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It’s not you, it’s me.” his voice trembled hard. “The problem is, I don’t see you as a friend, Jihoon. Not anymore.”

_____

 I threw him a muddled look; his words kept echoing in my head but Kai already avoided my gaze again, unwilling to confirm the meaning of his words.

“What do you mean?” I whispered at last; the pain of his statement was still stinging really badly in my heart. “What did I do wrong?” I asked again in desperation.

“No, you don’t understand!” he snapped in frustration; almost angrily. Kai flung his face back to see me, looking extremely disturbed. He threw his gaze around in wary to check his surroundings before continuing again with a much composed tone. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I said it was me.” he added with a low voice; his expression seemed like he was really in pain when he uttered the next words. “I think I like you, Jihoon.”

The silence which followed his confession was intense, almost painful. Kai kept his gaze on his shoes, rubbing his forehead in aggravation. It was already a while before he broke the silence, while I was still having difficulty to give a proper reaction.

“Seeing you kissing Sehun was the trigger, I guess.” he chuckled bitterly. “I think that was when I realized the feeling. But it needs to stop.” he suddenly added, giving me a determined gaze. “I’m not a gay and I don’t plan to be one, Jihoon. That’s why I need time to be away from you, to have a chance to collect my feelings, to make things right again. And maybe later I would be able to look at you merely as my snappy tiny friend, Park Jihoon.” his voice was brave when he continued again, giving me a warm gaze. “So if you still want to be friend with me again after knowing this fact, Jihoon, would you give me more time?  I can’t be around you now. Still can’t.”

_____

“He confessed to you, so what’s the problem?” Taemin almost exploded when I told him my decision. He was ecstatic after hearing my story about the conversation I had with Kai, but his mood changed upside down when he knew that I wanted to give Kai the space he wished for.

“The problem is, I have no right to oppose his own wish.” I told him for the fifth time, maintaining my patience. “He is screwed Taemin, all because of me. Now he has to deal with the thought that he was a gay, when he doesn’t want it. The guy deserves to choose. And he chooses not to have anything to do with me at the moment.”

“And what logic is that?” he threw both hands to the air in aggravation. “He doesn’t want to fall in love with a guy, so kiss him and show him that you are a girl! That way you’ll give him a favor.” Taemin folded his arms, looking at me with furrowed brows.

“But what if I don’t change?” I challenged Taemin, narrowing my eyes sulkily. “What if I stay as a guy, and leave Kai with his crumbled feelings again while the curse stays?”

“That makes no sense.” Taemin shook his head, doesn’t seem to acknowledge my anxiety at all. “You like him, you told me yourself. He likes you, he confessed to you for God’s sake. What makes you unsure?”

I was quiet after hearing Taemin’s words, unwilling to state the truth; to tell Taemin the real reason I hesitated to kiss Kai. Meanwhile, his eyes were fixed on me, examining my expression, my disturbed gaze on the ground.

“Is that what you are scared about?” he finally asked in awe. “You are not sure with his feelings? Or yours?”

“He confessed to Jihoon!” I almost yelled, irritated. “He doesn’t like me. How could I kiss him when it’s not me he wanted?”

This time Taemin really stared at me with amazement. He looked really astonished for a while as we were both quiet until he broke it, speaking with the tone like he was teaching a kid how to read.

“But Jihoon is you.” he said matter-of-factly. “He falls in love with you even though you are not it the form he prefers. He is in sorrow now because he likes you so much. What makes you hesitated?” Taemin raised his brows, waiting for my answer which only came after a while.

“I wouldn’t be hesitated if he didn’t know Jihye. But he met me, as Jihye, several times already. But he still chose Jihoon. What if-” I choked when I was about to say the thing I feared most. “What if he really is a gay?” my voice cracked, and I stared at Taemin with pleading gaze, dying for him to ensure me that my thought was ridiculous, to get me at ease. But whatever Taemin said to me turned out to be in vain; nothing was able to convince me at all.

