Chapter 6: Stop and breath

Airbag- Tablo Feat. Naul

My legs couldn’t move a step more. I was panting like crazy. How far did I go? How would she be taking my actions? And what does she mean by she is beside? We only met fro what two days? Then again I was dead to the world for two days. Four days...and she state that she is beside? What kind of a situation is this? ‘Yah crouching midget, you’re blocking the way.’ What? I lifted my head to see two tall ladies standing before me. ‘Lady move.’ the one speaking was slightly taller. Her hands were like air swiping. Indicating for me to move. However I was too stun. ‘Soo maybe she is having troubles. We should help her.’ The taller one by the name of Soo could only roll her eyes.

‘We all have troubles that is why we are here.’ Her tone robotic and very ‘matter of fact’. ‘Yuri ah you should help here despite Sooyoung being herself.’ Who is Yuri? I tilted my head and looked at the slightly shorter one in confusion. ‘It is okay Yuri. Everyone looks at you that way. Now go help her up and guide her to the bench.’ As if a programmed device, she stretched out her hand at me. I took it more due to my fascination with her than the acceptance of her assist.

She guided me to the nearest bench and sat me down. Meanwhile her friend by the name of Soo just sighed and continued on her path. ‘Sorry about Soo, she is hungry. At a scale of 7 out of 10, hence her mood is bad.’ I shake my head, dismissing her need for an apology. I mean I was being inconsiderate by blocking the way. ‘Hi I’m Yuri. You are the new kid right? Jessica Jung Sooyeon... shi.’ I nodded my head slowly. How did she know my name?

‘We don’t get new people coming here often. So word spreads like fire even for the smallest of thing. You don’t look that american though. We were all expecting some blonde with blue eyes and stuff. But seems like you are kind of totally korean. Interesting.’ She then instantly shifted her face closer into mine. The more I backed away, the more she came closer.

Just as I was about to fall off the seat when she finally backed off. ‘You are going to fall.’ I know but it seems that she didn’t know that she was the cause of it. ‘So why were you squatting in the middle of the pavement just now? You looked rather faint too. Is that your issue?’ She blinked at me in puzzlement. I blinked back at her frankness. ‘Are you scared of me? Are you? I just like to talk and want to know more about you. Or more like everyone.’

I gulped and weakly smiled at her. ‘Guess you wouldn’t be telling me.’ She nodded her head in understanding. Understanding of what, I’m not too sure. ‘Yuri ah not everyone likes to share. It is normal for people to have secrets. Plus she is new.’ She continue to nod her head. She may be saying out her thoughts but I sure don’t get her at all.

‘Jessica shi!’ We both turned our head to the unexpected source of voice. When I saw her, I instantly wished I didn’t. ‘Hello there Sunny.’ She smiled and waved in that unique way. Why does she not move her whole hand but only her fingers? ‘A~yo Yuri. Seems like you met my new friend’ I rolled my eyes at her and turned back to face the grass. Who says I was her friend in the first place? ‘Seems like she doesn’t fancy you Sunny ah.’ Without even turning around I bet she is still smiling. A shiver went down my spine. Hermera should be know as creep.

‘Oh wells not everyone will like me. However I'm sure Jessica does oh so love me!’  I felt her arm lightly resting on my shoulder. ‘Right Jessica shi?’ I tried to focus on the grass rather than her. ‘Yuri do you mind if we talk in private? Soo is waiting for you at the cafe.’ Damn it she nodded her head. Once she stood up, ‘Yuri you should say bye even if she may not like you too.’ hence she looked at me straight in the eye. ‘Bye Jessica shi.’ With a wave, she ran off in the same direction as where Soo had gone.

‘She is a breath of fresh air isn’t she? No lies. No hidden agenda. Nothing is kept inside her. The wonderful box of honesty.’ As she watches Yuri’s back view diminish with a smile. Creepy. ‘So back to you Jessica shi. Stunned by Taengoo? Or reminded of your past?’ She was still smiling. My eyes squinted at her upward curved lips. Her questions brushed past me like the wind from a rotating fan. Suddenly they changed form. Weird. What kind of shape is this? My vision now captured her full facial feature. I blinked once. Duck. She looks like a duck.

Then the duck was gone and back to Hermera’s default face of smiling weird creep. ‘Well...?’ Well what? My left eyebrow raised a little higher than the right. ‘Will you speak to me?’ Seriously? ‘Yes seriously.’ And why would I speak to you? ‘Cause you are curious about many things and conversing will get you your answers.’ Yea right. I snickered at her stupidity. ‘I am right. That is why I’m Dr Lee SoonKyu, Sunny.’ Whatever. I stood to get up and leave her behind.

‘Jessica shi. If you haven’t noticed, I may be the one talking but we were both conversing.’ I paused...she is right. ‘Even if I’m annoying I’m still rather accurate with what I call facts.’ She patted my head and twirled away. She is literally twirling instead of walking. Hermera is weird. Suddenly I thought of her.

‘If words aren’t your way of expressing then forget about words. Just feel your surroundings. Feel what others are saying. Convey your feelings by emitting your aura. Happiness, a smile. Anger, a glare. Confusion, a tilt of your head. Sadness, a frown or tears if you wish.’

She is right... but why? That question was all I could comprehend. My legs somehow just kept on going. The trees swayed, the breeze light. My mind in a total mess. Ah what the heck.

I stopped. Take a deep breath. Slowly opening my eyes. Slowly taking in the scene before me. How the leaves were the shade of green of my home’s backyard. How the rows of trees along the pavements sheltered the concrete from possible scorching heat. How the crimson bricks were messily alined. Looking past the cover of my converse, I watch as I wiggled my toes. They felt strangely unfamiliar. Like they weren’t mine just part of me.

Then I looked back up. The pavement was empty. Absolutely nobody was in sight. All there were, were the air, nature and me. I took another deep breath in. The air was slightly dense. Somehow there was a faint smell of berries mixed in it. My heartbeat was never at such a steady slow beat. Lifting up my fingers and looking at them directly. My nails short. Really short. No longer were they painted and polished when you would force me to join you in your manicure sessions. They were just the thing above the skin. The tiny scar in between my third and forth knuckle of my right hand.

I stopped. Taeyeon like you said I stopped. The view now placed in front of me is calm. Like everything was in place. Like life is motion is normal. Like we are no individuals but mere pawns running in circles in the hand of someone greater. Where logic will categorize all to either black or white without emotions. As day is when the sun rises. As night is when the sky is dark. As memories holds no future and only past. As I am empty, I echo only the voice of silence.

But...I gaze back down at that scar... Steph is gone. Taeyeon, I stopped and all I can see is the world moving on. I stopped and all I see is how this world forced me to say goodbye when I wasn’t ready at all. I closed my eyes. This vision of the world being normal, I detest. My left foot took a step forward. Then my right slightly ahead of my left. Taeyeon I can’t stop as I don’t want to see of the coldness of moving on. My legs picked up speed again. Now I’m running. To where? I don’t know. All I know is that I can’t stop. As once I stop, I have to accept that you have moved on.