Chapter 16: Disturbing

Disturbia- Rihanna

Knocked once. Knocked twice. Knocked thrice. Come on, open up. Knock forth. Knock fifth. Just as about knock six came in, the door finally open. Instead of seeing the lady that I needed help from, another beautiful lady was there. No hello, only her eyes scanning me. My style of introduction. Her eyes travelled up and down. ‘Hmmm...’ I could have swore that they lingered on my s a little longer than appreciated. Was that a sign of appreciation? Saliva travelled uneasily down my throat. That is disturbing. I took a step back. 

‘Nice pairs.’ Her finder sincerely pointing at my rack. My hands covered them. ‘Wish I could find a pair like yours at God’s store the next time round.’ Is she being serious? My jaw hung wide at her frank speech. ‘Looking for my puppy?’ I slowly nodded my head. Puppy? The way she says it...it was like a nickname for a lover. Then again, why would a female want a pet name of female dog? The way it can indirectly implying... ...disturbing. This hot lady in front of me is disturbing. ‘Yo Unnie... aren’t you coming in?’ She asked as she slumped down on the chair.

How did she know I was older? Did she know me? Did I look way older? ‘Oh don’t mind me.’ I’m going to be sharing a room alone with the girl that just complimented my...my eyes travelled down. My mind said to stay still. ‘Unnie!’ I turned to find Seohyun... ... the puppy? Puzzled and perspiring. Maybe it was due to the fact that she was in a button down shirt and jeans. She met me at the door. ‘Hey hey, seems like the lost puppy found its way home.’ In an instant, her face lit up like a firefly’s . Oh my gosh, my thoughts have already been influenced by her.

‘Excuse me Jessica Unnie.’ She bowed politely at me. I bowed back. Immediately her face changed one of that that was flustered and a little annoyed. ‘Unnie~.’ She has a whiny cutesy voice. I couldn’t help but smile at her out of the norm voice. 

‘You are suppose to be at the group session!’ We caught the disturbing one shrugging her shoulders. ‘On come on Seo, whatever made you think that I would really leave something at the library?’ At that, she suddenly burst out laughing. ‘I can’t believe that you actually think I go to the library. Do you not see the signs? I made them so bright and beautiful.’ Seohyun’s did a small gasp. ‘Library ahead, please don’t try and squash your head’, I could have swore I placed it for all to see.’

That is when it clicked. My eyes lit up and looked straight up. She is the GPS! ‘It isn’t funny, Unnie. You can’t keep missing those sessions. You are ready. Just clear the five group meetings then you can go back to the real world.’ She scoff at Seohyun’s earnest plead. ‘There is no real world. This is why you are the lost puppy. Though I must say you are developing rather nicely.’ She end it with another round of chuckles. Inevitably, Seohyun was back to being that flustered tomato. 

‘Unnie be serious. Don’t you want to see the real world?’ She shakes her head. ‘I saw a little of it. Didn’t like it. That is why I trashed it and got here. Whatever made you think I’m going to throw all my efforts away.’ She stood back up and walked confidently toward Seohyun. Then, the pair stood and just faced each other in silence. It was like they were communicating without words. ‘I didn’t put a collar on you. Don’t make it seem like I did.’ With that, she pat Seohyun’s head and walked off. 

My eyes followed her. She...someone that choose to be here. Refusing the world out there. Placing the environment of confusion above reality... the reality of facts. Why? When she became that distant dot, I turned and faced Seohyun’s back. Noticing the stiff back, the curled fist by her sides, the overall tight frame that she has formed her body too. There was anger, frustration and the clear signs of helplessness. I stayed rooted. Now didn’t seem like the time to intrude. 

‘Yes you didn’t.’ She whispered and her body relaxed however her head was low. I bit my lower lip as I approached her. Gently, I patted her back. She didn’t move. ‘Sorry about that...she just has a way of catching me by surprise.’ A sigh was heard then she faced me with a smile that hid the scars from her last conversation. I could only nod. My lack of will to speak means that intruding her relationship between Seohyun and GPS would be a fail. 

