Chapter 5: Hermera and... you...

Shelter- Corinne May

The light. My eyes slowly flickered open. How long had it been? Gosh why is it so bright. Blinking a few times, my eyes slowly adjusted to the randomly splatted wall. Right splatted walls. At that my eyes shot wide open. I instantly sat up. 

‘Morning Jessica shi.’ Her tiny fingers danced back and forth as Hermera was happily greeting me. Who in the world is she? I wanted to walk over towards her to most possibly slap the living hell out of her for injecting me against my will. However, it was only then did I noticed the extra weight on my left thigh. Her brown hair spread out. Covering the blinding light that lit the room. Covering herself from the possible light. Was this life’s symbolism trying to hint at me about this individual. 

Caught in my thoughts, I momentarily forgo the anger towards Hermera. ‘Oh don’t mind her. She stayed here all night beside you. Sweet isn’t she? But if you wish you may ungratefully fling her off you.’ I turn back at Hermera. Does she seriously have to say all that with such a wide smile? Who in the world is this psychologist? She isn’t like those that I met before.

‘Bet you had a proper sleep. No dreams...I guess in your case I should be saying no recurring playbacks of your past right?’ My gaze still fixated on her. How did she know what I see in my sleep. ‘Oh and don’t worry the injection just contained some chemical that would make you go to sleep without any neuron activities. So you kind of like fell dead unconscious.’ Dead?! This troll of a midget made me die temporarily. I swear if I wasn’t being thoughtful towards Taeyeon would so be in my hand now. 

‘Oooo you’re fuming. That is good. At least anger still comes easily to you.’ She smiled and then scribbled something on the notepad on her desk. 'I like that. Don't you think so it so good to have you fuming? To have you displaying emotions?' Is this idiot having a session with me now? ‘So why don’t you speak Jessica shi? I presume that there is nothing wrong with your vocals. In fact I heard that you were a rather good singer back home. So why not speak up? Is it really the trauma effects that has you shutting up or is it your play at the sympathy card? Which is it Jessica shi?’ Her eyes lighted up. Looking at me with fascination as if I was some sort of specimen bought her to entertain. What is is trying to do? Provoke me into yelling out all the frustrations I had towards you? 

‘Have you figured my plans out? Aww I thought for sure you would have slipped. Guess this method wouldn’t be working with you.’ Why is she acting cute with me? Why is she so like you? Your stupid way of apologizing by acting all cute. Using your cuteness to defuse any anger. Why is she so similar to you? ‘Seems like me Taengoo is waking up. She only know about your fondness of being a mute.’ 

I glared at her. ‘Icy.’ She fakes a shiver and turns back to her desk. ‘Omo, sorry...’ I shake my head dismissing any worry she may have concerning her sleeping on my thigh. ‘Morning...’ I nodded back. ‘MORNING TAENGOO~!’ Is she always like a flip switch? Does she seriously have a doctorate? ‘How are you so SO annoying in the morning?’ Morning...? ‘I see your confusion yes it is morning. But you’ve been here for two days already.’ TWO DAYS? What in the world of a sleeping sh*t did she poked into me? 

‘Doesn’t she look adorable when she is pondering all by herself when she can just ask.’ She giggled at the end. That is it. I took the pillow from behind and flung it at her. ‘Fiesty.’ Darn it I had to miss. ‘Taengoo’s kind of tea.’ Another pillow flew at her courtesy of Taeyeon. ‘Shut up!’ She just chuckled. ‘You two are out of ammo.’ Taeyeon stuck out her tongue at her. Seeing such a childish retaliation, I smiled. 

‘Lets get out of here. I’m suppose to show you around the premises.’ She turns and glares at Hermera before she could make another comment. Hermera smiles and was quiet. Guess she had enough fun messing around. 

‘Sorry about Sunny. She just likes to...embrace everything.’ I shake my head. It wasn’t her fault that Hermera is as weird as can be. We continued to walk side by side. She spoke only when needing to introduce the different places buildings and stuff. Her words going in one and out the other. All my head could think of is that Hermera is actually Sunny and how the name of the room fits her perfectly. She is always smiling, does that make her an optimistic person or an idealist? Who in the world is she?

‘You aren’t listening to anythingI have been saying have you...’ Crap I’m caught. I bit my lower lip and gave her an awkward smile. ‘Shall we take a break then?’ We walked over to the cafe. ‘Will a carmel latte do?’ I slowly nodded my head. Is she not pissed that I wasn’t listening? I wanted to ask her many things but somehow being a mute made me shut up. Well maybe it is better to not be nosy. Besides she with an efficient mouth have not asked me anything. This is respect or avoiding awkwardness?

