AN: HI! ^^~

My breath was caught up in my throat, I couldn't breath properly. I woke up in the middle of the night again because of another nightmare. My psychiatrist told me that my nightmares are brought by the depression I am currently experiencing. For months since I went back to Paris I have been seeing Doctor Yoon. Seunghyun referred him to me and I don't know how in the world did she manage to find a doctor in an instant. I came back ahead of her but when she arrived here she immediately set an appointment for me, to meet Doctor Yoon. It was a part of our plan to see a specialist because it was highly suggested by the doctor who took care of me when I cut myself. Sure that doctor thought I already lost it, well I cannot blame her since no pregnant woman in the right mind will do what I did. I needed help and I needed to run away. Maybe, just maybe I did the right thing. I hope I did because I don't want to have any regrets.

“You okay?” a heard a faint whisper at my door followed by the sound of the door cracking open. Seunghyun slowly entered my room and sat beside me. “I heard you.... so I came to check on you. Are you all right?” she asked.

“Yeah. Just another round of this sickening nightmare.” I uttered.

Come to think of it, even though I have been seeing a psychiatrist for almost half a year now these nightmares are still haunting me. Maybe it's my conscience, I don't know.

“You want me to call Jaehyun?” Seunghyun worriedly looked at me. I shook my head. I don't want to worry her but I don't want to disturb Doctor Yoon as well. “I'll be fine.” a gave her a reassuring smile.

In the end she stayed with me. I watched her sleep to keep myself from dosing off but unconsciously I entrapped myself in a reverie, my own train of ifs.

Nothing like this will happen in the first place if I have thrown away every hatred I have for Kyuhyun, if I didn't go back to Korea and if I didn't use Donghae oppa to get back on Kyuhyun. It's all my fault, I am aware of that but I can't help myself to wish that somehow there is a way to go back and prevent this things from happening. I must be going crazy.

But out of all the 'IFS', the most trivial one that's been bugging me is...

What if I stayed when Kyuhyun asked me to? Could we really start all over again? Could we be the same just like in the past? Could he really love me unconditionally? Could he forget what I did to him, to Donghae oppa and to the baby, our baby?

* * *

Seunghyun drove me to Doctor Yoon's clinic. I actually told her that I'll be fine by myself but she insisted, telling me that the clinic is on her way. I just agreed because I really don't have any other o