SHIN DONGHO, You Liar..

I just keep on writing it all night on my notepad. I couldn't sleep. I don't have the appetite to eat. I don't want to see nor to talk to anyone. I refused to answer any phone call. I get myself miserable. I cried gallons of tears every night, and for a moment.. I don't know myself.

"Hee Young.. honey, you should eat or your fever... Haay.. Please you need to get better.." my umma pleaded.

"I'm not hungry. I'm fine, really umma.. Nothing to worry about. I'm just a little sick but I will get better after resting." I said as I lay down and turned my back to her.

"Yeah, you better rest. I'll leave the food here. Call me out if you want anything. Hm?"

"Hmmm." I answered without opening my mouth and she finally left.

I'm pretty sure my umma is aware on what crazy thing I'm into now. I want to get well, I want to be cheerful and laugh again, but I cannot. Not now. Not this time that my heart is still in pain. How cruel this love could be? I was a girl who knows nothing about love.. and learned how to understand its meaning, and how it fast came to me was as fast as it turned me down. What? What words in the world can heal me now?

Hoon gave me a paper when we arrived at home from Shin's house. He said Dongho asked him to give it to me and tell me I should take care of myself. Pabo. He's so stupid.

"Hee Young,

Sorry I cannot say goodbye to you personally for the last time. I don't want to leave, but I need to. 
I'll comeback, please wait for me.

I love you.

- Shin Dongho :("

Reading his letter is giving me more reason to cry. I'm trying to hate him more than I do, and at the same time, trying to understand his situation. I don't want to hate him, either. I cannot hate someone I love.

"I LOVE YOU" these words I held back for not knowing its true sense until he made me feel that way, did I tell him I do? I want to tell him how much I love him.. Why did he leave without making me say these words to him? But then, it's not his choice.

***

In a week, I couldn't believe I let myself to be more miserable. I undergo to the grief process. I blame him, I get frustrated, helpless, struggle to find the meaning of what's happening and miraculously return to my meaningful life. In a month until the vacation finished, I convinced myself that he'll comeback. That he'll come back to me.

.....

Today will be the first day for another semester. Everyone's back with an optimistic outlook.. like me, eh? Even though I received nothing but one e-mail from Dongho, telling me how much he's missing me and how the people there are very different, I didn't let myself to feel down again. I would always check my e-mail, wait for his call and sending him and I miss you in his e-mail.

I tried my hardest to accept the circumstances, although at times, it's making my head explode. It's so depressing to be depressed, so I chose not to, anymore. I guess?

"Hee Young?"

"Oh, Minmi! Yah~ I missed you! See you in a minute.. I'm off to school!" I opened our gate to find her car.

"Omo!" she hang up and someone opened the car for me. "Yo! Come on and I'm giving you a ride!" I chuckled. Such a childish yet sweet act.

I know why MinMi's doing this. She knew, of course, she's my best friend. And I can bet my life if Jung Min doesn't know about what happened. They are Dongho's friends, after all.

"It feels like yesterday was the start of our vacation, and now we are back?" Minmi mumbled as she comfortably sat beside me.

"Why that Jung Min taking years to be here?" she asked and I didn't care not to give her a reply. I was too busy with the thought of "what if Dongho's with us". It's been a month and a half since I last saw him. And I miss him so much.

"Why are you so quiet?" Minmi's tap on my shoulder distracted me.

"Hmm?"

"Oh Hee Young~ I can tell.. You know what, you should just-"

"Ya! Ya! Ya! The prince of soccer is here. Missed me?" Oh here comes Jung Min.

"Who said that? You are still a feeler." Minmi mockingly said while rolling her eyes to Jung Min.

"And you and your bad temper is still annoying.. Psch! Oohh.. Hee Young! How are you? How's vacation?" He asked when realizes I was actually watching them both. I can tell how he regretted his last question though, and how I can assure that MinMi gave him a light kick under the table.

"No! I mean.." Jung Min was out of words to defend himself.

"It's okay. It was kinda dreadful and I missed you so much guys." I smile weakly. "How's your training?" I asked.

"Fine. Very fine. They were all nice and playful. Learned a lot with everyday's practice and sort of new tricks."

"Sounds good. I would love to cheer for you on your first official game. Part of team now?"

"Yeah, I guess? They liked me and my moves!" Jung Min stood up on a chair and do some moves.

"You better stop what you are doing now or I'm gonna throw you and that chair outside!" Minmi blurted out and I laughed. They looked at me, horrified.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"Hee Young~ah.." Minmi called out like I'm a person about to die.

*RINGGGGGGGGG.

As the sound of the bell ring distracted us, Jung Min lent a handkerchief to me before sitting down on his chair behind me. I wondered why and stupidly noticed I was actually crying. Wtf? My eyes widened in amusement. Well, wasn't that amazing? I shed tears without me knowing. Shameful stupid girl.

I wipe the tears away before the teacher came inside. Was this an effect of me crying for almost a month? Am I too numb to feel my own tears flowing from my eyes? I was laughing.. right? Maybe I was just too happy. Or not.

"Don't lie." there was this voice of argument again. Don't lie to yourself Hee Young, Don't.

I miss my fights with Dongho. I miss throwing such filthy words over him, and him making me all annoyed and hysterically laugh at the same time.

I miss his scary stares when I look behind to check out on him and Jung Min. He'll even kick my chair under his table to just give me his signature smirk.

I want to cry again. I want to scream "I miss you pabo~ah! Comeback be here!" how could I?

I tried my best to hold back the tears that was giving me a warning, that if I'll not hold it back- I will not stop crying when the class is still not actually starting. No. That's gonna be absurd.

I calmed myself down until Mr. Kim came in and started the class. He called out for everyone's name and apologetically announced that Dongho's not going to enroll for this semester. He said he's in America now. Nothing more, nothing less.

I was staring the whole time on whoever was in the front saying words I couldn't bother to fathom. I was too busy with my cloud of thoughts again. When finally the bell rang, indicating us that it's now time to go home. Yes! I can't no longer wait to go home!

"Hey girls. How about you come with me? I'm gonna get a quick visit in HQ." Jung Min asked, blocking our way to exit.

"HQ?" I asked.

"Ahh.. Headquarter." He said and held my hand tightly like I'm going to run anytime. But I was actually planning to.

"Hey I better go home now.." I muttered.

"No turning back! Let's go and see the hyungs." Hah! I didn't even say yes. How could this guy just hold my hand like this? If Dongho's here, he'll give Jung Min a nice punch. The thought is hilarious.. but then he's not here anymore.

You shouldn’t miss someone who’s not missing you, right? Right. Right…

I'll post the next chapter tomorrow :)
I just need to post this part, just so y'know I'm back on updating!
Sorry it took me lots of time to comeback though, hehe.

I hope you guys will still support me! Thanks You :)