First of all, I want to apologize for the extremely late update. I don't have any excuse, really. Hope you still remember the story. xD And with that being said, thank you for subscribing:

minime96                         devil_angel204

ChicaKaieL                       puffy_989

Caroliny                            hippotodamax

mSyanagi                         dumbpeanut

Smartbutts                       doTtyxD

encitaeyang                     Blueinne

Silver                                  eiffelinlove18

ifa6214                              BeanBoom

kathyyle                            xbabysehun

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“It’s a good thing that boy always comes every Saturday.” she added again cheerfully.

“Excuse me, who?” I asked her, bewildered. She frowned at my question, seemed confused.

“You didn’t know? You came with him the last time. He is a good looking boy. What was his name again?” she pondered while tapping her chin before looking at me with a brightened expression when he finally remembered. “Oh, right! It’s Kai!”

_____

I didn’t remember how I managed to leave the hospital. The receptionist’s words kept playing in my ear like an echo.

He comes every Saturday. It’s Kai.

And like a flashback, images of Kai popped out in my mind. How he was never available every Saturday. How I thought he was busy with her girlfriends.

He just visited not long before you. You didn’t meet him? was what she asked me when I became mute at her revelation.

I’ll pass. I have something to do. Kai said that when he refused to go with us today. And I was really irritated at him. If only I knew.

Now I had played this scenario plenty times in my head; the day I come into a realization. I had thought I would be smiling brightly; heart as light as air with a pleasant tingle, contained with happiness. And the person I harbored the feelings for would be beside me, as perfect as I would imagine him to be, smiling back with as much gratitude to be with me. But the realization was painful in reality. My heart felt like being stabbed with a cold dagger and the dizziness struck, but the pain still wouldn’t go away. And Kai was not beside me. He was away, still reluctant to even see my face.

And my eyes started become teary when I finally realized the bitter truth my heart had been trying to avoid; unwilling to admit.

I fell in love with him.

_____

The road back to the dorm only vaguely registered on my mind. My head couldn’t stop thinking about Kai; the feelings I had for him and the detest he felt for me. And my own voice took over, echoing in my head as if mocking me, telling me how arrogant I was; how fatally mistaken I was.

If I had to love, it wouldn’t be with someone like Kai. If I was to have a relationship, Kai would be the last choice I make. How many times should I make it clear to Taemin, or you, to make both of you understand? I dislike Kai.

The irony. In the end it was the truth that one could not choose whom they would fall to. And I wasted the chance just because of my prejudice, until I ended up with Kai not even willing to look my way. The thought of the cold Kai crossed my head again and I shut my eyes in pain until a warm hand was suddenly on my shoulder and I looked up, already aware that I would exchange gaze with Taemin; a concerned expression was on his face.

“You are in human size again.” I commented the only thing I managed to think about while my head was like a fuzzy mess.

“It’ll make it easier, when my client needs a shoulder to lean on.” he said confidently with a teasing smirk. A weak chuckle unconsciously escaped my lips at his lame attempt to cheer me up. Taemin smiled widely, happy to see me at least able to smile.

“You are not angry again?” I asked him, keeping my embarrassed face on my laps. He shook his head eagerly, taking the seat on the bed, right beside me.

“I was never angry to begin with.” he stated, earning a look from me. “Okay, I was angry. For a short moment.” he feigned a pout before turning it into a laugh. “Aren’t you angry to me?

“Was.” I answered. “Not anymore; especially when you turn out to be right.” I added again with a sad weak smile. There was a moment of silence after I said it and when I thought Taemin was going to ask me what I was talking about, he patted my shoulder again, as if trying to give me a little strength.

“I know a good guy when I see one.” he chirped cheerfully, attempting to shift the gloomy mood into a brighter one. “Although even I could not guess that he would go as far as visiting your mom for you. That was touching.” Taemin made an acknowledging nod.

“You know?” I asked him with a confused expression, and Taemin responded with a nod.

“Just the same time when you did.” he answered. “I am often around, you know. I just prefer to be invisible. Especially when there was a chance that you would start throwing me with pillows like the exact same day we first met.” His grin left unseen as I lowered my head, the weariness from a while back suddenly struck again at the thought of a side of Kai I just found out at the hospital.

“Yeah, who would ever even think about it?” I muttered sadly. “He hid the best part of him too well.”

“The right hand gives, and the left hand doesn’t need to know.” Taemin cited with a rare sensibility. “Doesn’t that make him a better guy?” he gazed at me carefully, staring at me with a hopeful expression, confirming his expectation for me to acknowledge that Kai was a worthy guy after all.

He is everything I dislike in a guy, and I must be crazy if I want to be with someone like him.

“Indeed.” I managed to answer sadly, Maybe this is my punishment. After how much detest I felt; how many deriding words I said about him, I ended up being the losing one after all. Me and my bigotry. “A very good one.” I said, still partly drowned on my thought; trapped on the confusion over my real feelings. The one I had avoided to acknowledge for a long time already.

“So why are there tears in your eyes?” Taemin softly asked; and my hand automatically went to my eyes, surprised to see them wet from the tears. “Shouldn’t you be happy now? You know, for a cynical girl you really cry a lot.” he commented, chuckling.

“Well, it’s not like a can control it.” I answered with bleary eyes. “Blame him. And why should I feel happy? It’s messed up. I mean why should it be him? Why can’t it be Sehun instead? That way it would be way easier. I would be way happier and-”

“The best things come with sacrifices.” he cut my words, grinning. “And stop choosing things with your logic and start letting your heart to speak instead. What does it tell you?” he smiled, scanning my expression. There was no answer or any reaction from my side so he continued again, this time with much more seriousness in his tone. “I might not be the wisest creature in the whole world, but even me can tell you this; don’t choose the better guy, choose the one who would make you a better girl instead.”

