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ninacchi

Minjime

Sehun was still standing with his hands on his pocket, totally unalert. With one swift movement, I grabbed his collar and made one quick pull. Sehun was too shocked to do anything; or to defend himself. The last thing I caught was his widened eyes and a loud gasp from behind the bushes before our lips pressed together.

­­_____

My eyes were closed as I waited in delight for my body to change, still keeping our lips together. Finally, Sehun recovered from his shock and managed to push me away; his face paled.

Well, I can’t blame him. His friend just turned into a girl, in front of his eyes.

“What was that for?” he howled, rubbing his lips with the back of his hand, full of disgust.

“I can explain, Sehun.” I said calmly, almost at the same time with his question. But I immediately stopped the moment I heard my own voice.

Wait.

No, it can’t be.

Bewildered, I felt my face; from lips to my jaw, before going to my still short hair. I threw my hand to my chest without thinking, dying to confirm the situation. It was as flat as a paper.

I was still a boy.

Vaguely, I heard Sehun’s scoff and his rusting sound of steps before it disappeared. But I somehow couldn’t register the fact that he just left me with fury. I couldn’t even quite understand the situation at all. I kissed him. So why am I still a girl?

A panic suddenly struck me. How can it be? I was so sure. I should have been back into a girl now. I kissed him; we like each other; so what piece isn’t there? There must be a mistake. It couldn’t be like this. I threw a hand to my hair, grabbing a flock of hair in frustration. My eyes started to become hot and watery and I roughly rubbed it, still feeling numb.

A hand reached my shoulder and I gazed up to see Taemin staring at me; standing in his full human size. His eyes were full of concern as he stared, examining my condition.

“Taemin, what do I do now? What should I do?” I whispered with trembling lips, a hot drop of tears escaped my eyes and trickled down my cheek. Taemin wiped it away, his face fell with sympathy.

“I’m really sorry, Jihye.” he pulled me into his embrace, patting my back. “It’s all going to be fine. I promise.”

_____

It was embarrassing.

It was embarrassing as hell.

How could I lose control like that? And to think I was crying on Taemin’s shoulder; ugh, I must had lost my mind completely. You’re screwed, Jihye. Totally screwed. How do you think you could face Taemin after this, you idiot tears river.

“You shouldn’t have cried!” I exclaimed to myself like a lunatic. And right after that, I threw my gaze around nervously. Taemin wouldn’t be here, right?

“So why were you crying?” a voice said; a really scary echoed voice I might add. I turned my head slowly to the direction the voice came, knowing exactly who was it talking to me with such a scary voice.

“Hello.” the ghost smiled creepily. And how on earth does she still here? I though she found her peace or whatever. I had nothing against her, nothing personal.

She just plain scary.

“H-hello.” I stuttered, silently taking a few steps backward, praying hard that she wouldn’t notice it.

Apparently, she did.

The ghost flew closer to me, narrowing the space and stopped only half meter away with a mischievous-creepy smile on her face.

“Why were you crying?” she repeated her question, tilting her head and made that weird movement of neck again. Her eyes twinkled red as she waited for my reply.

Uh, a little space, please?
“I was frustrated.” I squeaked, my voice screeched weirdly because of the fear. Unfortunately, the ghost wasn’t seemed to give me a little space as she should have done. In fact, I was so close to crying again seeing her that up-close. “Since I was so sure that he was the one, the disappointment was doubled-, no, tripled. Not to mention I felt bad for Sehun. I practically gave him a hope by delaying the answer. Now I can only say no to him.” I added again gloomily. Strange, how despised my fear and timid self around this ghost, it was way easier to talk to her than I did with Taemin. Maybe because it was the fact that she was a girl. Or maybe because she wasn’t involved in the matters. Or maybe simply because I only need someone to talk; someone who would understand; someone who is mature enough.

And Taemin, no matter how nice he was, couldn’t offer that kind of maturity to me.

“I see.” she nodded, scanning my expression. “Don’t feel too bad though, it wasn’t one sided; the feeling.”

“You mean-?” I asked her with questioning eyes, partly confused. If it wasn’t one-sided, is that mean I like Sehun too? So why won’t the curse disappear?

“The feeling.” she repeated. “I told you, didn’t I? Quite a long time ago. I’ve warned you. There are three people who have feelings for you, here. Two of which really like you for you, and the third one thought he does while he actually doesn’t.” she added meaningfully. “Sehun is the third person.”

I couldn’t help myself from scoffing hearing that ridiculous statement. From three people she claimed liking me (if that was even the truth), I only found Sehun. And now she is saying that Sehun is the one who doesn’t like me?

What a joke.

