Recap: (Chapter 26)

After her brief conversation and acting in front of Seyoung, Eun Jae felt a wave of emotions. A wave that she wasn't sure how she was going to handle. Every single emotion just rolled up on her and she didn't know why or how to even deal with it. But the biggest she had felt was guilt. She felt guilty for what she was doing to Jaejoong but at the same time it was too overshadowed by the fact that she was angy at him. Eun Jae shook her head legitimate tears were falling down her eyes. She tried to calm herself, she looked outside the window to look up at Jaejoong's building.

Am I really going to do this? Eun Jae thought as she began to think of what she was about to do. But to her, right now, right at that moment. She was going to do it. She immediately stood up and made her way towards Jaejoong's building. As expected the press wanted to talk to her, they wanted to get her word on what was going on. She ignored everybody and to her surprise the security guards helped her get in. She was sure that they weren't going to let her in just that easy but they did. As soon as she was beyond the gate, the guards did not follow her. They stayed by the gate.

She made her way to the elevator and towards the hallway of the Penthouse. She felt her heart racing as she was making her way through the hallway.

Flashbacks from the day she brought Jaekyung towards the hallway began to linger in her head.

Mommy, why are we here?

She remembered how nervous she had felt that exact time.

We're visiting a friend.

She remembered how she joked inside her head that she was going to pass out.

Stay here. If they open the door, look for your daddy.

She finally stood in front of Jaejoong's door and rang the doorbell.

Daddy? I get to see daddy?! Really?! Yay!

Eun Jae heard the door slowly begin to unlock and she just didn't know what to say, she felt like her tongue was taken out of .

“It’s not even my house and I have to answer it. Who is it?” Changmin spoke through the intercom. Nobody answer and he asked again. Still no answer and all of a sudden knocking was heard from the other end.

“I can’t reach the button!” a small yell was heard. Changmin furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity as he heard a small cute squeaky voice from the other end. Without hesitation or even thinking he opened the door and looked down to see a cute little girl, round eyes and kissable pink plump lips.

“Oh… Ah… Eolin Sonyeo (Little Girl) are you lost?” Changmin asked as he knelt down and she shrugged her shoulders cutely and Changmin simply smiled at her.

“I’m looking for my appa.” Jaekyung answered.

When the door swung open everything happened so fast, Eun Jae didn't know what exactly happened but she found herself in a warm embrace. She found her tears going down, and she heard something that she wasn't sure if it was a dream or not.

"I'm so sorry... I love you..."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 27: Alone

Eun Jae stood there frozen, not sure what exactly her next move was going to be. She could feel her heart racing like a horse, she even contemplated on whether or not she was having a heart attack. She cleared in the hopes that Jaejoong would react but he didn’t. She took a deep breath and grabbed him by the shoulders to lift him, but he was too heavy and he only fell back causing for the both of them to fall to the ground.

Jaejoong was now on top of her, and she could feel his heavy weight slowly crushing her tiny body. “Oh god…” She said under her breath as she rolled her eyes. She pulled herself away from him and got up. She looked around to see if anyone had seen them and luckily no one had. Eun Jae grabbed Jaejoong with what strength she had and pulled him back inside. There, she brought him to his room and got a warm towel to place on his head. She sat on the living chair in his bedroom and stared at him.

She placed her hand on her chest and was surprised to know her heart was racing that fast. What the hell is happening? Why do I feel this way? Am I that angry? Eun Jae thought that what she had felt at that moment was anger, she thought that the nervousness she had felt was all anger towards Jaejoong and what he did to her, but it didn’t take a genius to realize what she was actually feeling.

-

“I wonder how Jaejoong is doing.” Yoochun said as he tried to break the ice in the practice room. While Jaejoong was off drinking away his sorrows the four other members were sitting on the floor of their practice room worried about him. Neither of them wanted to bring up Jaejoong, but they all knew from their facial expressions alone that they were thinking of Jaejoong. “Jaejoong is a strong guy, I think he’ll do fine.” Yunho said, short but truthful.

“I know this will sound horrible, but, do you guys think it was better when Jaekyung was not around?” Junsu said and the three were pretty surprised at what Junsu had said. Among the four of them he was the least expect to say that, considering how close he got to Jaekyung. Besides, everyone expect Yoochun to say it. “Maybe…” Changmin agreed quietly, staring into space. Yunho and Yoochun looked at the two innocent members of their group. The mere fact that Junsu and Changmin had began to think of such things had Yunho worried, he could see how affected they all are. But then again, they were all a group and it was just appropriate that all of them would have such feelings.

“Hey!” the four turned and by the door stood four girls, Tiffany, Sooyoung, Hyoyeon and Sunny.

