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“Anyways, as I said, I have looked around, and considering that there’s not much guy worthy enough here,” Hoye threw me a glare hearing this but I continued bravely, “I had narrowed it down into only Sehun. I choose him. It’s him for me.”

_____

I stared at Hoya and Taemin to see their reaction. Hoya’s face was still rather dark, although it was obvious that he tried hard to control his expression. Taemin however, quite contradictive with his initial reaction when I mentioned Sehun’s name, was now looking a bit distracted as if he was thinking really hard.

“Why? It can’t be him?” I asked, slightly offended by the reactions I got. Hoya didn’t say a word, but Taemin opened his mouth hesitantly.

“Sehun is okay. But you could consider Kai. I see you are really close with him and he is a nice guy too and definitely likes to be around you. I personally think you’ll match him more.” he said carefully.

Yeah, because your opinion is extremely important. Sarcasm intended.

“Sehun practically confessed to me the day you turned me into a guy.” I said flatly. “And mind you, if I ever have a boyfriend, it wouldn’t be someone as erted, unfaithful, and self-centered like Kai.” I added again, feeling insulted.

“Oh, right. It’s settled, then. Now how do you plan to get him to kiss you?” Taemin asked cheerfully, clearly ignoring my last emotional statement. Hoya flinched a little hearing the word kiss; oh, my conventional cousin.

“I got something planned. You have to help me later though.” I answered, giving him a glare as if daring him to say no.

“Consider it done.” the mischievous cupid replied with a wide grin.

_____

“Seriously? This is your plan?” Taemin asked in a disbelief tone when he stood behind me in front of Sehun and Suho’s room’s door.

“Shut up. You said you would help me out. Just pushed me hard when he opened the door, okay?” I whispered sulkily to him.

“But that would be an accident. Not a kiss.” Taemin protested. I gave him a glare. How long would I have to wait until Sehun turned gay for me? Probably forever.

“Did the book say anything about kissing passionately? Two lips pressed together is considered a kiss too.” I argued, frowning. Fortunately, Taemin was shut off by my argument, and I, holding my breath, knocked on the door.

“What if the other guy opened the door instead?” Taemin whispered.

“Shush. I checked. Suho is not in the room.” I shot him a warning look to shut him up before knocking on the door again. This time, I was lucky because there came Sehun’s answer from inside.

“Wait a second.” he answered lazily. I threw a meaningful look to Taemin, silently signaling him to go with the plan. Taemin made a nervous nod, and both of us waited for the door to be opened anxiously.

Sehun opened the door widely.

“Oh, what’s up Ji-” he greeted, but he never was able to finish the sentence since right at the moment, Taemin pushed me hard towards him. Sehun opened his eyes wide in surprise as I fell and pushed him down to the floor with me.

The scenario: I would fall on top of him with our lips pressed together just like what usually happened in the movies.

The fact: We fell hard onto the floor, and not only that it was hurt, I ended up kissing his shirt.

Screw my height. If only that stingy cupid gave me twenty centimeters more of height I might have succeeded on landing on his lips instead of his shirt.

Sehun got up abruptly and pushed me off him. Totally gentle. If I was a girl I would slap you on the face, Sehun, seriously.

“What was that?” he groaned, rubbing his probably aching back. I got up slowly, trying hard to hide the embarrassment.

“Sorry, I tripped.” I replied, scratching my head awkwardly. Sehun grumbled an ‘it’s okay’ before going to his bed, still rubbing his back.

First attempt: major fail.

_____

There was totally different atmosphere in the dorm these days. Boys started to dress up more, spraying whatever horrible scent of perfumes to their body, and enthusiastic murmurs could be heard occasionally. It was obvious that valentine would arrive in just two days.

What’s so great about valentine, anyway? I personally think it’s just the strategy from the chocolate factories to sell their products. Seriously, who could explain the origin of giving chocolate in valentine? And moreover, the idea of the girls giving the boys chocolate is plain ridiculous. Why can’t the guys do that instead, and girls could be the one giving the white’s day gift? Why should guys be the one receiving, and giving the presents back if they feel like it? And people call me ist. As if the idea of valentine isn’t ist enough.

I will never give a chocolate to any guy, period. And even if I would do it with my future boyfriend (only the thought of it made me shivered already), we could exchange chocolate instead. Now that would be fair.

All girls should think like me, really. That way life would be much easier.

Anyways, I was sitting on a bench at a quieter side of the school lawn, trying to avoid the terrible valentine atmosphere. Unfortunately, the desolate place wasn’t even in my favor.