“I don’t want to sound conceited here, but Sehun has been keeping feelings for me for over two years.” I stated matter-of-factly. “And he just confessed yesterday with the most adorable way I could imagine. So how could you say that about him?”

The ghost shook her head.

“No, I wasn’t saying that he wasn’t sincere or something along the line.” she began. “He just misinterpreted his own feeling. He really thinks he likes you, didn’t I tell you that?” she threw her gaze to the wall which bordered my room with Sehun’s. “Poor kid.” she added again, her face fell a little.

 “What did you mean-?” I tried to argue, but the ghost stopped me.

“I know your story with him.” she stated firmly. “Trust me, I know. I even have known before you do, even though I didn’t know that it was you, the girl he thought he liked. The story of how he liked you might sound sweet, romantic even. But that was it. Does he know anything about you except the things anyone would know through stories? Did he ever talk to you before claiming that he fell for you? Does he know what would make you angry and what would make you sad? I won’t talk about your favorite things because everyone could know that easily, but does he?”

The ghost stopped, staring at me as if daring me to say something, to oppose everything, to reply her with something that could defend Sehun’s two years feelings.

But I couldn’t come up with anything.

Because the answer to all her questions was a big no. Sehun never knows everything about me.

“And when he gets a chance to know you better,” she continued again, this time with  much more tenderness, “has he ever really clicked with you? Has he ever really interested with, not Park Jihye, but the Park Jihoon who actually shares personality, interest, and everything to his so-called-crush except the appearance?”

She stopped again, waiting for my answer. I stared back at her defensively, feeling strangely annoyed, feeling a bit offended.

But still I couldn’t say anything. Because deep inside I knew she stated the truth.

“He hasn’t.” she answered her own questions softly. “I’m not saying you aren’t lovable, Jihye, absolutely not. I’m just saying that Sehun doesn’t catch that charm of yours. He likes Park Jihye. The pretty girl who caught his interest; who seemed independent and doesn’t act like any other girls he used to know; who doesn’t pay any interest to every guy who meets her way. The Park Jihye who has everything he searches for in a girl. He likes Park Jihye, but he doesn’t like you; the true you.”

“And you are the same.” the ghost smiled. “Have you ever really liked him? You know the answer yourself, right?”

I didn’t answer her. My head suddenly felt dizzy. I walked slowly to the bed and sat on it, while the ghost followed behind and took a spot beside me.

“Both of you never like each other. It is admiration. But it isn’t love, Jihye, no matter how much you wanted it to be.”

_____

The clock struck ten. Sighing, I put on the wig hardheartedly. I had told Sehun I would come to the dorm to give him the answer in a little while.

I passed the corridor smoothly and waited at the gate, inserting my wig to my pocket and let my long hair disheveled. There’s no need to meet at any other place. I want to get it over as soon as possible.

From a distance I could see Sehun’s walking figure. Early, as he always been. I forced a sad smile in my face. I really don’t want to do this.

Sehun reached me with a shy smile. I waited quite nervously to see if he noticed anything familiar because I simply wore Jihoon’s t-shirt and jeans, the aqua blue one Taemin claimed was uni.

Sehun’s eyes were stuck on my face, and I managed to make a smile of relief again. My hand moved uncomfortably in my other pocket, the one I kept the letter in.

“We really should have met in your house instead. How can you come here alone at night? It’s dangerous.” he nagged for the first time to me.

I almost laughed bitterly at the irony of the little hint of familiarity. The only thing I always disliked about Sehun was his timidity around me, how he became half-mute and scaredy all of a sudden. And he just nagged at me.

He’s started to become more comfortable around me, I realized sadly. If only we have more time. We already admire each other; it’s only one more step to get to like each other. Why can’t it be him?

 “My friend accompanied me here. She’s waiting not far away.” I lied with a forced smile, seeing poignantly when Sehun relaxed a bit at my answer. And I should hurt him now.

“This is my answer.” I handed the letter to him, looking on my own feet. “I wrote it here.”

Sehun accepted the letter hesitantly, not quite sure what it meant until I dared myself to look at his face again.

“I’m really sorry.” I said, confirming the content of the letter. Sehun was stoned for a while, his face fell. It wasn’t until a while before he managed to take hold of himself and put a sad smile.

“So it’s a no.” he said, struggling to keep his face calm.

“I’m really sorry, Sehun.” this time I lowered my face again, not being able to face his pained expression.

_____

I waited fifteen minutes after Sehun went inside before putting on the wig again. The road back to the dorm felt extremely heavy, I felt extremely tired. And his sad face just a while ago was not helping at all. It’s not like it wasn’t hard for me too, and he just had to make it harder.

