So I was not able to post a chapter last time because I was sick, and because I wasn't able to I thought I would post this early for you guys!

Recap... (Chapter 31)

“Decide. Me or her.”

Jaejoong was surprised at the question but not completely. He saw this coming, it was like he just wanted to wait for her to say something. But he wasn’t ready for it, he wasn’t ready for this at all and he wasn’t ready to answer her but he instinctively knew that if he told Tiffany what he had thought, she would probably feed him the soap and tissue right behind him.

“Tiffany…” Jaejoong tried to coerce but she shook her head. She stood up and they were inches away from each other. It was the perfect moment to kiss but neither of them really wanted that. “Decide. I can’t keep walking on this path knowing that in the end the stakes are higher of me losing you, spiraling down and completely losing myself. I no longer have a family to look back on Jaejoong. I may have friends but that's different. Friends can’t fill the void that my family has left and neither can they towards whatever becomes of this relationship between me and you.” Tiffany was riling up.

“I’m being selfish right now, I know. I know that you would want to concentrate on Eun Jae, how you need to be there for her even if honestly you don’t. Because from what I remember, you and I were supposed to be married by now. I know, here it is again. I’m bringing it up again. But I can’t help it if I never pictured it this way.” Tiffany said and her tears were not stopping and no longer did she had the time to even wipe them.

She was angry. She was hurt.

“Now, I can’t be that woman you cling to when Eun Jae shuns you. I am sad that she turned out that way even if I hate her guts. She’s a mother to a wonderful little girl and I would never want her to be taken away from such a little girl. But Jaejoong, I’m going to end up in the hospital too if I continue to remain in this relationship.”

It was all boiling down and Tiffany was just read to let him have it.

“Me or her. Decide.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 32: Hope

“Tiffany, I care for you so much-” “You care for me? Well I guess there’s my answer then, you care, you don’t love but you care.” Tiffany clarified as she stared at one of the tiles in the bathroom. She couldn’t even get herself to look at Jaejoong straight in the eyes. It was too painful. It was the obvious choice, how could she even think to stand against Eun Jae. Especially at the stat that she was in now, Jaejoong would pick her. She wanted to curse her, but she knew that she was better than that. And she knew from the gecko that Jaejoong would pick her.

She saw the way he looked at her, how he reacted at the sound of her name. He was like a puppy excited to see its master. She should’ve known better. But she chose to blind herself with a fake truth that was going to be temporary.

“You didn’t let me finish Tiffany.” Jaejoong said and Tiffany looked at him, her heart was breaking, what more could he say?

“I care for you so much. Because you were there when I was falling down and because you were there you made me happy. I needed you as much as you needed me. And I am sorry for everything. What I did was selfish, I made you feel as if you were pointless or useless, as if you were an accessory but you aren’t. I hate that you are making me decide, I’ll be honest, but you should know that I’m picking her.”

Tiffany just wanted to punch him so bad. How could he be so brutal towards her?

“For now. I’m only picking her for now. Its hard to explain, this isn’t the right time but what you need to know is this, I’m picking her right now for the sake of Jaekyung, she’s my daughter and imagine how she’d feel if she saw me being happy with you? Eun Jae is like this because of me. Its my fault, I owe it to her. It may seem selfish for her to make me feel this way but I need to feel this way because of what I did to her. I hurt her, I don’t deserve to be happy. What I need to do is be here for her, to tend to her while she is like this and to do the same when she wakes up. She made it clear she hated me.”

Tiffany felt confused. She felt lost and unsure of what was going on. It felt like something was just ringing inside her ears. Jaejoong stood and pulled Tiffany to a hug, the top of her head his chin, he smelled her hair, it was the same as it always was and that scent made Jaejoong feel a bit of peace. “I love you, I choose you officially but for now I need to be here for her.” Jaejoong said.

Tiffany still had her arms crossed against her chest. It was stiff, she didn’t want to move. She felt guarded. But slowly and surely she began to ease, her hands falling to her sides and allowing for Jaejoong to let her arms embrace him. Jaejoong wasn’t the type to let people hug him by his waist, he hated it, he didn’t find it comfortable except when Tiffany did it.

In the beginning of their relationship he complained about it, constantly told her not to hug him but she didn’t care. She hugged him by his waist anyway, she wasn’t the type to let people tell her what to do and Jaejoong admired how strong she was. It was one of the things that made him like her in the first place. And slowly it became a thing that only she was allowed to do. And Jaejoong found it pleasing.

Tiffany left the hospital reassured but dubious. Jaejoong broke her heart already, and inside she knew that it wasn’t right for her to let him in again but what could she do. Her heart couldn’t stop loving him. It still beats for him. The explanation Jaejoong gave wasn’t clear, but she understood it. She still needed a clearer explanation but with the situation now she knew better than to be patient. Although she had been since the beginning of this mess, Tiffany tried to assure herself that it was the only way, that in the end she would come out a victor and that she would finally get what she wanted and everything will be back in its proper perspectives.

Things will be the way they are.

