Hello, I had to post this a bit earlier because I might be busy tomorrow. This was pretty rushed sorry in advance.

Recap! (From Chapter 29)

In the beginning they thought that her family had no secrets, that they were perfect. But in a radio show she had revealed her mother’s death from years ago. The world simply gave her sympathy. They felt apologetic and the rest of the members of SNSD were careful to talk about mothers with Tiffany.

But it stopped there. Tiffany only brought up her mother’s true state. As for the real relationship between her and her family.

It was kept in the shadows, everyone thinks that she was living a perfect life, that her family supported her but could not come to Seoul to watch her, because they were busy with work and that Tiffany understood. But it was truly the other way around. They didn’t care and things between Tiffany and them were as sour as can be.

“Tiffany! Tiffany!” the media kept calling out but she had blocked them out from her mind. As she walked the airport and headed for her car, her mind was focused on her father and his words. She just wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry herself for eternity.

As she reached her car, she closed the doors and tried to breathe. She opened her phone and an array of messages were there. One in particular caught her eye, a message from her manager.

Tiffany, why aren’t you answering? I tried calling you in the US but you are blocking me out. You need to check your social media account, are you even aware of what has happened when you left?

She then scrolled down further.

Eun Jae is at the hospital, Jaejoong is there. He has not left, and it’s been days.

The press knows, this isn’t good.

Chapter 30: Failure to Success, Success to Failure

Tiffany ignored the rest of her messages for the day. She wasn’t in the mood to deal just yet. Her time spent in the US was not necessarily as she expected. She never imagined that scenario happening. Before heading over there, she dreamt that maybe, just maybe her family would finally take her back, apologize to one another and move on. But it was reversed. Her family obviously did not want to take her back, they could care less about what had happened between them. It was like nothing had happened.

And now, even coming home to Seoul, everything still wasn’t good news at all. Everything was just even more mess. There was press news about Jaejoong, she didn’t need to look it up online. The text messages from her manager alone was enough to tell her everything. With that, she needed time to herself. But that did not stop her fellow SNSD members from contacting her, calling her and even dropping by her place and knocking on her door.

She spent the rest of the day just sleeping. She was just too tired to deal with everyone.

She needed her time.

Maybe now was the proper time to be alone.

-

“Jaejoong…” a small sweet voice spoke. Jaejoong slowly opened his eyes, he felt light headed but what he saw had taken that feeling away. He was still, possibly feeling confused.

Right in front of him was Eun Jae. The two of them were not at the hospital, they were at his place, his home. It seems like Jaejoong had just woken up from his sleep. Eun Jae was standing there. She looked flawless, no scars, no nothing.

“Mama!!!!” a loud yell echoed through the hallway towards Jaejoong’s bedroom and then appeared Jaekyung. She jumped into Eun Jae’s arms and they snuggled. “Hello baby, are you done with breakfast?” Eun Jae asked and Jaekyung nodded.

Jaejoong felt so confused.

“Jaejoongie, get up already, we want to play with you. Its your day off!” Eun Jae whined. It was so cute. Jaejoong couldn’t help himself. He just wanted to run up and carry her and Jaekyung, but he seemed to tired. But not tired enough to get up from bed and walk towards his two girls and hug them.

He didn’t question it. He didn’t want any questioning done. Just that it was happening, it was already a good ordeal. Jaejoong simply smiled. “How are my two girls this morning?” Jaejoong asked and Eun Jae smiled. “Tired…” Eun Jae whispered and her face was painted with nothing but desperation and loneliness. Her eyes lingered away, she was staring into space.

Before he knew it, Jaekyung placed down on the ground. She stared at her parents, confused. “Papa… Why is mama sad?” Jaekyung asked. Jaejoong didn’t know what to say, but he wanted to say something soothing. But before he could, Eun Jae had cut him off. “I’m lonely Jaejoong…” Eun Jae’s voice was cracking. Tears were already streaming down her face.

“Mama, mama, why are you crying? Papa! What did you do?!” Jaekyung asked as she hit Jaejoong’s leg. Jaejoong went down on his knees and tried to stop his daughter from hitting her. Eun Jae grabbed Jaekyung away from him and headed towards the door.