I wasn’t paying attention at all on the way back, and not until I reached my room and took out the key that I realized Baekhyun was standing there, looking at me gapingly from head to toe; holding a book in one hand. He gawked at my girl’s face, to the wig which covered my hair, and stopped at my t-shirt; Jihoon’s t-shirt.

It took him a while to register the situation and realized who the girl wearing wig standing in front of him was. His eyes were unusually widened when he mentioned my name, finally.

“Park Jihye?” he asked, unsure. After all he only met me at the cake shop months ago and briefly when I entered this room after the ball. But he threw his gaze at the t-shirt again, thinking hard. “It’s Jihoon’s t-shirt, right? I remember. I folded it myself. So, how come-”

He gazed at me again, frowning, desperate to put the pieces of puzzle together. His eyes fell to the key in my hand, and that was when his eyes widened more with realization.

“The list.” he suddenly said. “You wrote them. But that means..”

_____

Sehun read the letter in his hand for the tenth time already, but it wasn’t enough to make him accept the things written there. He couldn’t believe his two years crush ended just like that. He didn’t even feel that he had put enough effort; so why should it end so fast?

He rubbed his eyes roughly until it felt hurt, and started reading again, as if he could find different answer in the letter that way.

Sehun,

First of all I need you to know how touched I was by your confession. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done to me and I forever grateful for that.

I’m not good with words so I wasn’t confident that I could deliver my feelings properly if I talk directly to you. What if you mistook me? What if I say it wrong? You deserve to hear everything. To know everything I really feel. So I make this letter and can only hope that I won’t screw up even this.

I’m sure you know exactly what my answer would be by now, but what I want to offer now is an explanation.

You might have known, I’m not familiar with guy. I even have always thought that no guy would ever stand a chance with me. I was full of prejudice, and I’m not proud of it. But you are different. You are a great guy that even I, with my prejudices, couldn’t find anything to oppose that fact. I really wanted us to stand a chance together. If I could choose; if only I had the strength to control my feelings, it would definitely be you.

But I can’t.

So here I am, doing the thing that I know I will totally regret later. But no matter how much I wanted it to be; it’s still not you in the end. You might think that it was a typical ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ rejection, but it wasn’t. It was totally the truth.

It’s also hard for me to say this, but I can’t accept your feelings, Sehun.

I’m really sorry.

If you wouldn’t mind, do we stand a chance as friends instead?

Park Jihye

No, no matter how much he read it, the letter still read that way, that Jihye had rejected him. It hurt so much. Before he got a chance to know her, he always gave the same excuse to himself; that it was just the situation didn’t favor them; that should they were given the chance to know each other Jihye might like him back.

But Jihye already knew him, and it was still a ‘no’.

Sehun’s face fell as he stared at the letter until he realized something. He scanned the paper again, wanting to confirm, frowning hard.

Was he only imagining things?

_____

Baekhyun exited Jihoon’s room only to find Sehun walking out from his room. Both of their face changed. Baekhyun paled, while Sehun only filled with curiosity.

“You just met Jihoon?” Sehun asked, asking the obvious. Baekhyun just nodded, to which Sehun also nod. Sehun hesitated a bit. He really wanted to confirm something with Jihoon, but he couldn’t face him just yet. Not after Jihoon kissed him just this afternoon. He gazed at Baekhyun, suddenly getting an idea.

“Hey, Baekhyun. Do you still keep the list?” he asked. If only his mind wasn’t occupied with what bugged him, he would realize that Baekhyun stiffened up at the question.

“What list?” Baekhyun asked back, his eyes scanned Sehun anxiously.

“The list you found in Jihoon’s book. The one about why he hated guy. Or do you still keep his book? That would do.” he asked hopefully. To his dismay, Baekhyun quickly shook his head, looking strangely nervous.

“I just returned it to him.” came his answer. Sehun’s face fell with disappointment. Baekhyun examined his expression, confused, and spoke again. “Why don’t you ask him yourself?” he suggested.

“Er. Maybe later.” Sehun replied, not looking Baekhyun’s way. And just then Baekhyun realized what made Sehun hesitated; the kiss, the one he witnessed himself, together with his friends.

Sehun would be shocked if he knew the truth behind the kiss.

“What do you need it for anyway?” he asked at last; it wasn’t like Sehun to borrow other’s book. Except for- Baekhyun face stiffened anxiously when he thought about the possibility. Is it the handwriting? Does Sehun want to check Jihoon’s handwriting?

Sehun didn’t answer. Instead, he kept his gaze at Jihoon’s door, as if deep in thought.

“Nothing.” he replied with a low voice at last. It’s just- nothing. I might have thought too much.”

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I'm sad too. Sehun is my fav from EXO-K tbh. Just wish the best for Jihye? xD

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