“And what makes Kai the one that would make me a better girl?” I asked him, smiling weakly.

“Because he will make you feel happy.” Taemin began his answer, all the while keeping an intense gaze at me. “Because he cares about you, likes you, and most importantly, is the one who owns your heart. What other reasons would you need?” he asked back, grinning.

“Nice point.” I muttered, smiling bitterly. “Too bad I’m not in the position to choose now. If you were really around me often you would know that he barely talks to me. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

There was silence as I stared on my clutched hands, carefully avoiding his gaze which I knew was fixed on me, judging my feelings, considering what his reaction should be. It was Saturday and the situation outside was almost as quiet as it was in my room, but as if answering to our silence, our hesitancy, there was a voice I already longed to hear from outside.

“I think Sehun is not in his room.” I could vaguely heard Kai’s voice speaking to whatever it was outside with him. The response outside was not heard, or maybe I was too focused on the fact that Kai was outside, just a few steps away from me, to notice anything else. Taemin smiled a brotherly smile at my reaction, noticing how my head instantly jerked up at his voice and how I couldn’t take my eyes off the door since I knew he was near.

“Maybe it’s the perfect time to find out.” he tapped my back before disappearing again, leaving me alone, still staring at the door.

_____

Plan was an easy thing to be arranged, but actually doing it was a whole another problem. It was already Monday, two days after I planned to talk to Kai, but we were still distant and my intention to talk with him seemed even further away. I didn’t know if the other guys noticed our state now, but if they did, they didn’t show it. They always acted as if there was nothing wrong, which I was grateful for. It would be even more awkward if they really asked what was going on between us.

Kai finished the lunch first and claimed that he had something to do, and that was when I realized my chance.

“I finish eating.” I announced to no one in particular, all the while keeping an anxious gaze to Kai who already brought quite far by his long legs. Please, please, walk slower.

“But you haven’t finished your meal.” Baekhyun pointed out. Really, this guy loves to talk at the most inappropriate time.

“You can finish it up if you want.” I almost wanted to applaud myself at my sweet response, but I was too busy trying to catch up with Kai. I found him on the way back to dorm and unconsciously yelled out.

“Kai, wait!”

He instantly stopped and glanced back, already expecting that it was me judging from his expression.

“Hey.” he said dryly when I reached him, panting from the run.

“C-can we talk?” I cursed myself for stuttering but managed to keep a steady gaze at him. His expression was unreadable, but the smile of relief appeared on my face when he finally nodded.

“Sure. Here?” he asked politely, the distant manner made me almost flinched but I was determined to act stubborn. Now or never. I checked my surroundings, examining.

“Here would be fine.” I answered finally. Kai simply nodded as he leaned on the nearest wall, waiting for me to talk.

“So what is it?” he asked at last when my voice still wouldn’t come out after a quite long pause. The tone was flat, dimming my courage, but I had no choice. I had to talk to him if I didn’t want to regret it later. Inhaling my breath, I finally was able to fix my eyes on his face bravely.

“Why are you avoiding me?” came my question, and I could see Kai almost instantly opened his mouth to protest; his brows furrowed, but I gave him no chance to say anything. “And I don’t need you to elude this question anymore since it’s obvious anyway. You wouldn’t look at me if it weren’t necessary. We rarely talked. I wouldn’t mind if we were not close to begin with, but we were. So why?” my voice cracked up as I raised my tone in fury and I stopped, collecting myself again. I needed to compose myself. We needed to talk, not to be involved in another quarrel. The passerby gave us a weird look after hearing my heated tone, and we were quiet for a while, both still haven’t found a word to clear the situation, to calm it down. Kai was avoiding my gaze, frowning with disturbance but still said nothing; and I ended up being the one who talked again, but this time being much more serene than I had ever been for those few days.

“You visit my mom.” I said; staring at him intently. “Regularly.”

It did the work to create other expression on Kai’s face other than disruption. He finally stared back at me resignedly.

“You found out.”was all he managed to say. I put what I hoped to be a calm smile on my face when I nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked him softly, watching as the blush of pink appeared on his face.

“There’s no need.” he shrugged, pretending to not care. “I merely went in your place. And it was just a few weeks, and a brief visit each.” The tint was still on his cheeks, betraying his intention to appear indifferent.

“Thank you.” I said sincerely, feeling a slight amuse on his attempt to hide his embarrassment.

“No problem.” he shrugged again. “Just make sure to visit her more often, okay?” he added again, scratching his head awkwardly. There was a gauche pause again after I nodded, and Kai was lost for any other things to say or do except for nodding his head slightly to show a response.

“You still do it even last Saturday, even when we were not talking to each other so I guess it’s safe to assume that we are friends?” I said with quivering lips. “We are at least still friends, right?” I asked again, couldn’t hide the hopeful tone in my voice. “So why are we like this now? What did I do wrong?” I cracked my voice again, and then realized eerily that my eyes were already hot. Cursing myself, I fluttered my eyes fast, wanting to chase away the tears which already threatened to come out. Why am I such a crybaby?

Kai’s face fell seeing it and he reached out his hand before taking it back again, clutching it into a fist.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” his voice trembled hard. “The problem is, I don’t see you as a friend Jihoon. Not anymore.”

I'll try to write the next chapter asap, and it's a final chapter btw. Can I expect your long long comments by then? xD