Everything was happening too fast, Jaejoong didn’t know what he was going to do. He simply followed her and called after her but she wasn’t having it, she had one hand on the door, as it was there open for all of them to get out.

“Don’t leave me…” Jaejoong said as he stared at them.

“You should’ve been there for me…”

Jolting up from his seat, Jaejoong could feel his cold sweat streaming down his face. Seyoung looked at her brother in confused from the hospital room’s couch. Jaejoong looked around as if he was lost, suddenly feeling the walls to see if he was where he was. He looked at Eun Jae who was in the hospital bed, still in the same position and condition. He approached her and kissed her, hugging her tight.

“Jaejoong, she needs to breathe.” Seyoung said and Jaejoong simply let go.

It was just a dream…

A dream that had felt too real for its own good. But nonetheless, a dream. He felt every single negative emotion just wave in like a tsunami. Jaejoong couldn’t calm down, but he had to so he tried with what strength he had. Being at that hospital and seeing Eun Jae the way she was just made him lose all possible energy he could have. He couldn’t handle it anymore but he knew he had to. He had to try his best.

He wasn’t there from the start but he was going to be there for the rest, and he assured himself that he wasn’t going anywhere.

No, he needed to be there for his family.

-

“So… They didn’t even bother to make you feel a bit welcomed?” Taeyeon asked as she took a sip of the tea Tiffany had made. Tiffany wasn’t ready to face anyone, not even her manager or the others. She called in Taeyeon. Taeyeon was a bit surprised but she made it a point to drop everything and be there for Tiffany, especially right now. She needed to be there for her, because it wasn’t like anyone else was going to be. Even if the girls smothered Tiffany with their concern and love, she just needed one person who was going to not take sides.

“No, but it’s my fault to be honest. I should’ve just kept my expectations low. I shouldn’t have expected at all. Anything for that matter. I mean, I left the place that way… I should’ve expected it.” Tiffany said and Taeyeon wasn’t sure if she was going to agree or disagree. She was a bit lost in what to say but she was trying with what she could.

“Well… You know, you should’ve just gone elsewhere, maybe take a vacation and be away from all of this. Because being here isn’t what you need. And it’s not that I am shunning you away, I’m just thinking that maybe you need time for yourself. You’ve spent years being dependent on others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be mean I’m just thinking that, you know. Space. Everyone needs it. I know I love having time to myself sometimes, considering the kind of job we have, we are always with people.” Taeyeon said and as much as what she had said made sense, Tiffany just didn’t want to take a vacation.

She wanted to face her problems head on. She tried to fix things with her family and she failed. She came back, wanting to take back Jaejoong, fix her relationship and get married. Just settle down and live a life with peace. Be away from it all. But how could she really. Where would she even begin? Especially with the press talking smack about Jaejoong leaving Tiffany for Eun Jae, rumors starting that Jaejoong had an affair with Eun Jae while he was with Tiffany.

There was too much going on. Tiffany wasn’t sure if she’d succeed, and having another failure wasn’t in her books. She wasn’t ready for another, she needed something to be accomplished for her sake. She felt like she was inches away from becoming insane. Everything was filling her with stress. She needed a solid plan.

“I don’t know what to do anymore.” Tiffany said, rubbing her temples and tears beginning to flow. Taeyeon was not sure how to comfort her. She wasn’t sure where to begin. “Tiffany, listen to me.” Taeyeon said as she placed the tea cup down and gestured Tiffany to look at her, holding onto her hand rubbing them with her thumbs.

“Listen to me sweetie… You are strong. You got this far, despite everything that has happened. Okay maybe things will be harder now because of the media, things will go crazy and rumors will start flying. I know that’s hard. I know that’s not pleasing to hear, but trust me. You’ve gone here, you’ve been through this stuff its just that everything is boiling down at the same time, but trust me, you were trained for this. You are strong. You can make this, become a winner. Don’t let yourself fall. There are many of us here ready to catch you and push you back up.”

Tiffany couldn’t describe the comfort she had felt. But deep inside she still felt like she was dying, but nonetheless, she knew she could win this. She just needed to prepare herself for it. She just needed to get her head straight, fix everything and try to get everything settled.