“If you wish for Kai to like you after some mere encounters then you are placing him in the same place as Sehun.” he said at last, earning an unpleasant glare from me. “Alright, alright. I didn’t mean to insult Sehun there. Geez.” Taemin shook his head sulkily before I was able to say anything regarding his comment about Sehun that wasn’t to my taste. He then continued again without waiting for my response. “Kai doesn’t know Jihye enough to like her. But he knows Jihoon, the real you, only in a different form. He loves all about you, the good and the bad, except for the fact that he thought you were a guy. Hasn’t the ghost told you? It was what Sehun’s feeling didn’t cover; what you got on Kai now. So what’s stopping you?”

“You know Ms.Ghost?” I asked him in shock, totally ignoring his long enlightenment. Taemin pouted sulkily before answering, knowing exactly that his wise words went in vain.

“Of course. Didn’t I tell you that I was often around? She did too, but like me, she more often chose to not be seen.” he grumbled.

Wow, nice. Now I’m dealing with two stalkers.

“And she is not the only ghost in this dorm, you know? But most of them don’t give a damn about you. They have their own fellas they like to haunt.” Taemin continued unnecessarily.

Thank you. But I seriously don’t want to hear more about it if you don’t mind.

“Hey, your eyes were purple.” I commented only to avoid the talk about ghosts, and to prolong the moment before Taemin got Kai in his mind again. “When we were quarreling. Remember?”

I wasn’t totally expecting the answer and thought that Taemin would frown in confusion hearing it; but he nodded instead, his expression still looked rather sulky.

“Yeah, cupid’s eyes have purple shade when they are mad.” he explained. “Pink if we are really happy, and blue if we are sad. They turn completely white when we are extremely sick or in pain.”

“Cupid can feel pain?” I asked him, surprised.

“Yeah, when we are punished, on extreme cases, we would lose our wings. And that hurts so bad, losing a part of your body.” Taemin shrugged. But don’t try to change the subject. We need to talk about Kai, okay?” he frowned at me, noticing my intention to shift the conversation away from Kai.

“I’m finished talking about Kai.” I said with a final tone.

“Don’t be childish, Jihye.” Taemin was still frowning when he replied. “I don’t understand what bugs you so much. But this is plain ridiculous. Just right after you find the solution for the curse you just have to behave-”

“Childish?” I whispered, my eyes slanted in fury. “You think I’m childish?” my voice cracked and a drop of tear escaped my eyes. “You wouldn’t understand my feelings, would you? After a long time I finally have someone I want; but I have to face the possibility, no- the fact that he wouldn’t want the girl me. How do you think I would feel about that?” I howled, my lips trembling hard.

“It’s not a fact, it’s your assumption.” Taemin answered with a soft tone- much to my surprise. “And you wouldn’t know the answer to it if you wouldn’t try. There’s nothing to lose.”

“No, there’s everything to lose.” I shook my head, struggling to maintain a steady voice. “My feelings, my hope, everything. So please, Taemin, let me be. I’m scared.”

_____

Jihye curled up on her bed. The clock on the wall told her that it was eight at night, but she still hadn’t budged. She was alone, she fully aware. Hoya left, Taemin left; and she could see a shade of blue in Taemin's eyes before he disappeared. She did it again; she hurt people again.

Fifteen minutes; she shifted to her other side of bed, hugging her bolster. What was wrong with her actually? She wanted Kai to like her, and he did. But when her star of wish fell in the form of Kai’s confession, the anxiety overtook. All because Kai confessed to the wrong person. Jihoon. Not Jihye.

But Jihoon is you; Taemin’s voice crossed her mind, almost instantly with the image of his sad face when she dropped the bomb that she gave up with Kai. She wanted to scream, wanted to ask them why they wouldn’t understand. All she wanted was affection, something she had longed to get all her life; something which was taken away from her when her dad left. And certainty, which would assure her that he wouldn’t be hurt again; wouldn’t be disappointed again, like the people she loved the most, her family did to her.

Both of which Kai couldn’t offer. His affection was for Jihoon. And when she confirmed that, she would only be disappointed again, being hurt again.