Watching her continuing to smile at me politely, somehow she was like a reflection. This girl smiling at me, has seem to be a facade. Like all I was looking at was the smile painted on the wall. ‘How may I help you?’ It seemed like a bad moment to be asking for a favour. I fidgeted on the spot uncomfortably. I didn’t know which to choose. Do I excuse myself? Do I just ignore her feelings and proceed on? Plus why in the world am I having doubts about asking a question? It wasn’t even related to her or the GPS.

‘I’m fine Unnie.’ Her smile widen. Was the wound becoming wider? If she still ran under the system of solve,fix and close, then what solution did she come up with for her inner pain? ‘Hmmm...maybe I should tell you the story about us... ...will you believe that I’m alright?’ I blinked twice. My silence wasn’t implying that. My mouth open yet all I did was to breath out an excess amount of carbon dioxide. 

‘She was that knight, the one I told you about the last time, and is my knight.  Kind and all but harsh and hard on herself. Trust issues that was what I had concluded. Two years of following her around while she treated me with a cold shoulder. She barely speaks to me. Like she doesn’t really talk to me, only offered me words that makes me flustered. Sometimes, I think it may be due to the fact that she had a weird sense of humor. However, another year with her and I realize that was her way of caring. To try and push you, so that your sense of limit would be stretched. 

It was like a training for your mental endurance. The way of pushing you down multiple times then watching you from the sidelines. It was like she was preparing me for something. Another year passed and she checked into here on her own. That is when it clicked. She prepared me in the way she knew how I operated. Inflicting a little wound watching me come to terms with my weakness then throwing little tidbits for me to stitch myself up.

This is her way of saying there you go. Now leave me alone. She prefers loneliness. It was like being with people is her allergy. So as much as she did for me, I wanted to show her the good side of people. Then again, that is a rather difficult task as you may tell. Get too near to it and then she would throw a random remark that makes me speechless. Providing herself sufficient time to make her escape.

So I’m fine. Just a little disappointed that I let her slip away again. Anyway, how may I assist you? Unnie isn’t the kind to find me for a friendly chat isn’t it? What do you need my knowledge about?’ I could only awkwardly smile as my intention was being discovered. ‘Yuri.’ At times like this, my voice return. Yes, I am a selfish person.

‘Ah so you are finding for Yuri Unnie...’ She thought for a moment, similar to a computer locating and finding the relevant file. ‘Astar. Down by the next building, at the forth floor.’  

I nodded in gratitude. ‘Be careful Unnie. I heard that Yuri Unnie is taking a turn for the worse. Sooyoung Unnie has been on full time watch. Sunny Unnie is observing more than self praising. Taeyeon Unnie is tensely patrolling around the premise. Yoong is in total lockdown mode. Lastly, Hyoyeon Unnie has been smiling way to happily these few days. In other words, saying that the peace here is less than perfect is the perfect understatement.’

I paused and registered all the names she mentioned. All of whom that was mentioned have brushed past me at least once. However why are their names the only ones that are mentioned? What significance do they have that the weather in here is dependent on them? ‘They are the first few that were checked in here. In a sense, they spend the longest time here. If anything was to go amiss, they will be the first few to respond.’ She faces the window. ‘The storm is coming.’

It sent shivers down my spine. A storm is coming. Yet she said the storm is coming. Had such an event occurred before? Is that why she could identify the storm that was approaching? What has happened here before? I sighed then quietly exiting her room. 

Taking a glance around my surrounding once I was out of the building, I came up with a point. This place is confusingly disturbing.

Still deep in my thoughts, my legs had finally lead me to the plain wooden sign of ‘Astar’. I looked at it. It was a simple signboard. Ironic that ‘a star’ was being craved onto it. I’m here. In front of the door that holds her. The girl who may be nothing like what I had forged in my head. My left hand mechanically reached out for the cold door knob. Just as it was about to make contact, a voice made my body froze.