Chapter 7: Random living

Lifetime-Kris Allen

School has finally begun. I wonder whether one would truly classify this as school. My eyes shifted around. Here I am, sitting at my assigned beanbag. Yes I’m on a beanbag. No desk, no table. Just ten people in a circle. A mini fridge in the corner with a note that states feel free. The walls a bright shade of orange with white stripes at random interval. What is this? A classroom or a kind of whack up design of a cell? 

Then again maybe literature is a weird subject. I look back down at the thick book in my hand. Julia Cesar by William Shakespeare. This is one heck of a weird man that was termed to be brilliant in his head. We were going through chapter four of the book. The minutes tick by and I wonder which was more fascinating. The classroom or his annoying brand of english that has been translated to more confusion. Ah my head. 

‘Alright that is all for today.’ We all stood up bowed and bid farewell. I walked out, knee deep in thoughts. Classes were odd...very odd. Somehow all my classes were examination based. I’m to major in the performing arts and modern literature. Yet I’m not saying a word and getting away with it. To make matters worse, Taeyeon has been...well she has been....respectful?

She never ask, never required a sense of explanation. She just let me be. Let me be silent, smile when our eyes met and then on with her life. Am I weird or is she just built to be that understanding? If that is her nature then I wonder did God mess up his proportion of was he going for the eye-catching factor? Both of which I have no idea what the answer may be. Am I being overly serious about her?

‘Jessica shi!’ I turn around. ‘HELLO THERE!’ I remain still. There it was a girl slightly shorter, with brownish blond hair and a smile. She dressed comfortably in baggy pants and a sparkling top. Do I know her? ‘You dropped this in class.’ Her hands outstretched and there was my Julia Cesar book in her hand. I took it and nodded in a sense of appreciation.

Just when I was about to walk away, she grabbed my hand and turned me around. ‘Thank you for coming here, my love.’ She is smiling at me. Yet all I could feel was like something was seriously wrong. I tried a little flinch to get my hand out of her grasp but it was like insignificant. ‘Aww baby don’t worry. I do so like you.’ She then released my arm. Smiled and did a little pirouette before continuing on her journey.

I look at her fading view while my left grabs the right wrist where her hand was. Who is she? Plus why do I have a feeling that I should never see her again? The way she said baby really does send the chills. Hopefully I am wrong. My brows cringed in the middle. Whatever, Julia Cesar’s report awaits. 

I gently opened the room’s door. It was quiet, was she out? Well this is good i guess. I threw the book onto my bed. Sat leaning against the bed, looking up at the second tier’s railing. Why is Taeyeon so nice to me? Why does she respect my decision in disrespecting her? Hold up. I turn my head back down and face the cool wooden planks of the floor. Why am I overly concern about her? Whatever. This place is like the land of the weird all in one.

Speaking of weird people...I reach out for the notebook. 

October 20 2011

Hello there Jessi. Are you worried? Were you worried? Then again by the time you see this, will you be indifferent towards me? So many questions about the unknown future. Anyway if you were wondering, I’m alright. Still a little bruised but fine. 

Today, I really had the urge to talk to you about her. Today in fact you seemed so bothered by something. Usually I would be pressuring you to say it all out. However today, I sat there fidgeting and going on and on about some nonsensical topic. I felt bad...like who am I to dig things out of you when I can’t even tell you about her.

But! My true nature gave way and I pressed you till I got the answer. You were worrying about Krys’s new school. I always knew that you cared for her. Beneath that hard exterior you are actually nothing but jelly for Krys. I wished I had a younger sister too. Someone that I could have a hand in looking after. Instead of always being looked after. Instead of always being doubted since I’m the youngest. I wonder if you understand what I’m trying to convey here. 

Anyway Jessi like us, she has siblings too. I talked to her about the benefits of being the oldest. She pointed out the pros of being the youngest. When I asked her what she was, she simply smiled and said I can be regarded as both. Of course I got a little piss. I mean why is she keeping such a trivial thing a secret from me? She didn’t say anything about it at the end of the day. She said that if I had known everything about her then I would be bored of her. 

She kissed me on the palm before walking off. As I watch her leave, I wondered am I really what she says I am to be? I mean Jessi I know all about you but I was never bored of you. Honest. So say, Jessi is this her lack of trust in me? Or a lack of trust in people? I wonder Jessi do I really know her? 

It is times like this that I wish you would have met her. Then you would be able to tell me. Still something is holding me back. Sorry Jessi for keeping her a secret from you. Love you. Love me.

Just by not revealing such a small detail, you can start to speculate to such degree. You are impressive. Whatever happened to the bubbly girl that always see the good in things? Do I really know who you are? Or was this a sight of you that I seldom see? My index finger traces the date. Was I worrying about the wrong person on that day? Did you give me any hints? Or would you have called them slip ups? 

I heaved a sigh. Pulled out the chair and looked at Julia Cesar modern day portrait on the front of my book. Another sigh left me. Looking blankly at his face...I wondered if he knew what the man at the alley way was saying about the eyes of March what would he have done? If he had prevented his own death, would God still find another way to make him this lifeless portrait in front of me? If I had save you would I still lose you to another big bang? Ceasing the train of thoughts, I tidied up some space and begin writing my report.

‘I’m back.’ I nodded my head in her direction. She is back. I gulp a bit of my saliva. Things are kind of silent as she walks up the nine steps. I tried my hardest to focus back on my assignment. ‘Say Jessica, are you keeping quiet cause thats just what you have been doing or are you doing it more to avoid me?’ 

I remain like a statue. No body movement, no body language, nothing to decipher, nothing can be implied. ‘I’m not that evil of a person you know. Maybe a little overly straightforward at the wrong times. Maybe a little out of control at some periods of time but I’m not a bad person.’ From the right upper corner of my eyes, I could see her dangling legs swinging back and forth. Her chin should be resting on the ledge I presume. The crown of my head could feel her light gaze upon me.

‘I just want to be friends...I guess...’ The last two words a murmur. I looked up at her. Her eyes still warm. She gave a little smile. I couldn’t help but smile back. ‘You look nicer when you smile widely.’  Embarrassed I instantly looked back down at my notes. What sort of an opening line was that? 

I heard her hurry down the stairs and kneeled down beside me. Cheekily she tried to make me face her directly. My cheeks were on fire. She finally turned me around and she was smiling ridiculously as wide as could get. ‘Like this!’ One would hear her mischievous. I let out a slight giggle. She smiled as per normal before exploding out in laughter. 

She was letting out a carefree laughter while I’m looking down at her with a sincere smile on my face. The room lit up by the sun. Her warmth wrapping the two of us. I like this picture. I like it a lot.