-

“I’m a bit curious, how do you guys feel about what’s happening?” Sooyoung asked as she took a scoop of her ice cream. “About what?” Yunho asked. After the girls had arrived, they asked the boys to eat at the cafeteria with them, but there was a reason why. “About Jaejoong, Jaekyung and Eun Jae.” Sooyoung clarified. “Ah!” Sooyoung yelled and dropped her spoon. Tiffany had kicked her ankle under the table, and it was quite obvious.

“You told me to ask!” Sooyoung whispered vigorously towards Tiffany as she rubbed her ankle. “Okay, so what exactly do you girls want to know?” Yunho asked upfront, his face serious and that somehow made the girls feel nervous. “Tiffany just wants to know how you guys feel.” Sunny said and Tiffany looked down at her ice cream not wanting to see what their reactions were going to be. “Shouldn’t we be asking her that?” Yoochun said as they all diverted their looks towards Tiffany.

“How have you been? I mean, I don’t want to sound insensitive but your marriage to Jaejoong has been postponed more than once, and you’ve been so considerate these past few days.” Yunho asked and Tiffany just wasn’t in the mood. She stood up leaving the group alone. “I guess we got our answer.” Yunho said as they all watched Tiffany walk away.

-

Eun Jae stared at Jaejoong’s sleeping figure. She had been sitting there for an accurate 3 hours thinking whether or not it was time for her to leave, or for her to wake Jaejoong up. Why am I even here? I hate him, why am I staying? Why am I so stuck? Eun Jae began to run several things in her mind and to say the least, she didn’t enjoy it. She had too much going on and she didn’t need to think about Jaejoong right now, most especially since she has been trying to fight back.

Jaejoong moved and Eun Jae froze, her entire body still and her eyes practically popping out. It was as if someone had stabbed her. She didn’t want to make even the smallest movement. Jaejoong moved and turned to his side, but he wasn’t awake at all nor was he about to any time soon with the amount of alcohol he chugged that night.

Eun Jae sighed in relief, her heart calmed and it was then and there that she realized it was time for her to leave, she shouldn’t even had come in the first place. She didn’t want to think about being there, she didn’t want to be in the same room as him. Pushing aside what she really felt, with a heavy heart, she stood up and walked out of the room.

The walk from Jaejoong’s room to the front door felt like a burden. Her feet felt as if gum was stuck underneath, lifting them and walking was too difficult and an aching sensation in her chest simply put everything into perspective. She really did care, she really did want to stay. But above all of that, her pride was fighting back and she didn’t want to become part of any of this life. All she wants is a peaceful one, where her daughter is, where all the cameras and the flashes were far far away.

She wanted a quiet life, but that wasn’t what she was about to get.

As soon as she stepped out of Jaejoong’s building,  and exited through that very gate, a hoard of flashes were blinding her. She was caught off guard and her expression was genuine shock. She stopped for a second and looked to the floor where no flashes could harm her eyes.

Breathing heavily.

She felt her entire weight drop, her body felt like jelly. She lacked sleep and she hadn’t eaten the entire time she was there. The press wasn’t helping. Their voices yelling with questions but all she could hear was noise. She looked back up and tried to push and shove away from them all but they were too many and too strong for her to hold. With what energy she had left she pushed and pushed and when she broke free the next thing sound she heard was clear, she could hear everyone gasping in shock.

-

Tiffany was staring outside the window. Her mind was just at a complete state of peace. This was something so serene. She felt, for the very first time in months, peace. The day Tiffany told Jaejoong about her mother and her family background she felt a huge weight lifted off her shoulders and she felt free. For some reason that very day, when she stepped out of that conversation with TVXQ and the members of SNSD, she felt the sensation of peace just flow through her when she passed through the thresholds of the cafeteria.

She found herself walking aimlessly like the air through a crowd of people working in their company. She found solace in the comfort of the training hall, staring out the window. At moments like this Tiffany usually thought about her married life to Jaejoong. She’d imagine the life, the children everything. She thought of the family she yearned for.

But right now all she thought of was a vacation. Something she truly needed. Just her, all by herself somewhere, possibly an island, enjoying the sun on her skin and her mind just at ease.

Alone.

Something she has forgotten what was like, something she actually feared. She thought that when she left the US that she was alone, that she didn’t have a family to look back on or to come back to because they basically disowned her. They didn’t know who she was let alone care any longer. They had their lives and she went to Seoul to live hers. Her perception of being alone was covered by that and to say the least, it wasn’t necessarily the best. But it was what she was given with.

But after living the life she did now, from garnering that amount of fame and praise, she truly enjoyed every second of it. But sooner or later, things fade and so did her joy for where she was. It wasn’t like she wasn’t happy. She was, but with the rumors the gossip, basically the way she entered into a public relationship just went downhill.

Maybe it was time for her to be alone again, and this time to feel the pure bliss that came with it.

-

“Mama!”

Small hands were at the window.

Tears strolling down her silky cheeks.

She was just scared, she was terrified. She didn’t want to lose her mother. She was her everything.