Love made her weak; she concluded. It was way better before, when she shielded herself from all sort of affection except a little share for her precious friends. If she hadn’t loved, she would be safe from the anxiety; from the terrible pain.

Just when Jihye was deep in her self-pity, a glowing white butterfly appeared in front of her eyes and she blinked, astonished. Her eyes fixated on the butterfly which fluttered its wings beautifully for a moment as if showing off to her, before it flew gracefully away, breaking through the close door and then disappeared. Jihye didn’t stop to think when he instantly got up and rushed to the door, where the butterfly just disappeared. She found it outside her room; as if it was waiting for her to follow; and saw the butterfly started to fly away again, its glowing light left a trace of white glitter all the way it passed.

Jihye felt like her mind was blank. All she could think about was following wherever the butterfly led her to, as if she had been hypnotized.

And so she did.

_____

Sehun watched in confusion as Jihoon walked absentmindedly along the corridor. Closing the door carefully behind him, he noticed that Jihoon was standing in front of his room, staring in awe to the thin air in front of him while Sehun didn’t see anything at all.

He frowned as Jihoon disappeared in a turn and was silent for a while before he realized something. Jihoon’s room wasn’t locked.

His heart pounded fast when he considered the idea. Was it worth the risk, if he just barge into Jihoon’s room? Jihoon would be really angry if he caught Sehun searching in his room.

But the temptation was too big. Sehun literally couldn’t get his mind off the handwriting on Jihye’s letter and Jihoon’s notebook.

It was identical.

Sehun held his breath; hesitating only for a second before taking the first step towards Jihoon’s room which as he expected, unlocked. His heart beating fast as he made his way into the tidy room, throwing his gaze around until it landed on his tidy drawer.

He immediately went towards it, searching thoroughly through the drawers until his hand stopped on something in the bottom drawer.

Sehun pulled the thing out and stared at the glass thing which had been under his possession for two years before he handed it to Jihye; and thus, confessing his feelings.

The strawberry key chain.

The fast pound on his chest was almost painful when he made his way to the suitcase Jihoon placed in the corner. He landed it on the floor only to find that it was locked, and Sehun realized with disappointment that he didn’t know Jihoon’s birthday to try the combination.

He sighed; pratfall on the floor with frustration. And idea crossed his mind and he threw several anxious gazes towards the still door before reaching out his slightly quaking hand to put Jihye’s birthday on the lock. The jingle sound of keys told him that he was right, and Sehun almost couldn’t breathe when he opened it, revealing the girl’s things which made him blushed. But his gaze was quick to shift on something else which lay on the top of the suitcase.

A wig.

_____

The butterfly went all the way to the school lawn until they reached what she realized to be the place she met Kai when she wanted to be alone. Kai was sitting on the bench; and she stared at him, not with surprise, as if she had expected him to be there. He kept his eyes up on the sky as she stared, vaguely realized that the butterfly had vaporized into the thin air before completely disappeared.

Her legs moved, as if they had the mind of their own, to approach him. Not until she sat on his side that Kai realized her presence. He glanced at her; a pained expression was on his face when she saw her face before he made a weak smile.

“It hasn’t even passed a day. Can’t bear to be away from me that much?” he tried to joke; although his sad eyes gave him away. She was dumbstruck for a while before the realization hit her; Kai wanted to get a space. Jihye shifted uncomfortably on her seat, embarrassed to be a presence he didn’t want. She was just about to get up and leave when Kai caught her arms, slightly pulling it back.

“No, please stay. I’m sorry.” he mumbled, but his eyes were not looking at her as he spoke. She complied with his wish; didn’t take long to follow Kai’s example, staring on the sky.

“What are you staring at? There’s hardly any star.” she commented. Kai chuckled at her question, still didn’t take his eyes away from the sky.

“Because I’m not looking for star.” he answered her. “I love staring at the clear sky without any star, or without any cloud at day.” Kai smiled. “It helps clearing up my mind.”

