When Guilt Becomes Harder to Bare
The Substitute"We're here!"
"Hey!" Siwon's head popped out of Hankyung and Heechul's room; his face brightening even more when he saw Sun Jung in Sooyoung's arms. "Sun Jung!"
Sooyoung rolled her eyes good naturedly. "A little help, oppa?"
"I'm coming." He chuckled, earning him a pout when he strode over the mother and daughter pair and took the baby in his arms, leaving Sooyoung with the baby bag. "What are you doing here?"
"Just to visit." The brunette replied casually, leading the way to the room that Donghae and Leeteuk shared. "Where's Leeteuk oppa?"
"He went out with some of the other hyungs." Siwon said absently, too busy on smiling and making faces at the baby in his arms to focus on anything else. "They'll be back soon, Soo... I think."
She set the baby bag on the table. "Good."
“You’re the prettiest baby this world has ever seen. You’re the prettiest baby this world has ever seen.” Siwon cooed over and over again at the baby lying peacefully on the bed beside him; her brown eyes gazing up at him in wonder as he shook the rattle Sooyoung passed to him in his hand.
Sooyoung shook her head at the scene at the two on Leeteuk’s bed; the young mom herself moving to perch on Donghae’s bed across from where they were. Sun Jung was probably going to end up being the most spoiled baby on earth what with the Super Junior, SNSD, f(x), DBSK and Shinee members not failing to give her more than enough attention. A smile made its way to her face as she thought of all the love and support that was given to her and her daughter for the past couple of months. It was more than what her mind and even her heart could ever comprehend.
“You and Sun Jung are really lucky, Soo…” Siwon’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “To have someone like Leeteuk hyung…”
She nodded as he drifted off, understanding what he was trying to say. “I know, oppa…”
“He really loves both of you so much.” The dark haired man pointed out the obvious even as he kept his attention on the baby. "I can't even stress it enough, you know? Words aren't enough, as cliche it may sound. It really isn't."
She couldn’t help but flinch at his words, hoping that the Super Junior member didn’t notice it. The intense love that Leeteuk had for her and her daughter had so many things attached to it – his sacrifices and her secrets. It was suddenly so difficult for her think to think about how much he could love them. Leeteuk knew she was keeping secrets from him, especially about Kyuhyun, but there he was, loving them like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was starting a very painful sensation in her heart.
“We’ve all known hyung for such a long time.” Siwon continue, smiling fondly at his ‘niece’. “He easily got depressed, cold, distant… He was a lonely man. You know that. For a long, long time all he really cared about was Super Junior. Then, you and Sun Jung came and it’s like he’s a completely different person.”
Sooyoung was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe and think straight. She didn’t deserve all of Leeteuk’s love and sacrifices. She was living a lie – they were all living a lie. Sun Jung wasn’t his daughter. She felt her hand clench in her chest as the vital truth played itself over and over again in her mind. Cho Kyuhyun was the father of her daughter. She didn’t expect that the guilt would swallow her up this way no matter how it was Kyuhyun who had pushed her away when all hell started. It was unbearable, realizing how much she had been hurting everyone by keeping the secret. She knew her eight sisters and Leeteuk never pestered her about the real father because she had told them the truth that Kyuhyun pushed her away after that night. But was that really enough reason to keep it all a secret?
“You made him want to be a better man, Soo… a better man for you and Sun Jung.” Siwon chuckled in fondness. “Honestly, I never really imagined him to be the paternal type of guy, you know? I should've expected it though, because he's been such a good hyung to all fourteen of us. Life really does have a lot of surprises, huh?”
Tears welled up in Sooyoung’s eyes. How could she be so… evil?
As if life really did enjoy tormenting her, the bedroom door swung open, revealing the two men she had hurt the most ever since the whole fiasco started. Both men seemed to be having a playful banter as Leeteuk entered his bedroom with Kyuhyun close behind him; the two playfully arguing about something neither Siwon nor Sooyoung knew about. Siwon moved to make space for new arrivals and Leeteuk automatically made his way to where Sun Jung was, dropping a gentle kiss on her forehead. Kyuhyun gently climbed up on the bed, settling on the vacant space on the other side of the baby, content with making weird faces at her.
No matter how heart-warming the scene was supposed to be, it only made Sooyoung’s tears fall freely down her face.
Leeteuk turned his attention toward his girlfriend, his eyes soon widening in alarm at the sight he was met with. “Soo, what’s wrong?”
Siwon and Kyuhyun both turned to look at the brunette and identical looks of concern and puzzlement
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