Chapter 22: A Hole In The Sail

Love. Shakespears novels covered most aspect of it. In summary, he took love to be a master of emotions. The one that oversee all other feelings that may arise. I lost a love one. The reason was stupid as hell but it hit me as hard as tsunami. Despite knowing the truth, the whole backstory, the pain of being a piece of the motion of life stings. I glance up at the clock. I have been here for half a year. This place that I once detest, grows on me like a weed. 

I’m getting comfortable. People that surrounds me are unique but special to me. I have two to avoid. One that seeks me to punch her while the other seems to have the hidden desire to punch me. Another that is so ridgit yet is paired with the one who is the most carefree. The annoying one that insist everyone to embrace it all. Lastly we have the two that are world’s apart but so similar. I heaved a sigh. 

‘Sica Unnie.’ I titled my head back and saw her beauty against the magnificent wall. Frankly, it was still a little odd that she was no longer addressing me by my rack. ‘You are in my space way too often.’ I smiled at her. ‘All because I don’t have special feelings for you.’ I did a heart sign above my head. She chuckled. There was a relaxing component about our relationship ever since that day.

It was amazing how she doesn’t care whether I spoke. She didn’t mind if I had issues. All she was bothered about was if I ate all her candy. Thus, in time, she became my safety zone. Despite being younger, I could understand what Seohyun meant. I roughly got why Seohyun was willing to be, and I qoute, her ‘puppy’. She was a pure Yiruma masterpiece, the type that allows you to float in peace. 

She picked up a cushion and suddenly threw it at my tummy. Due to having poor physical attribute, my arms caught air instead of my attack. I glared at her. She smiled in mischieve victory. ‘Unnie. Puppy is coming back soon. Better clear if you want to be free from double S’  Then, she bid farewell. I let out a breathe of confusion of my next destination when the door closes. 

Aish. I pick up my bag and head out of the room. Purposely heading on the secret route that only Yoong and I knew about. After all, it is with this pathway that I could avoid all the unnessaries. The short seven minutes walk was the second place of serinity. My steps came to a halt. ‘Jessi!’ The bag fell on the floor lifelessly. The way she is looking at me seem so real. Her face is looking at me with that beautiful smile. My eyes struggled to do something yet all I did was to stare at her red hair. 

This is crazy. She never had red hair. My right hand begins to tremble. Having been at a peace, my automatic reflex was to halt. It was pathethic. I should blink... ...to come back to the reality, I should blink. Finally when my body caved in, I blinked and there was the empty walkway again. The trembling didn’t stop even with the clear sight. This is crazy and I’m sincerely scared out of my wits. 

With zombie steps, I managed to head back into Pyxis. Naturally, I faced the lower drawer that held Steph inside. I couldn’t help but wonder if this is Karma. I didn’t want to cry. I ahte the whole breaking down process for someone that betrayed....for someone that had already left. So I clench my teeth as my eyes burns to stay as they are. To not shed a tear, to look at Steph as I am truly innocent. 

Approximately two and a halve months of peace, shattered by your sudden reappearance. In addition, what is with the red hair? Was that some kind of my fantasy being brought to life? My mind is racing. Flashing all kinds of logics that couldn’t be completed. I’m in a state of panic. I’m still that little rat in Steph’s hand. This is insane. I must be. I have to get rid of the past. 

Like a maniac, I rushed to take the dirtied pink book out. Gripping it tightly, I headed out with vengence. Reaching a bench, I sat down and begin to rip apart Steph. Once more, I watch my bare hand kill her once more. Nothing else mattered, as I was fully absorbed in being that murderer. Immersing my whole being into that evil one who took a sigh of relief when she was finally falling from grace. The relaxation of my body when she was no longer a burden on my shoulders. 

Tearing and tearing, I slaughted Steph. Out of the blue, I felt a pair of strong arms wrap around me. It was only then did I realise that I was in oscillation. ‘Sica.’ Her voice flows into my ears, bringing a halt to my butchering. My breathing was heavy, I didn’t dare look at her. 

None of us dared to move. We stayed in that position and throughout the time I could feel her concern. ‘I think I still lover her.’ My mouth said out the words before my brain could even derive to a single conclusion. I felt her momentarily freezing. WIth the disappearance of her warmth for that split second, I lost it. The tears came crashing down. It is wrong of me to have forgotten...is this round two of punsihment? Am I doom to be stiuck at that point? 

During my breakdown, she came to the front and hugged me tightly. Throughout the whole way, she has been there. As I am in her arm, I felt dirty. Like all I’m covered in is sins, regrets and disappointments. I keep trying to run forward but it seems like my life is planned to be in circular motion alone. I’m desperate. Screaming and yelling...I couldn’t do either. I can only be stuck. I can only remain stagnant. Hope...love...lost...why do they have to be equivalent in my case?

Is all this a joke? Am I only a joke? ‘Sica.’ She tilts my head so that our eyes are connected. ‘I am here.’ Her face stained by my tears. She kneels down. ‘Everything will be fine.’ She squeezes my hand. ‘You will be fine.’ Once more, she pulls me into her embrace. During the breif second of closing my eyes, I definitely saw that red hair blowing with the wind effortlessly. 

Author's Note:

A trail run. Will base it off the response. I feel that this is a desperation attempt for a continuation. Kel feels that it is fine although I feel that she is bias. So comments will be greatly appreciated.