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Hoya dropped me near the dorm only several minutes after six. From the corner of my eyes I could see that he discreetly grimaced when my body automatically turned back into a guy, and I made an amused smile.

“I would never get used to it.” he grumbled. I simply shrugged, fixing my suddenly tight clothes a little.

“You don’t need to.” I answered. “Because I’ll be normal again soon enough.”

Yeah, soon enough even though I practically still didn’t have any candidate to kiss. Nice confidence, Jihye.

The car stopped near the dorm’s entrance and I quickly checked if I had any stuffs left in Hoya’s car. Satisfied with what I saw, I gazed up to thank him but his eyes were fixed on something in the rear view.

“Well, good luck with that.” he mumbled, and as soon as I got off from the car, he pressed the gas and left. I waved at the car as it was sheering off, and then shifted my gaze away, sighing.

“Back to the school, I guess.” I mumbled to myself. Vaguely, I heard a sound of footsteps approaching, and I immediately tensed up. Is it one of the teachers?

Very slowly, I took a glance behind, mentally preparing myself for a speech or even detention. But I met gaze with Kai instead; his hair was wet with sweat and he was cleaning off himself with a small towel, all the while keeping his gaze at me with a weird expression.

“You just finished jogging?” I asked friendly, but Kai already shifted his gaze to the road, where the car just took off.

“Was that Hoya? It seemed like his car.” he asked, still not looking my way. I nodded hesitantly. He still seemed distant even though we were making a conversation; just the two of us. Kai made a bitter smirk as I nod, still looking at anything except me. We walked slowly entering the dorm’s lawn, and it was when Kai decided to speak again; his voice sounded like a mix of bitterness and anger.

“Friendly, aren’t you?” he commented with that bitter smirk again. “No wonder he was so protective with you.”

The sarcastic tone got me glaring at him, extremely vexed.

“Okay, what is this about?” was all I could say despised my annoyance, staring at him defiantly. Kai simply shrugged, still not willing to look my way.

“Nothing.” he shortly replied, making me irked even more.

“Don’t say ‘nothing’ that easily, okay? You are acting strange, right now!” I compelled, still not willing to let his go with his typical nothing-is-going-on act. “And you already acted strange since a few days ago, since-, since the thing between me and Sehun.” I continued again angrily. Kai’s face was unreadable when he made another short reply.

“Really?” he mumbled, but contrary to what might be his intention, his eyes hardened when I brought the topic up.

“What is your problem, actually?” I stopped walking; my voice rose up in fury. “Because you’re clearly avoiding me and that because of what? Because you think I’m gay?” I made a sarcastic laugh. “So you despise me now?”

The road to the dorm was quiet and there was still no one in sight, making my question sounded very clear as if I was yelling it off. This time Kai gazed at me; there was a disturbed expression on his face. Or was it anger?

“Don’t say anything like that.” he warned, his face seemed rigid. “No one despises you.”

“Oh, really?” I raised my brows cynically. “So what is it called? For your information, Kai, you don’t know anything. So don’t be so quick and judge me as you wish.” I continued again, judging his expression which looked as frustrated.

“No, you’re the one who doesn’t know anything.” he whispered dangerously. “You totally have no idea, Jihoon. So don’t be that quick to judge me either.” he threw me a last glance before stomping away, leaving me far behind. There was something in his expression that I never saw before. Was it just anger? Or sadness?

Something clogged my throat, and I quickly took a deep breath, trying to maintain a steady expression.

I don’t care about him. I certainly not.

_____

“Here’s your book, Jihye.” Sehun handed me the book before the school started. I made a stiff smile, glancing Kai’s way. He was chatting cheerfully with his other friends in the class. It was ironic, how he used to approach me when I wholeheartedly wished he would leave me alone, and I ended up looking for him when he wouldn’t even give me a single glimpse.

“Okay.” I finally shifted my gaze back to Sehun.”So, is there something different with your own note?” I continued, struggling to not take a glance back again even though I could clearly hear Kai’s usual tone at the back, as if we hadn’t had that argument in the morning. How could that be possible, that he left that heated morning at the back of his head when I couldn’t even get it out of my mind? That was unfair. I couldn’t stay like this anymore. He wasn’t even worth it to begin with, so why would I think about him?

I fixed my attention back to Sehun, waiting for his reply. Sehun didn’t answer me directly. In fact, he stared at me with that unreadable expression of him. And then he frowned slightly, as if struggling to decide whether to say something or not.

“Not really.” he said at last. “But it’s still helping. So, thank you.”

I shrugged at his second gratitude.

“No biggie.” I replied shortly and then shifted my eyes to the front again, assuming that Sehun would go back to his own seat as he usually did. But Sehun was still standing beside me with his hand on my seat’s back rest, looking drowned in a deep contemplation. I threw him a questioning look, raising a brow, and that was when he took his leave hesitantly.

I watched Sehun walking back to his seat, and automatically my gaze fell to Kai again. This time he noticed my stare, and once again his eyes hardened the way they were this morning.

And I never realized that my heart could sink that much over trivial things like that.

_____

I don’t care about Kai.

I don’t care about Kai.