“I see.” was all Jihye managed to say, knowing exactly that he was referring to his feelings for her; for Jihoon. There was a tranquil silent as they both stared at the sky, admiring the beauty.

“Do you remember when we suspected you as a girl?” Kai suddenly asked, staring at her. “It was all my idea; because I really wished that you were a girl; though I haven’t realized my feelings yet back then.” he chuckled. She was quiet, reminiscing the once amusing situation before Kai spoke again.

“I envy Sehun.” he spoke again, his tone was down. “To harbor feeling for someone over two years. I never really liked someone before, and when I finally do it’s just happened to be someone I shouldn’t fall to.” he smiled bitterly. “How good would it be if you were a girl?” his cracked voice was answered by silence but he continued anyway. “It might seem like a joke back then when I kept saying that you were a girl, but I sincerely wished that way. I really wish-” his voice cracked again and he stopped; a drop of tears escaped his eyes.

_____

“Are you sure you are going to do this?” four cupids stared intently at Taemin, examining his expression. They were floating not far away, watching the scene in front of them. Taemin kept the determined expression on his face when he nodded.

“Yeah. It’s my mess. I should be the one to fix it.” he answered bravely. The four created a gloomy face when they looked at him, who they regarded as their own younger brother. At last the tallest one spoke up.

“You might regret it later, Taem.” he sighed, but Taemin shook his head stubbornly. “I talked it over to Onew Hyung, Jonghyun Hyung, Key Hyung, and you, but my decision stayed the same.” he said firmly, looking at each of their faces when he mentioned their names. “Just be sure to stay by my side when it happens, okay?” he forced a smile, pretending to not notice the frustrated expression his brothers had on their faces. He heard a sound really near from them and glanced to see Sehun sneaking behind the bush not too far away, his eyes fixated on Jihoon and Kai, unaware of five cupid’s presence near him.

Taemin smiled; the night would be more exciting than he had thought.

He fixated his eyes on Jihye and Kai again, watching as more tears fell from Kai’s eyes, and how Jihye rubbed his arm, wanting to calm him down while her face was already wet with tears too.

 Can’t you like- use your power or something. Make him kiss me, use illusion, whatever.

He remembered Jihye’s plea to him a while ago, and also his reaction to that.

I will be stripped off from my cupid power for a year. It’s our whole existence, what we are doing now. We love it; I can’t even imagine not being a cupid for even a day, not to mention the whole year.

He was aware of the consequences, and that he might not be able to bear it. But Jihye’s sad face crossed his mind again and he knew that he would do it anyway, despite knowing that he might regret it.

He shut his eyes before opening it again, staring at the two with full concentration. His whole body trembled when he gathered his power. The four other cupids watched worriedly as Taemin’s face was starting to get wet with sweat but he ignored them all, solely focusing on Kai’s eyes which were starting to get unfocused.

Smiling was too exhausting at the moment, but Taemin’s eyes sparkled triumphantly.

He did it.

_____

Kai rubbed his eyes harshly, embarrassed by the tears which kept flowing from them, betraying his intention to appear unaffected. He couldn’t understand why Jihoon looked really sad beside him, rubbing his arm sympathetically with eyes glistening with tears. But it was the least of his concern now.

Suddenly, he felt a stung of dizziness on his head and a mixture of emotion flew through him. He felt the hope, the optimism, and the affection he had for the person crying in front of him. And suddenly, he felt strong; all his worries went away.

Before Kai could adjust with his new emotion, another spangle struck his head and he saw through unfocused eyes, the image of Jihoon started to become blurry. He blinked for a second and when he opened his eyes back it was Park Jihye sitting in front of him, tears were on her eyes. He widened his eyes in shock, but just at the moment, Jihye’s face disappeared and Jihoon was in front of him again. And just like that, a swarm of voices attacked his head.

Are you by any chance related to Park Jihye?

Oh, you look really alike with my friend, Jihye.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but don’t you think it’s possible that Jihoon is actually a girl?