Tomorrow was going to be a new day, tomorrow was going to be okay.

-

“Jaejoong, can I ask you something?” Seyoung asked her brother as she placed her book down. She saw the way he had reacted yesterday, how lost he felt and how suddenly he felt like he was going to lose Eun Jae. She could see how everything was just falling on Jaejoong. It was guilt, guilt eating him alive slowly. Tearing him apart before swallowing him whole. It was like a that wanted to attack, but it wanted to feel its pain as well.

“I want to know what you were planning to do when she wakes up.” Seyoung asked, she stood up and placed a chair next to her brother. “Do you even have a plan?” Seyoung asked and Jaejoong smirked. His eyes were smiling, his lips may not be smiling as wide as his eyes were. “Of course I do.” Jaejoong said quietly, and Seyoung waited patiently for an answer.

He took a deep breath and finally laid out his plans.

“When she wakes up, the first words she’ll hear is me telling her I love her. Then, I’m going to apologize. After that, I want her to know how much I love her and how sorry I am, because saying them is not enough. And I’ll dedicate my life to apologizing and loving her. What happened to her cannot be sufficed into me simply saying sorry or telling her I love her. Nothing in the world can make it better, but at least trying will. I’ll give my daughter the family she wants and give Eun Jae the peace she needs.” Jaejoong said, a smile on his face was innocent, filled with love and compassion.

As much as Seyoung found that to be sweet, she knew that it might not turn out that way.

“Is that what she wants? I mean… Do you know that’s what she wants?” Seyoung asked and Jaejoong could feel his mood change. His mouth shut, his mind began to think of the negative. It was that simple, it was that fast for his mind to think of joy then move back to sadness.

Seyoung was not putting her brother on the hot seat. She was simply reminded of that first night she saw Eun Jae. The night Eun Jae had the crazy idea of kidnapping her daughter, and the tears. The aftermath of the supposed kidnapping had led her to believe the tears were an act, but deep inside she could not find the perfect explanation as to why it felt real. Why, even if she had it embedded in her mind that it was an act, a lie, that something was fighting and telling her it was true tears.

It was telling her that it took pain to bring in those tears, that Eun Jae wasn’t some professional actress, that she was actually in pain. It was like a certain pain she stashed away, that she tried to find an excuse to release and that fake conversation seemed like the proper moment. Because maybe it would lead Seyoung to think that Eun Jae was strong.

And she was, but even with that strength the weakness could never hide.

No weakness can be hidden. No matter how strong a person is, pain will always conquer.

“I don’t know…” Jaejoong simply replied. He held onto Eun Jae’s hand tight. In his heart he had a plan of wonder, of peace, one that would make everyone feel jealous. But in his mind it was too crowded, crowded with concern, pain and desperation.

There it was.

Desperation.

Jaejoong was just desperate. Because even he wanted an escape. Even he wanted peace. He wanted what Tiffany and Eun Jae wanted. But he was torn, either decisions or choices he makes will break down a side. There was no right answer, there was necessarily not any wrong ones but there was pain. Pain was just there waiting to see where it will go. It was waiting for Jaejoong to decide its destiny.

Jaejoong’s desperation grew each day, it just grew and grew.

A small knock on the door sounded and only Seyoung turned to see who it was.

There she was, Tiffany.

She looked refreshed and she smelled like a brand new barbie doll. She looked clean. The press had a frenzy when she exited her car at the hospital. Almost every security guard in the hospital was not enough to hold the press back. They bombarded her with questions but she decided to hear it as background music, and that’s how it sounded. Conversations in the background that didn’t mean a thing to the main focus.

Tiffany wasn’t sure how to feel being inside that hospital. At one side she was feeling sad seeing Eun Jae that way. She may have done sinful things but she would never wish this amount of harm to anyone she perceived as her enemy. Especially to a mother of an innocent child whom she herself had cared for as well.

“Hi Jaejoong…” Tiffany said, and Jaejoong didn’t even bother to turn.

Tiffany could feel a crack in her heart.

It was at that moment that she had felt Jaejoong was already gone.

She was no longer necessary.