‘Do you think a lot?’ I look up at her. ‘I mean when you are quiet. Do you think a lot more? Well I do. Whenever I watch people walking around, conversing, I guess I’m just being overly curious. So I tend to want to know more.’ She giggled about herself. Watching her smile, I couldn’t help but smile. ‘You look better when you smile.’ Instantly, I looked down. My face was heating up. Why am I blushing. Idiot. Didn’t you tell me that all the time? 

‘Jessi stop looking like a block you should smile more. You actually are pretty when you smile you know.’ The orange sundress that you wore would complement your slightly darker skin tone at that time. The bright smile at the end was one of confidence and light hearted spirit. I clenched my right fist that was under the table. Guess I am still missing you... you the heartless that left me. The book!

Immediately I got up. Everyone turned to face my abrupt behavior. Taeyeon looked up at me. Somehow her expression was still calm. ‘Go.’ How did she? I gave her weak smile and then ran off. Sorry Taeyeon. That was all that was in my mind as I took the strides back to the room. 

Flinging the door open, the petite small pink book lifelessly lying on the floor. The only light  came from the corridor. Past me and onto half the book. My hand then dropped to my side. Why did I ran back. Why did I ran all the way back? All that was waiting was a lifeless book. Not you...What was I thinking? I ran away from a perfectly normal human being to the see the coldness of a book. Maybe I do need a cure...I need a cure from you. From memories...from behaving like you are still here.

My head hung low in shame. How pathetic can one get? Without closing the door, I walked over and picked you up.

October 12 2011

Hello Jessi...it is I ,the great ,writing to you. No I’m not drunk. I have a good tolerance in alcohol. Today, well today was off. Did you notice anything? Bet you didn’t. Well I am on the road to becoming a famous broadway superstar or maybe a singer. Either one. Yes I am that sure of my dreams Jessi. You should start searching for yours. Look at me getting side track again. Tsk tsk. Back to the main point. Yesterday, we went out. We, as in me and the girl in my heart. Are you wondering why I’m not mentioning her name? Cause it will be more interesting if somethings are still a mystery. I don’t want to be an open book. Even if you are opening a book now. Get it? Hahaha. I am glaring at you to laugh Missy. Glaring~ah eye is getting dry. 

Anyway. Yesterday we went out.  Everyone was looking. Everyone. And for a split second I felt awkward. Like really uncomfortable. Maybe my body tensed up. Maybe my expression changed. I don’t know but somehow she knew. So instead of holding on to my hand, she let go. Her face a little upset. When I had apologize, she just smile back at me. I felt so bad towards her. However when she smiled, really, to me, nothing mattered. She was pretty. Really pretty Jessi. Like she had could light up any dark corners in me. So I told her that she should smile more. Somehow my compliment made her the most adorable blushing rabbit. 

She seriously makes me happy. However knowing that I had upset her as well, the feelings inside was complicated. Say...does love bring happiness or sadness? Regrets or beautiful memory? Is this why you choose to be so one dimensional? So clear cut that your world is only black or white? All the grey areas confuses me. Why did love become a shade of grey instead of pink? Why color the heart red when it is the cause of all the grey and complicated parts? Do you know Jessi? In your world of only honesty, what is love Jessi? What is love? I am stopping here cause I refuse to have another round. Yes I am writing to you on the way home from Joe’s. The taxi is shaky thus I’m going to stop. Love you. Love me too. 

Love in my world of honesty, is nothing but a hassle. This is why my love for you caused me to be me. One tear rolled down. I quickly wiped it away. ‘It is alright to tear. Expressing yourself is important too.’ I lifted my head. There she was stood. When did she get back? I quickly looked back down. She took steps towards me. 

I shifted a little away from her however her steps reached me. ‘If words aren’t your way of expressing then forget about words. Just feel your surroundings. Feel what others are saying. Convey your feelings by emitting your aura. Happiness, a smile. Anger, a glare. Confusion, a tilt of your head. Sadness, a frown or tears if you wish.’ She sat facing me. 

‘I’m...I’m here.’ Her voice was shaky. A little sense of uncertainty but sincere. She is warm.. too warm. I decided to run. When my hands reached the door knob, she calmly spoke again, ‘Run if you must. However Jessica shi when you finally are tired, just stop. Stop for a moment and you’ll see that I’m beside.’ Sorry. Then I turned the door knob and ran. I’m running from the warmth I used to received from the one who is now dead.