The dizziness struck his again and he fought to focus his eyes to the person in front of him; noticing that it was once again, back to Park Jihye. A second later, Jihoon appeared again, and Kai shut his eyes in pain. He couldn’t register what was happening, nor did he sure what he saw. All he knew was that be it Park Jihoon or Park Jihye, he wanted to erase the tears which were flowing from those beautiful eyes so bad.

_____

Taemin’s wings stopped flapping for a moment and Key who was flying nearest with him quickly approached; eyes full of anxiety. But Taemin didn’t stop, while Key’s hands which had reached out to support him were ignored. The worry looks the four cupid gave him was only vaguely registered in his head before he closed his eyes, gathering his remnant energy.

When he finally opened his eyes again, Kai was leaning to Jihoon’s face; until their lips pressed together. After that, everything as if happened like a flash. There was a very bright light covering Jihoon’s body for a few second, before each light faded and evaporated revealing Park Jihye, standing in her girl’s form again.

He could vaguely hear Sehun fell at the place he was hiding; his face was really pale because of shock. But Taemin’s eyes were quick to search Jihye again, noticing tears; this time of happiness, flowing from her eyes. He smiled happily seeing her blissful expression before his eyes turned white, his wings pierced back into his body and he fell to the four pair of hands which already waited to support his falling body down below. The last thing he remembered was witnessing her pulling Kai into a hug before all the light in his eyes faded and the consciousness disappeared.

_____

My name is Park Jihye, a high school student waiting for her graduation. Single; never been in a relationship; and not planning on being in one at the moment.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate boys.

Well, not really. Not to the extent of an anti or something. I have my own exception.

And because of it, I might consider my second statement again.

But as for now, I’m living a pretty, calm, peaceful life, blessed for being a girl, a single one at that, with friends, almost graduating from my all-girl-high-school-life, and hopefully with pretty good final grades.

Hell yeah, I’m perfect.

If only that crazy pissed off cupid would show up and at least bid me goodbye; I wouldn’t even ask for anything else. I promise.

As if answering to my thought, my tennis racket which disappeared the first day I met Taemin just popped out of nowhere at the place it used to be. Slightly gaping from the surprise, I quickly flung my head to the table, as if already expecting what I would see there.

I wasn’t disappointed; sitting there with a huge smile decorating his face, was Taemin. Two cupids got up from helping him to sit there, threw me a smile, and then disappeared with a loud pop sound.

Meanwhile, my eyes were fixed solely on Taemin, not even really care that two cupids I had never met just disappeared from my room. I watched Taemin standing with much difficulty and then realized, sadly, that he didn’t have his wings.

“I’m really sorry, and thank you.” I muttered with a low voice. Taemin waved his fingers at me pedantically, but his eyes made a witty sparkle.

“Don’t worry. You were right. It’s fun. Almost feels like a holiday.” he lied cheerfully and I forced a smile, trying to maintain the positive energy he emitted. “Minho Hyung said that you were really nice when he helped you getting out from the dorm that night. What is it? Double standard?’ he faked a pout while sitting again, earning my smile.

“Well, it’s hard to act annoying in front of a handsome face like his.” I answered wittily and Taemin really pouted this time.

“Alright, alright.” he rolled his eyes. “Onew Hyung said hello. And he praised you; saying that you were nothing like I said.”

“He’s cute; who would want to irritate him?” I teased Taemin. “Say hello to him too, and thanks. His work was splendid; no one questioned about me disappearing all thanks to him. Well, except for Hyo-”

“I’m cute too.” Taemin cut my words, extremely annoyed. Laughing, I approached him with sparkling witty eyes.

“I know, Taeby.” I grinned. “So what’s stopping this Taeby to visit me? It’s already over two months.” I continued, partly complaining.

“It’s hard to earn permission from Venus, she was really angry. Key Hyung worked really hard to ask her in my favor. Speaking of whom, he would pick me up soon. My time is limited. I just came to see how you are doing.” a sincere smile crept up in his face. “And you seem alright.” his eyes fell on boxes of things I already packed last night. My uncle would come to pick me up in a few hours. “You already agreed to live with his family?” he asked rhetorically.

