t even call me oppa, noona.” He smiled a little. But there is still bitterness. “You should forget me. We’re not made for each other.”

a/n: I know you guys are ready to kill me now. TT^TT
anyway, please vote for EXO and SNSD for #MAMA! :')