Meanwhile,

Yunho and Yoochun took the liberty of taking Jaekyung back to their place. Seyoung still had classes and Seo Jin had work. Since they were on hiatus for Jaejoong’s sake, they thought taking care of Jaekyung could lessen the stress. And it would be good for her to be around positivity with what state her mother was in.

In the kitchen, arguments between Junsu and Changmin arose in a friendly game.

“Changmin! Matching doesn’t matter! Do you see people actually doing that?”

“Yes, obviously you aren’t one of them and by the way you look today its obvious you still aren’t.”

“Don’t be mean! This is for everyone to enjoy!”

“Don’t be mean, shut up! You’re being dumb!”

“Mocking me won’t do you good, now let me have it!”

“No, don’t even think of trying to take it! Put the blue on!”

“No! Give me the red!”

Jaekyung watched in interest as the two grown men fought. Who knew such a situation would allow something as serious as this debate between the two to arise like that.

“Changmin, for the last time. The red shoes will look better on Barbie. The blue ones make her look like she’s a blue stick. Her dress doesn’t show her curves so give me the red shoes!” Junsu argued as he tried to reach for the tiny Barbie shoes in Changmin’s hand, and Changmin kept pulling it farther. “Shut up! Her clothes need to match, and the color blue is what matches with that blue dress so get over yourself and let me put it on her!” Changmin countered.

“You agreed to play as Ken! I’m playing as Barbie and the baby is played by Jaekyung, so I get to decide what Barbie wears and you decide what Ken wears! Now give me!” Junsu yelled and the two wouldn’t stop fighting. Jaekyung hopped off the dining chair without the two noticing. She left her doll on the chair and walked towards the living room, where a legitimate serious conversation was occuring.

“Honestly I don’t know. It’s such a tough situation. But if that has to be done only Jaejoong could decide. Knowing him, he would probably choose to let her live on life support till he himself is dead.” Yoochun’s voice spoke and Jaekyung listened, but didn’t know what the conversation was about. “She’s pretty young, what happened is unexpected. Things won’t be easy for Jaejoong if Eun Jae passes, especially for Jaekyung.” Yunho said.

Jaekyung put two and two together and finally realized that they were talking about her mother. She immediately approached them, her eyes tearing. The two stopped talking and saw her. Yoochun was fast to grab her and hug her. “Don’t cry okay?” Yoochun tried to assure but already small cries were brought out. “I thought she was playing with the two?” Yunho said and Yoochun rolled his eyes. “They must’ve been distracted. I can hear them arguing about something dumb again.” Yoochun said and Yunho sighed. “I’ll take care of this.” Yoochun said and carried Jaekyung towards the other room.

Sitting her on the chair, he himself sat on the floor and tried to ease Jaekyung’s tears. “Shh… Don’t cry…” Yoochun said. It was heart breaking to see a little adorable girl who was filled with smiles to be down and crying like that. “You know your mom is very strong, and so is your dad.” Yoochun said and Jaekyung wiped her tears with the back of her tiny hands. “Then why is she still sick?” Jaekyung said and Yoochun didn’t know what to say but he had to say something.

“People get sick. You, me, Yunho, your mommy and your dad. Everyone. But we all get better. Your mom will get better. You just need to be strong right now, because when she gets better you might get sick, and that will make her worried and she won’t get better faster.” Yoochun said and Jaekyung managed to calm down. Her tears began to dry and she tried to stop her hiccups. Yoochun picked her up and was going to bring her to the kitchen.

“Do you really believe that?” Yunho asked and Yoochun shook his head.

-

Jaejoong was caught off guard. And even with that, he managed to make himself strong and assure Tiffany. Truth be told, this was another mask. A fake truth. In a heartbeat Jaejoong would pick Eun Jae, who was he kidding. But things weren’t going well. Earlier that day her doctor had come over and told him he should start contacting Eun Jae’s family. The doctor didn’t say more. It was the only thing he had to say, and as much as Jaejoong wanted to clock him for saying that he knew that it was the truth.

And with losing her once again, Jaejoong was in the right mind to know that he would eventually need Tiffany, and he knew that Tiffany still needed him. Even if she tried to stay strong, even if she tried to make people see that she can be by herself and that she needed no one. That she was completely independent when she was not. It seemed wrong, the agenda was wrong. Once again false hope prevailed and allowed itself to uncover another series of lies for Jaejoong and Tiffany to live on.

But Jaejoong wasn’t thinking clearly, and neither was Tiffany. There was more to be said and the two needed more time for everything to settle in and for their minds to kick in what’s best for them, especially since Jaejoong had Jaekyung. She was now his responsibility, and he needed to make sure that he would protect her and give her the future that Eun Jae had worked hard to. He wasn’t going to let Jaekyung fall.

Without even knowing it, Jaejoong was prepared for what was to come.

-

Tiffany had drove back home after fighting another crowd of people questioning her. Mixture of fans and press were spreaded all throughout the vicinity of her home. The security assured her that no one would get in. As she rode the elevator, she thought of how sick and tired she was of having to be reassured over and over again of things that would not hurt her.

But she was simply hurting, and no one could blame her.

Not even herself.