“Yeah.” I nodded, couldn’t hide my beaming face. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try. I promised to move to his house after the final.”

“Good decision.” Taemin praised with a gentle expression before scanning his eyes on me; examining my cheery face. “So you are alright now?” he asked, smiling.

“Magnificent.” came my short, truthful answer. Just after I said it, the same two cupid appeared again, telling Taemin that his time was up.

“I know, I know. You guys are surely on time.” he sulked while the two help him getting up. “I only had fifteen minutes.” he informed me, shifting his gaze from the two good looking cupids.

“Jihye, they’re Key and Jonghyun Hyung. Hyungs, it’s Jihye.” he babbled fast. His face fell for a while, but he managed to force a smile when he stared right at me. “It’s time for me to go, Jihye.” Taemin continued regretfully. I could only nod, my mind was busy forming words; something that might prolong his stay with me, maybe.

But I didn’t come up with anything at all.

“Will I see you again?” I whispered at last. To my dismay, Taemin shook his head.

“No, it’s not in cupid’s culture. After we succeed with one client, we move on.”

“Change the culture, then.” I immediately said, earning a smile on Taemin’s face.

“We’ll see about that.” he grinned; Key and Jonghyun already put their hands on his side, ready to go. The sudden urge to grab him, to forbid him to go, appeared on my head, but I said the only thing I could say at the moment.

“I’ll miss you.” I said shyly. Taemin’s face was beaming when he answered before disappeared with the two other cupids.

“I’ll miss you too.”

_____

I totally understood why Taemin didn’t forbid me to brag about meeting cupid at all. No one would believe me. Proven, even Hyoyeon had the difficulty to not frown whenever I ensured her that the Park Jihoon she met several times was actually me. She would refuse to hear a single thing I utter which supported my statement that I was Jihoon, including saying the only things which supposedly known only by her and Jihoon. Hyoyeon would pout before shifting the topic.

Honestly, I had a feeling that she secretly believed my words but refused to admit it. I wouldn’t blame her. It was such a headache. The exact same reason why I cut all contact with the boys in the dorm, except for Baekhyun and Kai. I didn’t feel like explaining and it would be weird if I suddenly approach them and act too friendly, right?

Sehun might have a heart attack.

Speaking of whom, I met him once when I promised to meet Kai and he acted real strange. Asking me to punch him once; could you believe it?

Why are the guys who attracted to me such a weirdo? Strange.

And while we are speaking about the guys who are attracted to me, Hyoyeon couldn’t stop accusing me of lying to her when I said I was single. She said it couldn’t be, since Kai visited me too frequently and we called each other almost every day.

Hyoyeon was ecstatic at her assumption that Kai was my boyfriend, which ensured her that her best friend would not live a celibate life forever.

The bell rang telling me that my uncle and aunt had arrived, and I quickly got up, ready with my bags. I found my uncle and aunt in front, inviting them to sit for a while at the living room while me and Howon Oppa went to my room to pick up my belongings. He looked really happy, although same with Hyoyeon, he couldn't stop to ask about me and Kai every once in a while.

Honestly though, we were not in a relationship. Kai and I were good friends.

We needed more times. For me to learn to accept and trust him, and for him to learn to accept the fact that Jihoon was actually a girl which happened to be his best friend’s crush. It wasn’t easy to get over it, alright?

But I had a feeling that I knew what our relationship was going to be.

Don’t you?

End.

Yay, finally. Thank you everyone for reading and leaving your feedback. I really appreciate it.

And if you are wondering, there might be a sequel. Though if I would really post it, it wouldn't be in the near future. And once in a while, I plan to post side stories about Hoya, Kai, Sehun, the ghost and maybe other things I want to write. But that's not a promise. Starting from this chapter, my commitmen for this fic is done.

Did you enjoy the story? Please leave your comment below. ^^

And see you in other stories!

-hyo_jinki-