“You are a jerk!” shouted a girl’s voice. Please, people, can’t I have my quiet time? And what is the girl doing here anyway. I’m a girl too, but you know what I meant. Imagine how shocked I was seeing Kai walking from the direction the sound was coming, rubbing his red cheek.

Sorry, did I say I was shocked? I shouldn’t say that. It was totally expected from him to get yelled at and get a slap on the face. I hope that was hurt.

“Getting dumped?” I said, grinning. Kai’s eyes widened in surprise seeing me there and he took off his hand from his cheeks awkwardly. Bad move, because the red mark showed even clearer now.

“More like I dumped her.” he grumbled sulkily, sitting beside me. Excuse me, but who told you to sit there?

“Okay then, if it would be less humiliating for you.” I shrugged, earning a glare from him.

“I was really the one ending it with her, okay?” he raised his voice, feeling insulted. I gave him a look. Is it really that important?

“Okay, then. Who is this poor new girl?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Kai frowned at the question; his lips formed a little pout.

“No one.” he replied shortly. I gave my full interest on him now, hearing the totally unexpected answer. From what I know, if Kai left a girl, he already had a new one beforehand.

“Really? Why?” I interrogated curiously. Kai seemed disturbed, as if the question had been bugging him as well.

“I’m not thinking straight lately.” he answered at last, not looking my way.

No. You never thought straight anyway.

“Maybe you should stop changing girls so often.” I commented wisely. “I don’t even understand what’s good about having many girlfriends. Do you have bad experience with girls in the past or what?”

“Nothing. It just feels good knowing that all those girls want me.” he shrugged.

Jerk. And here I am trying to give you an excuse for your disgusting behavior.

I got up without saying a word and attempted to leave, but Kai stopped me.

“Hey, where are you going?” he called, also getting up.

None of your business.

“Nowhere.” I mumbled, started walking, but Kai’s long feet easily caught up with my pace and he walked relaxively beside me. I stopped and glared at him sulkily. This guy surely knows how to get on my nerves.

“Why are you following me?” I groaned. Kai had his hands on his pockets and shrugged casually.

“Why? I can’t?” he asked, feigning hurt.

“I kinda have something personal to do. So, yes.” I answered flatly and quickly walked away before Kai even got to say a thing.

_____

“It’s been a long time, Mom. I’m terrible, ain’t I?” I said gently, holding my mom’s hand.  My mom stared at me lovingly, putting her other hand on top of my hands.

“Jihoo, I miss you so much.” she whispered, her eyes never once left my face. I sighed. It’s still my dad the most important person for her, isn’t it?

I held my breath and tried hard to fake a smile.

“I miss you too. Really miss you.” I whispered back, and a drop of tears trickled down my cheek. My mom looked panicked and she quickly took her hand of my hold to wipe the tears.

“Why are you crying?” she said softly. “Don’t cry, Jihoo.”

“I’m just happy.” I said with a hoarse voice. “I’m happy to see you being happy like this.”

Even if it meant I have to pretend to be my dad forever.

My mom smiled and pulled me into a hug. A real long hug.

_____

I quitted the room only to face Kai staring awkwardly at me. Realizing there must still be traces of tears on my cheeks, I casually tried to wipe it off without being to obvious.

“What are you doing here?” I tried, and failed, to sound as if I didn’t care.

“I followed you.” he replied while scratching the back of his head, carefully not looking on my face.

“And they let you in?” I asked in disbelief, ready to throw a tantrum.

“I said I was your friend, and since I came in right after you, it was indeed sound legit. Please don’t be mad on the nurses.” he begged.

Oh, no. I would be too busy being mad on you.

I threw him an angry look and without saying a word, getting ahead of him to leave the place. Kai followed me in unusual silent.

“Sorry.” he mumbled after a long time. I sighed.

“It’s okay. There’s nothing to hide anyway.” I answered at last, giving him a tiny smile.

“May I know who that was?” he whispered, picking his words carefully.

“That was my mom.” I said, as casual as I could. “She has been like that since my dad passed away, and don’t make that kind of face.” I added again, genuinely smiling this time. “I’m used to it already. I’m fine. And she seems happy so I won’t ask for more.”

I stared at him, daring him to utter the condolences words, the cliché sympathetic words I have heard so many times before. But to my surprise, Kai didn’t say a word. He put his right hand on my shoulder, gently tapping it. His face was looking straightly to the road, giving me time to show my real emotion without fear of him looking. On that slight moment, I felt like we had shared so many things; and quite strangely, it felt totally fine with me.