I don’t care-

“Jihye, you’re coming with us to the movie after school, right?” Baekhyun asked as we were lining up for the lunch that day. I threw him a startled look. What was he thinking calling me by my real name?

“It’s Jihoon, okay?” I hissed, taking the tray back to our table, followed by Baekhyun. From afar I could see Kai’s fat expression; his specially reserved expression for me, and I seriously considered to sit at another table.

“No one hears us.” Baekhyun pouted, but still pulling the chair for me. Chanyeol’s disgusted expression followed the both of us as I sat on the chair, while Suho spoke up.

“Hear what?” he asked casually. The idiot Baekhyun threw me an eerie look, but fortunate enough, I managed to reply Suho calmly.

“Nothing.” I shrugged. Suho simply nod, continued with his own meal with no suspicion; but my gaze automatically fell to Kai again, whom still eating as if there were no one talking.

Really, I should have sat at another table.

“All of you really can’t go to the movies with us? So it’s still me, Chanyeol, and Jihoon?” Baekhyun surveyed with a hopeful look, only to be responded by some shrug and Kyungsoo’s bitter expression.

“Don’t remind me about that again. If it wasn’t for this class’ task I would have gone with you all.” he commented sourly. The others laughed at his misfortune, and that was when I remembered something.

“Oh, sorry guys. I forgot that I have something to do this afternoon.” I exclaimed, surprised by my own forgetfulness. I had abandoned it since I didn’t know how long. Was it already a month? Or more?

“Seriously?” Baekhyun replied, looking extremely annoyed. “So it’s me and him alone? I’d rather pass.” he continued with a sour expression. Chanyeol glanced at him in disbelief after his remark.

“As if I would love to go to the movies together with you. I’d rather sleep.” he protested with a slight pout. “Why can’t you go, anyway?” Chanyeol continued again, this time pointing the question to me.

“Uh, I have something to do.” I replied vaguely, grimacing. Chanyeol rolled his eyes at the answer, while Baekhyun kept his gloomy expression.

“You and Kai are a match made in heaven. Clearly, you have something to do, but what is that?” he murmured, his face looked sulk. From the corner of my eyes I could detect Kai’s head snapped at the innocent remark, but he quickly shifted to the food again, pretending as if his name hadn’t mentioned at all. I stared at Chanyeol with a peevish expression. Did he really have to bring Kai into this? Really, at a time like this?
“I don’t have to go into the detail, do I?” I grumbled, swirling my cola into a whirling spiral.

And Kai still wouldn’t look my way.

_____

“I’m sorry I hadn’t come for a while, Mom. Are you doing fine?” I said softly, clutching her hand in mine. My mom threw me a delighted, worshipping look. Her face was lightened up when she answered; her eyes sparkling with happiness.

“I miss you, Jihoo.” she whispered, placing her other hand in top of mine tenderly. I almost had no energy to feel disappointed; to feel dejected. What was it she loved in him so much that she kept the feeling even though my dad left with another woman, leaving us with practically nothing? What was so special about him that she would always search for her Jihoo, not for her daughter who always visited her regularly?

“I miss you too, Mom.” I replied tiredly, bringing her hands to my cheek. My mom smiled really wide at the gesture and she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmness.

“Who are you?” a cold voice asked and I immediately jerked up, releasing her hand. Standing by the door was a middle-aged man with dapper clothing. His countenance was strict and aloof, but the resemblance with the woman lying down on the bed was striking.

I froze there, eye to eye with a man I loathed, which mere sight I detested almost as I much as his detest on mine.

My uncle stared at me, looking as surprised as I was. But the surprise was fleeting and quickly replaced by a cold one. He approached me with repugnance in his eyes, quick to stand between me and his so-called-beloved sister.

“Who are you?” he repeated again with a voice which sent chill down my spine. I put on a defying face, rejecting to be intimidated by his insolence.

“I am Jihye’s friend.” I kept a steady voice although my hand was already wet with cold sweat. He wouldn’t believe me. My resemblance with my dad was too conspicuous.

“The receptionist in front said that a cousin of Jihye is visiting.” he refuted with a disbelief look. “So who are you to him?” his voice hardened by the mention of the last word, scanning me with revulsion. I didn’t have to ask to find out which ‘him’ he referred to. There was only one man my uncle had that much antipathy for.

“Sorry, what did you mean?” I feigned calmness, “Jihye only said I was a cousin to make it easier for me to replace her visiting Mrs. Eunhye. I am her friend from junior high school.” I explained. My uncle still sent me a skeptical look, though not with as much abhorrence as before. “My apologize sir, but who are you?” I asked him, pretending to be oblivious. He frowned a bit by the question, displeased that a stranger whose identity he hadn’t yet to belief started to question him instead.

“You are her friend?” he ensured, each word he uttered sounded full with doubt. “What is your name?”

“Park Jihoon, sir.” I answered decorously, though every inch of my body wanted to scream that I had way more right to be there to be questioned like that by a man who only pretended to care. At the mentioned of the name, the skeptical look returned to his face, and I waited with wary. He shouldn’t link me with my dad. Park was way too common of a family name.