She was just a lost girl in a sea of hope, beaten to a pulp yet she was pulled up by her bullies to stand for more beatings. She was just in so much pain. She needed a way out but only she could find it.

As she reached her home, she sat on the couch and began to think. Here she goes again, thinking of life without Jaejoong. She was beginning to think she was just convincing herself that she could live without him when she herself knew that she couldn’t. Tiffany felt so dumb, she felt like a complete and utter idiot who continued to loop false hope in her mind. She was like a broken player, repeating the same thing over and over and going through a cycle of short lived happiness to an immediate fall to pain that crashes her down completely.

She was hopeless in other words.

She decided to cry the rest of the night, her mind was filled with so much details and words that she could no longer think straight. She needed to relax and she needed something to distract her. She needed to focus on work.

The following day she woke up feeling like crap. She didn’t want to get out of bed and it took her 10 minutes to force her body up. She looked at her phone and there were no messages. Just great, at that moment she had felt lonely waking up to no messages or missed calls simply made her feel worse. Taking an hour shower didn’t help, even dressing up in new designer clothes weren’t going to get her to smile or even feel a bit better.

She walked towards the door of her house. She stood still and her face was cringing at the thought of leaving her house. Despite looking good and as if she had no problems, inside she was a complete mess. The total opposite of how she looked and she felt that irritating feeling inside of her just pulling her to stay. Pulling her to stay and without words telling her not to leave.

Shaking her body she tried to rid of the feeling and force her feet to move. They felt heavy but she knew she had to do this. She can’t continue to sulk at home and always feel this way. She needed to do more and sitting at home crying herself to sleep, to shower and to eat wasn’t really the best.

The entire ride was not a comfortable thing either. Media and fans were still outside her building, she had guards her to her car because she felt like someone was going to jump her. On her way there she wanted to call the girls and tell them she was going to come but she opted not to, not wanting to disturb them because she was sure that they had all begun practices by now.

Tiffany’s grip on the wheel tightened as she kept thinking about work. She was mentally shoving her thoughts of Jaejoong, Jaekyung, Eun Jae and her family by thinking of work. She tried to think of ideas she could pitch for concerts, concepts and songs. She just kept her mind busy with these things the entire drive to work.

As she got there, she felt relieved to know that there was a different entrance for employees who had cars. She was able to shy away from the media and head directly to the practice rooms. Every employee had their eyes on her, she could feel them whispering as soon as they spotted her but she tried to brush it off. She didn’t have time for this, it wasn’t helping but she forced herself to think of other things.

Making her way towards the practice room she came to a stop as what she saw had made her feel pale.

From a distance, stood her family. Her father, her brother and her sister standing there. They had just came from a room, Taeyeon was there and so was her manager. She felt confused and she couldn’t deny that she had also felt a hint of happiness. After all, they were still her family. “I think you should talk to them Tiffany.” Taeyeon said with a soft smile. A smile that had given Tiffany a whole new feeling of hope. She knew something was to come of this, but what exactly?

Tiffany, her siblings and her dad made their way towards an empty practice room. Taeyeon and her manager headed back to the others. Silence was heard from the entire room with her family seated across from her. Tiffany didn’t know how to start, she had flashbacks of what happened when she visited them in the US and she didn’t want a repeat of the incidents most especially the talk she had with her dad.

“You are my daughter, and I could never forgive myself for what has happened.” her father began and everyone had their focus on him. Not even Tiffany’s siblings had expected him to talk. Tiffany’s dad was always the quiet type, but he had always spoke his mind. And now was the time he wanted Tiffany to listen to how he felt.

“When your mother passed away I told myself I was going to do everything I can to be with you all. But because of what happened it simply strained us. Mainly, pulling your away from us. I always told myself that it was your mother who did it, not because she wanted us to feel pain but because she knew that there was something out there that was better for you, that was going to make you feel loved and bring you joy. Among all of us, we knew that you were the one who was most affected by what had happen to your mother. We were all too strong, but you needed strength because you didn’t have it.” Tiffany could feel tears forming in her eyes, she began to think of her mother and how she always cooked for Tiffany when she had felt sad or if she had hurt herself.

“Our family fell apart, not because of what happened. But because we made it happen. I was too strong, thinking that I can hold my own and because of my thinking it cost me my family. I should’ve done what I could to keep us together. I should’ve supported you and told you that even if your mother was gone I am here.”

Tiffany didn’t know what she was feeling.

Could it be hope? Happiness? Love?

Or maybe it was the peace that she had longed for from the beginning.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFHANNNGERRRRRRR

LOL So yes cliffhanger, that one power that we authors have that we take advantage of because we know how much it annoys everyone lol

By the way, if you subscribed to me don't be afraid to add me as a friend or talk to me okay? Even if it isn't in the comments because I do love talking to you guys, some of you already follow me on twitter (btw to those who do sorry if I have been raging with rants for the past few days it is my fangirl/rant account after all) but yes don't be afraid to talk to me I love it when I get to converse with you guys even just a bit coz its fun knowing that I can talk to people I have similar interests with so yes :)) Hope you enjoyed! See you next Sunday!