“And where is Jihye?” he asked as skeptically. “And why are you here to replace her? Are you-?” a questioning expression crossed his face but he decided to not continue his words, examining me again with a renewed curiosity.

“I’m her best friend.” I lied; my cheek felt numb because of the faked smile. “And Jihye has something comes up. School.” my explanation was short, but it wasn’t seemed like he truly interested in it either. He had made a curt nod following my answer, and then there were silence again.

“Jihye,” he began, his entire face furrowed with vacillation as he struggled to string up the words. “-is she alright?”

I stared at him, flabbergasted. From all of things I thought he would talk about concerning me, the question of whether I was alright would not even made the list.

“She is- alright.” I managed to answer, a bit stuttering from the shock. He nodded again, before making yet another furrowed face.

“Has she ever told you about her problem, maybe financially? Or anything?” he asked again. My mom watched our conversation quietly, maybe confused on why the attention was completely shifted from her. But whatever much confusion my mom might felt, it wouldn’t beat mine; not even close. There was a longing in my uncle’s face while waiting for the answer, as if he really was concerned; as if he really cared on what Jihye might be struggling about.

I wasn’t sure why he decided to believe in me to ask about something he wouldn’t ask directly to Jihye, or even to Hoya. That was the least concern at the moment. I struggled to find the right work to explain, or to oppose to answer anything. Because what right does he have to find out about my condition when he wouldn’t even contact me except once a month to send me money?

“I’m really sorry, sir, but who are you?” I asked again, only to lengthen the time before answering his previous question. He seemed astounded by the question, wasn’t expecting it at that time.

“I’m her uncle.” he said. I scanned his expression, partly expecting a frown at the revelation of any relation to me, but there were none. He looked hesitated again when he continued. “So?” he asked; his tone was unsure. It took me a while to realize that what he expected was the answer to his question, which I still couldn’t find the answer for. Maybe something cynical. Sarcasm even. Something to remind him that it wasn’t his place to pretend to be concerned about me when I knew better that I had no place in his mind, someone he wouldn’t think about nor see without feeling loathed.

But instead I told him the truth; the most honest one I could think at the moment.

“Nothing.” I stared at him intensely before uttering the next words. “She is fine living alone.”

The spurn on my tone couldn’t fool anyone, and he gave me a long, sharp gaze before commenting.

“She told you about me.” he stated, not even bother to ask for confirmation. There was no need. It was apparent enough for him, judging from the look I had in my face, ever since he pretended to care.

“A little.” I said shortly.” Really, there’s not much to talk about. It’s not like you ever been around her that long.”

From the moment I ended the sentence, I knew I was over the line. His face quickly hardened, and for a silly moment I had thought that he would slap me for my impudence. To my surprise, he took a deep breath, and his face was calm enough when he talked again.

“Jihye has her own detest towards me-” he began, but I couldn’t stop myself from cutting him right there.

“And you don’t?” I asked sharply. He gave me that cold gaze again before answering.

“I was reckless.” he admitted. “I made many mistakes. But I would never detest my own niece.”

He sounded so sincere that I wanted to believe him. No, I almost believed him.

“So why did you desert her?” I asked, my voice rose up with emotion. “Why did you let her living alone? The girl was still too young to live by herself. Still is. And if you think your money makes up for it, you’re wrong. It’s your obligation to do it anyway.” I burst out; all the while keeping a strong gaze at him.

It was funny how we could have that kind of conversation in that hospital ward. How my uncle would let a stranger like me questioning him on how he took care of his niece. How that arrogance, full of pride man kept his face calm while a teenager raised his tone towards him.

But the calm was still on his face when he responded on my wrath.

“I never thought of making up for it with money; never will. As I said, I made my mistakes. A big one.” he seemed really tired, and for a moment he looked old and worn out. “But I can make it right again. I will. So say, Park Jihoon; you said you were her best friend so I suppose you would know; would Jihye take my offer to live with me and my family?”

A painful silence followed the question, and my mind felt blank. I gazed up at the man with a hopeful expression, waiting for my answer; the one who I started to hate since years ago, when he made it clear that he didn’t want to have anything to do with me.

And that same man just asked me to live with him; to be a part of his family.

My uncle still stared at me with a longing look, and suddenly my throat felt hurt.

“It’s not my place to answer.” I managed to say. “But I think Jihye would need more time.”

I expected a dejected expression following my respond, but all there was in his face was sadness when he gazed at me with a forced poignant smile.

“I understand.”

_____

My mind was still blank when I walked through the corridor. The friendly receptionist was there when I passed by and she greeted me, oblivious with the distressing aura.

“Hello! It’s been a while.” she smiled. “You should tell Jihye to come more often. Her mom would feel lonely.” she commented lightly as I forced a smile back. “It’s a good thing that boy always comes every Saturday.” she added again cheerfully.

“Excuse me, who?” I asked her, bewildered. She frowned at my question, seemed confused.

“You didn’t know? You came with him the last time. He is a good looking boy. What was his name again?” she pondered while tapping her chin before looking at me with a brightened expression when he finally remembered. “Oh, right! It’s Kai!”